The internet is a useful tool and repository of information for our parenting needs if used wisely
theSun, Tue, 08 Feb 2011
With the arrival of the internet, everything is now at our fingertips. We can read newspapers, books, watch television programmes or movies, or listen to the radio through it.
There is also lot of information we can get by just doing a simple search online when we need ideas, tips and advice on anything and everything. This is especially helpful as we go on our parenting journey.
There are forums and social networking groups we can join too to share our parenting experiences, discuss opinions or get advice from fellow parents and experts.
We must, of course, be very careful when choosing the sites we get our information from, and when we sign up as a member of a networking site or forum.
While there are many websites out there that are genuine in their intentions to help parents, there are also those that are out there with bad intentions.
Many a time, when I run out of ideas on how to occupy my child without using the television as babysitter, I turn to the internet.
Many cartoons, movies or characters on television have websites which include interactive activities or games featuring them. These are good alternatives to one-way, passive viewing of the animated version on television.
Parenting websites and those focused on child education have sections with learning games and activities for reading, math, art and craft, or science projects.
There are also longer-term projects through the Net you could get your child involved in. For instance, older schoolgoing children can be encouraged to write poems, songs, stories or blog.
There are websites that provide guides and attractive resources such as suggested storylines and colourful pictures for your child to develop his writing skills.
For a fee, some also offer a publishing service where your child’s writings can be made into a book as a keepsake or gift to loved ones.
Just as how we take precautions when we go online ourselves, be mindful also of your child’s safety and privacy when you allow him to use the internet.
If he wishes to blog, help him to set it up with all the necessary privacy settings to prevent strangers from contacting or finding out about him and his activities.
When your child is online, remember to supervise his activities to ensure he does not intentionally or unintentionally visit sites that are unsuitable for children.
Never leave a child to use the internet alone. Install blockers or monitoring software on your computer to prevent them from entering sites not meant for children.
If you feel uncomfortable allowing your child to use the internet for educational and fun activities or to write, keep a blog, or show any long-term presence online, you could still use the ideas, information and resources from it and adapt them to suit your needs.
Many of the activities are printable as well so this allows you to convert the online version for use in the traditional pencil and paper way.
With the internet, parents are certainly not lacking when it comes to parenting information, albeit an overload at times, but we still need to exercise our wisdom and discretion when applying the knowledge for ourselves and our children.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
A dawdling issue
Young children are not conscious of time but with patience and preseverance, they can learn to get their act together
theSun, Tue, 25 Jan 2011
INSTEAD of dressing up quickly for school in the morning, my child reads her storybook between wearing her uniform, combing her hair and coming downstairs for breakfast. If I don’t yell "hurry up", she’d probably be late for school.
A check with other mothers assures me that I’m not alone in this constant battle against time and a dawdling child, be it getting ready for school, doing homework or going out.
It appears that dawdling is quite characteristic of young children, some more than others. This is because young children are not conscious of time and, therefore, lack a sense of urgency.
They live in the moment. They have yet to develop the ability to control their need for instant gratification or think and plan ahead.
Even when they have learnt to tell the time and know what they need to do, they tend to be easily distracted.
In my search for practical solutions, I managed to come up with a few I learnt from reading and others I’m already doing on my own. They include:
Prepare ahead of time
To reduce morning rush stress, prepare as much as possible the night before. Fill her water bottle and set aside all breakfast necessities in a tray. This way, you reduce time spent in the morning gathering up everything from the various sections of your kitchen.
If you need to cook breakfast or school lunch, cut, slice, prepare whatever you can the night before so that they can be easily cooked or assembled in the morning.
Help your child set aside her clothes before she goes to bed so that she doesn’t waste time looking for matching socks or a missing hair-band.
Be specific
For example, instead of saying: "Hurry up", you should say: "Stop reading and please put on your clothes now".
Break instructions down to a few steps
When I’m in a hurry, I tend to ramble off reminders and instructions in a long string of words. Keep instructions short as your child will most likely forget all that you ask, especially when she is distracted.
Minimise distractions
At the time and place where you know your child needs to get ready, keep her away from distractions such as toys, the television, or storybooks. Make sure toys and books are put away and the television is not on.
Build in incentives
Tell your child that if she can get ready or finish her homework on time, she can have extra time to play later. Remind her also of the consequences if she is too slow or late.
Invent games
One mother as mentioned in a Parenting Institute article published by SchoolFamily.com came up with a game called Beat the Clock to help her son focus and finish his homework.
After determining roughly the time taken for him to finish his work, she set the timer with five minutes extra to make it possible for her son to achieve the goal and win the game.
She said: "The game enabled him to concentrate on the task at hand." And it "made him realise on his own what he was capable of doing without being nagged or threatened".
Lastly, don’t forget patience and perseverance. They should grow out of the habit of dawdling eventually.
theSun, Tue, 25 Jan 2011
INSTEAD of dressing up quickly for school in the morning, my child reads her storybook between wearing her uniform, combing her hair and coming downstairs for breakfast. If I don’t yell "hurry up", she’d probably be late for school.
A check with other mothers assures me that I’m not alone in this constant battle against time and a dawdling child, be it getting ready for school, doing homework or going out.
It appears that dawdling is quite characteristic of young children, some more than others. This is because young children are not conscious of time and, therefore, lack a sense of urgency.
They live in the moment. They have yet to develop the ability to control their need for instant gratification or think and plan ahead.
Even when they have learnt to tell the time and know what they need to do, they tend to be easily distracted.
In my search for practical solutions, I managed to come up with a few I learnt from reading and others I’m already doing on my own. They include:
Prepare ahead of time
To reduce morning rush stress, prepare as much as possible the night before. Fill her water bottle and set aside all breakfast necessities in a tray. This way, you reduce time spent in the morning gathering up everything from the various sections of your kitchen.
If you need to cook breakfast or school lunch, cut, slice, prepare whatever you can the night before so that they can be easily cooked or assembled in the morning.
Help your child set aside her clothes before she goes to bed so that she doesn’t waste time looking for matching socks or a missing hair-band.
Be specific
For example, instead of saying: "Hurry up", you should say: "Stop reading and please put on your clothes now".
Break instructions down to a few steps
When I’m in a hurry, I tend to ramble off reminders and instructions in a long string of words. Keep instructions short as your child will most likely forget all that you ask, especially when she is distracted.
Minimise distractions
At the time and place where you know your child needs to get ready, keep her away from distractions such as toys, the television, or storybooks. Make sure toys and books are put away and the television is not on.
Build in incentives
Tell your child that if she can get ready or finish her homework on time, she can have extra time to play later. Remind her also of the consequences if she is too slow or late.
Invent games
One mother as mentioned in a Parenting Institute article published by SchoolFamily.com came up with a game called Beat the Clock to help her son focus and finish his homework.
After determining roughly the time taken for him to finish his work, she set the timer with five minutes extra to make it possible for her son to achieve the goal and win the game.
She said: "The game enabled him to concentrate on the task at hand." And it "made him realise on his own what he was capable of doing without being nagged or threatened".
Lastly, don’t forget patience and perseverance. They should grow out of the habit of dawdling eventually.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
On his first pair of wheels
There are many ways to teach children to ride a bicycle but don’t forget the safety gear
theSun, Tue, 11 Jan 2011
I HAD not realised that there is actually more than one way to learn how to ride a bicycle until the time when I had to teach my child. I thought all along that the way I learnt, that is using training wheels, is the only way.
When it came for my child to learn, I wondered if there is a ‘best’ and preferably painless way for her to pick up the skill.
As usual, I turned to the Internet for help. A few keywords in everyone’s favourite search engine turned up numerous suggestions.
One is the method I used when I was a child. Riding a bike with training wheels helps the child learn how to pedal and steer first.
Once he can pedal and steer well, you gradually raise the training wheels off the ground to make the bike unstable so that he then learns how to balance. You later remove both training wheels when they have become obsolete and he has gained confidence.
Another method, however, suggests that he learns how to balance on the bike first. This method requires you to remove the pedals and training wheels.
Adjust the seat all the way down or to the level where his feet can touch the ground. With the child on the bike, push it forward and as it moves, ask him to lift his feet off the ground to get a feel of balancing while moving.
You can practise this on a slight, even incline or grassy slope.
This helps him control his balance and allows him to put his feet down when he feels he is going to fall.
Once he is comfortable balancing while moving forward, he can practise steering to the left and right. Upon gaining confidence, you can then reattach the pedals for him to practise pedalling.
You may need to hold the handlebars and seat to keep the bike upright for him to start off but once he is riding, remove your hands so that he can feel the balancing and steering on his own while pedalling.
Keep practising this way until he is stable and you can then raise the seat to a more comfortable and suitable position.
Meanwhile, another method is to immediately get him to pedal and steer without training wheels. You need to hold him by the shoulders to help him keep his balance. Do not hold the handlebars or seat as he will not be able to feel the balance or steering on his own.
As he loses balance slightly and leans to one side, he will feel the pressure from your hands on his shoulder and will try to correct the lean and keep his balance.
This requires you to work a little harder as you have to run along with the bike. Be careful not to trip as the bike swerves out of balance or if he brakes suddenly.
Whichever method you use, remember to keep your child safe by having him wear a helmet, gloves, wrist, knee and elbow pads. Do not rush him to master the skill but let him take his time.
theSun, Tue, 11 Jan 2011
I HAD not realised that there is actually more than one way to learn how to ride a bicycle until the time when I had to teach my child. I thought all along that the way I learnt, that is using training wheels, is the only way.
When it came for my child to learn, I wondered if there is a ‘best’ and preferably painless way for her to pick up the skill.
As usual, I turned to the Internet for help. A few keywords in everyone’s favourite search engine turned up numerous suggestions.
One is the method I used when I was a child. Riding a bike with training wheels helps the child learn how to pedal and steer first.
Once he can pedal and steer well, you gradually raise the training wheels off the ground to make the bike unstable so that he then learns how to balance. You later remove both training wheels when they have become obsolete and he has gained confidence.
Another method, however, suggests that he learns how to balance on the bike first. This method requires you to remove the pedals and training wheels.
Adjust the seat all the way down or to the level where his feet can touch the ground. With the child on the bike, push it forward and as it moves, ask him to lift his feet off the ground to get a feel of balancing while moving.
You can practise this on a slight, even incline or grassy slope.
This helps him control his balance and allows him to put his feet down when he feels he is going to fall.
Once he is comfortable balancing while moving forward, he can practise steering to the left and right. Upon gaining confidence, you can then reattach the pedals for him to practise pedalling.
You may need to hold the handlebars and seat to keep the bike upright for him to start off but once he is riding, remove your hands so that he can feel the balancing and steering on his own while pedalling.
Keep practising this way until he is stable and you can then raise the seat to a more comfortable and suitable position.
Meanwhile, another method is to immediately get him to pedal and steer without training wheels. You need to hold him by the shoulders to help him keep his balance. Do not hold the handlebars or seat as he will not be able to feel the balance or steering on his own.
As he loses balance slightly and leans to one side, he will feel the pressure from your hands on his shoulder and will try to correct the lean and keep his balance.
This requires you to work a little harder as you have to run along with the bike. Be careful not to trip as the bike swerves out of balance or if he brakes suddenly.
Whichever method you use, remember to keep your child safe by having him wear a helmet, gloves, wrist, knee and elbow pads. Do not rush him to master the skill but let him take his time.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Walking the talk
theSun, 28 Dec 2010
WHILE it is good to constantly reflect on how we have carried out our responsibilities as parents, the year-end is a good time to round up as we wind down our activities and take a break from the maddening rat race most of us are in.
One aspect of parenting I would like to highlight is the role we play in setting good examples for our children.
Children learn through example and pick up words, actions and mannerisms from adults and even other children they spend most of their time with. Those little eyes and ears are always tuned in to things that are going on around them. They are learning all the time.
Leadership by example rings no truer than in our job as parents. However, we sometimes forget and model words, actions and behaviour that are less than exemplary. I am no perfect parent myself and need to be reminded time and again that I have little eyes and ears watching, listening and copying me.
When we realise our mistake, we need to correct it, explain and apologise if necessary. When we do that, we are modelling a good example for our children to learn right from wrong, to be honest in admitting their mistakes and to make amends.
In all areas of our lives, our children learn from us and the people around them. There are many opportunities in which they can learn either good or bad when they observe the way we interact with others, how we deal with emotions, and why and how we do certain things.
Whether we like it or not, if we choose to be responsible and loving parents, there’s hard work involved and we have to be on our toes. We need to ask what we are modelling to our children when we cut into a long queue at the supermarket cashier, interrupt a conversation without saying ‘excuse me’, jump the queue at the traffic lights, complain rudely to a waiter in a restaurant, shout, swear or act violently in anger or frustration, procrastinate important tasks, give up when the going gets tough or – as I’ve come across many a time – dash quickly into a public parking lot after it is vacated when we know another car has been waiting to park there. Some even have the arrogance or cheek to tell the rightful ‘parker’ to find another spot.
Are we raising our children with the right character and attitude when we display rude, selfish and disgusting behaviour? Do we quickly put blame on the parents of the children our child interacts with when he comes home with a swear word? Do we leave it to the teachers at school or the day-care centre to discipline our children?
The school holidays are here now. It’s a good time to take time off to spend with our children. We could work at modelling some good examples into our interaction with them besides showering them with the attention and fun they missed out when we were too busy with our work.
WHILE it is good to constantly reflect on how we have carried out our responsibilities as parents, the year-end is a good time to round up as we wind down our activities and take a break from the maddening rat race most of us are in.
One aspect of parenting I would like to highlight is the role we play in setting good examples for our children.
Children learn through example and pick up words, actions and mannerisms from adults and even other children they spend most of their time with. Those little eyes and ears are always tuned in to things that are going on around them. They are learning all the time.
Leadership by example rings no truer than in our job as parents. However, we sometimes forget and model words, actions and behaviour that are less than exemplary. I am no perfect parent myself and need to be reminded time and again that I have little eyes and ears watching, listening and copying me.
When we realise our mistake, we need to correct it, explain and apologise if necessary. When we do that, we are modelling a good example for our children to learn right from wrong, to be honest in admitting their mistakes and to make amends.
In all areas of our lives, our children learn from us and the people around them. There are many opportunities in which they can learn either good or bad when they observe the way we interact with others, how we deal with emotions, and why and how we do certain things.
Whether we like it or not, if we choose to be responsible and loving parents, there’s hard work involved and we have to be on our toes. We need to ask what we are modelling to our children when we cut into a long queue at the supermarket cashier, interrupt a conversation without saying ‘excuse me’, jump the queue at the traffic lights, complain rudely to a waiter in a restaurant, shout, swear or act violently in anger or frustration, procrastinate important tasks, give up when the going gets tough or – as I’ve come across many a time – dash quickly into a public parking lot after it is vacated when we know another car has been waiting to park there. Some even have the arrogance or cheek to tell the rightful ‘parker’ to find another spot.
Are we raising our children with the right character and attitude when we display rude, selfish and disgusting behaviour? Do we quickly put blame on the parents of the children our child interacts with when he comes home with a swear word? Do we leave it to the teachers at school or the day-care centre to discipline our children?
The school holidays are here now. It’s a good time to take time off to spend with our children. We could work at modelling some good examples into our interaction with them besides showering them with the attention and fun they missed out when we were too busy with our work.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
A safe riding we go
The young must be safely restrained in proper baby or child seats as a matter of policy for all parents
theSun, Tues, 14 Dec 2010
ACCORDING to the World Report on Child Injury Prevention, released by Unicef and World Health Organisation in 2008, the top cause of child deaths is road crashes. Some 260,000 children are killed every year while about 10 million are injured.
Road accidents are also the leading cause of deaths among 10- to 19-year-olds, next to drowning that kills more than 175,000 children a year.
Responding to a reader’s feedback in a local daily in June this year, the director-general of Malaysian Institute of Road Safety Research (Miros) said: "One of the primary areas that are currently being comprehensively looked into by Miros is the need for children to be safely restrained in vehicles, more precisely the use of baby seats, child seats, and child booster seats.
"As you are aware, while the law states that all occupants of a vehicle must fasten their seat belts, there are currently no provisions making it mandatory for adults ferrying small children in the car to use proper child-restraint systems."
Whether a mandatory law is already in place or not, it is of utmost importance for all of us to know and practise car safety measures for our children.
After reading various articles on car safety for children, I’ve gathered and compiled some tips here:
> Babies must be placed in proper carriers that are fastened to the seat of the car and children must be in car seats or booster seats that are correctly fitted and appropriate for their size.
If your child’s head sticks out over the top, the child seat is too small. If your child sits loosely in the child seat, roll up a few towels and place them on either side of the child in the seat.
> A child can be placed in the front passenger seat only if the car has no passenger-side airbag or if the airbag is switched off. Airbags are meant for adults and when deployed during a crash, could cause serious injury to children.
Turn it on again when an adult sits there. If the airbag cannot be switched off, the child must sit at the back.
> It is best for children of all ages, including teenagers, to be seated at the back of the car, with baby carriers fastened in a rear-facing position in the centre of the car to minimise injuries from side-on crashes.
Ensure that the baby carrier or car seat you purchase is from a reliable manufacturer and has met necessary safety standards. Install the seat properly following the manufacturer’s instructions. A child can still get hurt in a car seat that has not been properly fastened to the car when he is thrown forward during an accident.
> The child has to be secured with a three-point seat belt. If a child uses the normal seat belt of the car, the diagonal belt must cross the child’s chest and shoulders and not the neck.
When using a hand-me-down car seat, make sure that it had not been in any accident before. Examine it for cracks or wear-and tear, and that the belt and buckle are complete and functioning.
Some seats come with a manufacturer’s expiration date so check for that too.
A good and correctly-used car seat, and conscious effort in ensuring your child’s safety are worthwhile investments.
theSun, Tues, 14 Dec 2010
ACCORDING to the World Report on Child Injury Prevention, released by Unicef and World Health Organisation in 2008, the top cause of child deaths is road crashes. Some 260,000 children are killed every year while about 10 million are injured.
Road accidents are also the leading cause of deaths among 10- to 19-year-olds, next to drowning that kills more than 175,000 children a year.
Responding to a reader’s feedback in a local daily in June this year, the director-general of Malaysian Institute of Road Safety Research (Miros) said: "One of the primary areas that are currently being comprehensively looked into by Miros is the need for children to be safely restrained in vehicles, more precisely the use of baby seats, child seats, and child booster seats.
"As you are aware, while the law states that all occupants of a vehicle must fasten their seat belts, there are currently no provisions making it mandatory for adults ferrying small children in the car to use proper child-restraint systems."
Whether a mandatory law is already in place or not, it is of utmost importance for all of us to know and practise car safety measures for our children.
After reading various articles on car safety for children, I’ve gathered and compiled some tips here:
> Babies must be placed in proper carriers that are fastened to the seat of the car and children must be in car seats or booster seats that are correctly fitted and appropriate for their size.
If your child’s head sticks out over the top, the child seat is too small. If your child sits loosely in the child seat, roll up a few towels and place them on either side of the child in the seat.
> A child can be placed in the front passenger seat only if the car has no passenger-side airbag or if the airbag is switched off. Airbags are meant for adults and when deployed during a crash, could cause serious injury to children.
Turn it on again when an adult sits there. If the airbag cannot be switched off, the child must sit at the back.
> It is best for children of all ages, including teenagers, to be seated at the back of the car, with baby carriers fastened in a rear-facing position in the centre of the car to minimise injuries from side-on crashes.
Ensure that the baby carrier or car seat you purchase is from a reliable manufacturer and has met necessary safety standards. Install the seat properly following the manufacturer’s instructions. A child can still get hurt in a car seat that has not been properly fastened to the car when he is thrown forward during an accident.
> The child has to be secured with a three-point seat belt. If a child uses the normal seat belt of the car, the diagonal belt must cross the child’s chest and shoulders and not the neck.
When using a hand-me-down car seat, make sure that it had not been in any accident before. Examine it for cracks or wear-and tear, and that the belt and buckle are complete and functioning.
Some seats come with a manufacturer’s expiration date so check for that too.
A good and correctly-used car seat, and conscious effort in ensuring your child’s safety are worthwhile investments.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Like ducks to water
Swimming is not only therapeutic and fun but also develops coordination, self-confidence and positive image in both young and old
theSun, Tue, 23 Nov 2010
I LIKE swimming. I find being in the water and moving around in it rather therapeutic. It is also a good form of physical activity for everyone regardless of age.
Swimming gives our body a total low impact workout. It trains our breathing and strengthens our heart and lungs. It helps build flexibility and stamina, and is suitable for not only the healthy but also those with health problems.
Swimming or water activities are used in various treatments for physical, mental and developmental therapy. Water supports body weight, and with proper flotation devices, adults and children with disabilities, such as those with cerebral palsy, amputees, the visually-impaired or wheelchair-bound, can exercise in the water.
Because there is no hard impact on the joints, swimming is a suitable choice for those recovering from stroke or arthritis.
Teaching dyslexic children to swim also helps them read and write normally because swimming is an ambidextrous activity which helps to balance the brain hemispheres.
Most children have a natural affinity to water. They enjoy playing in it. Infants will kick and get excited when you give them a bath while preschoolers will simply find every chance to get wet or plead to stay longer in the tub.
Any age is a great age for the opportunity for you to introduce your child to swimming. It is also good for children and adults alike to learn water safety skills that they will need for the future.
Besides strengthening heart and lungs, providing aerobic exercise, toning muscles, enhancing blood circulation and immunity, swimming also develops coordination, concentration, self-confidence and positive self-image.
If taken up as a competitive sport, swimming like any other sport, can build confidence, self-esteem, positive attitude and team spirit.
According to Kids Exercise (www.kidsexercise.co.uk), "overweight kids who don’t enjoy many games may find swimming to be a pleasure; movement in the water may be easier, making fitness fun for even those who have shied away from other forms of exercise".
Taking it a step further, I believe it is only a matter of time that, with the exercise these overweight children are getting from swimming, they will soon lose some weight and have better self-image.
They can also become more confident discovering that they can do what other children can, albeit in the water for starters.
The website also mentioned that children who take part in early swimming programmes are often thought to be happier and healthier. "Research has shown that early swimmers perform better on tests measuring social, academic, motor and personality developments."
Whether you choose to take up swimming to burn calories, lose weight, as a form of therapy or for leisure and recreation, swimming is beneficial in many aspects. It can be a fun social activity too as it allows you to spend time as a family to strengthen relationships and bonds between you and your children.
And on hot days, swimming is a great way to cool down without resorting to the air conditioner, thereby, reducing your carbon footprint without getting all sweaty to boot.
theSun, Tue, 23 Nov 2010
I LIKE swimming. I find being in the water and moving around in it rather therapeutic. It is also a good form of physical activity for everyone regardless of age.
Swimming gives our body a total low impact workout. It trains our breathing and strengthens our heart and lungs. It helps build flexibility and stamina, and is suitable for not only the healthy but also those with health problems.
Swimming or water activities are used in various treatments for physical, mental and developmental therapy. Water supports body weight, and with proper flotation devices, adults and children with disabilities, such as those with cerebral palsy, amputees, the visually-impaired or wheelchair-bound, can exercise in the water.
Because there is no hard impact on the joints, swimming is a suitable choice for those recovering from stroke or arthritis.
Teaching dyslexic children to swim also helps them read and write normally because swimming is an ambidextrous activity which helps to balance the brain hemispheres.
Most children have a natural affinity to water. They enjoy playing in it. Infants will kick and get excited when you give them a bath while preschoolers will simply find every chance to get wet or plead to stay longer in the tub.
Any age is a great age for the opportunity for you to introduce your child to swimming. It is also good for children and adults alike to learn water safety skills that they will need for the future.
Besides strengthening heart and lungs, providing aerobic exercise, toning muscles, enhancing blood circulation and immunity, swimming also develops coordination, concentration, self-confidence and positive self-image.
If taken up as a competitive sport, swimming like any other sport, can build confidence, self-esteem, positive attitude and team spirit.
According to Kids Exercise (www.kidsexercise.co.uk), "overweight kids who don’t enjoy many games may find swimming to be a pleasure; movement in the water may be easier, making fitness fun for even those who have shied away from other forms of exercise".
Taking it a step further, I believe it is only a matter of time that, with the exercise these overweight children are getting from swimming, they will soon lose some weight and have better self-image.
They can also become more confident discovering that they can do what other children can, albeit in the water for starters.
The website also mentioned that children who take part in early swimming programmes are often thought to be happier and healthier. "Research has shown that early swimmers perform better on tests measuring social, academic, motor and personality developments."
Whether you choose to take up swimming to burn calories, lose weight, as a form of therapy or for leisure and recreation, swimming is beneficial in many aspects. It can be a fun social activity too as it allows you to spend time as a family to strengthen relationships and bonds between you and your children.
And on hot days, swimming is a great way to cool down without resorting to the air conditioner, thereby, reducing your carbon footprint without getting all sweaty to boot.
Back to Basics
theSun, Tues, 9 Nov 2010
My daughter’s current ambition is to be a singer-cum-guitarist in a rock band, so she asked for singing and guitar lessons. At age four, she was totally enamoured with the drums and pestered us for drum lessons. Once, she was fascinated with some children’s artwork displayed outside an art school so she requested for art lessons. Then, there were requests for dance, piano and kung fu classes. To cut the story short, there have been many other instances of such requests along the way.
As a parent, I am pleased that she has the desire and curiosity to want to learn new things. But it is also a challenge to juggle the benefits of allowing her to explore and learn, with her ability to focus and be committed to each activity. And not to mention determining which she could have since time and money were important considerations in these pursuits.
Other parents lament that their kids are not interested in anything besides their toys, games and the television, and that they have to coax and find ways to get them interested. Being on either side of the extreme is neither good nor bad. It is just a matter of keeping perspectives right.
Often times, especially in our current competitive world, we are pressured to want our children to do well in everything they pursue. We tend to compare our child’s performance with others.
While we love our children and want the best for them, we sometimes inadvertently push them a little too much, and even unknowingly try to live out our lives through them. Because we ourselves had desired to be a doctor but did not make it somehow, we want our child to study medicine for example.
Children should be given the freedom to explore, find their passion and develop their individual talents. A child is a unique individual and therefore cannot be compared with any other child, not even his or her twin.
Paul Zucker, author of parenting book "Loving Our Children, Loving Ourselves - How We Achieve Our Mutual Happiness And Fulfillment" said, “Our responsibility as parents is to allow our children to discover and express their uniqueness, combination of intelligence, talents, and abilities. If we believe they are unique and thus gifted, different and special, then we know we don't have to impose our desires on them. We also know that all children are special, because they are all unique, so we give up making it a competition. Other parent's children can do what they do, and our kids can do what they do and there is room for everyone; their kids can't do what ours can in some way and vice versa.
We allow children to discover and express their uniqueness by not imposing specific outcomes. In other words, we do not make them play a sport or instrument, dance, learn to cook, ride a bike, go water skiing, learn a hobby, if they are not willing and enthusiastic. Our job as parents is to provide opportunities for our children to explore, try, and experience life.”
That’s a good reminder. We need to free our children from the pressure and conflict within themselves created by our plans and desires for them. Give your children the opportunity to experience many things. They will eventually discover their passion, talent and abilities, and excel.
My daughter’s current ambition is to be a singer-cum-guitarist in a rock band, so she asked for singing and guitar lessons. At age four, she was totally enamoured with the drums and pestered us for drum lessons. Once, she was fascinated with some children’s artwork displayed outside an art school so she requested for art lessons. Then, there were requests for dance, piano and kung fu classes. To cut the story short, there have been many other instances of such requests along the way.
As a parent, I am pleased that she has the desire and curiosity to want to learn new things. But it is also a challenge to juggle the benefits of allowing her to explore and learn, with her ability to focus and be committed to each activity. And not to mention determining which she could have since time and money were important considerations in these pursuits.
Other parents lament that their kids are not interested in anything besides their toys, games and the television, and that they have to coax and find ways to get them interested. Being on either side of the extreme is neither good nor bad. It is just a matter of keeping perspectives right.
Often times, especially in our current competitive world, we are pressured to want our children to do well in everything they pursue. We tend to compare our child’s performance with others.
While we love our children and want the best for them, we sometimes inadvertently push them a little too much, and even unknowingly try to live out our lives through them. Because we ourselves had desired to be a doctor but did not make it somehow, we want our child to study medicine for example.
Children should be given the freedom to explore, find their passion and develop their individual talents. A child is a unique individual and therefore cannot be compared with any other child, not even his or her twin.
Paul Zucker, author of parenting book "Loving Our Children, Loving Ourselves - How We Achieve Our Mutual Happiness And Fulfillment" said, “Our responsibility as parents is to allow our children to discover and express their uniqueness, combination of intelligence, talents, and abilities. If we believe they are unique and thus gifted, different and special, then we know we don't have to impose our desires on them. We also know that all children are special, because they are all unique, so we give up making it a competition. Other parent's children can do what they do, and our kids can do what they do and there is room for everyone; their kids can't do what ours can in some way and vice versa.
We allow children to discover and express their uniqueness by not imposing specific outcomes. In other words, we do not make them play a sport or instrument, dance, learn to cook, ride a bike, go water skiing, learn a hobby, if they are not willing and enthusiastic. Our job as parents is to provide opportunities for our children to explore, try, and experience life.”
That’s a good reminder. We need to free our children from the pressure and conflict within themselves created by our plans and desires for them. Give your children the opportunity to experience many things. They will eventually discover their passion, talent and abilities, and excel.
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