Children who learn from their mistakes will grow up into self-assured adults
theSun, Tues Jan 19 2010
EVERYONE makes mistakes – we adults know that for sure but not all children do. When a child makes a mistake or worse still,faces failure, we need to guide them through the experience in order for them to come out of it positively.
A child’s experience with a mistake or failure could lower his self esteem. The last thing you should do is react with disappointment, anger or impatience. Be calm when they make mistakes. Be calm when you make mistakes yourself, especially in their presence.
Teach them to have a more relaxed attitude and show them we can laugh at ourselves when we make mistakes. Find opportunities in day-to-day activities to encourage them to view mistakes as opportunities to learn something new.
Use creativity to turn the mistakes into acceptable outcomes if the situation allows it. If your child has failed at something major, such as a test or exam, help him to
cope with his feelings of low self-esteem, disappointment and sadness by showing him
your unconditional love. Assure him that you love him regardless of how he performs. Tell him that you value his efforts.
Other practical ways to minimise the negative impact of such situations is to find out your child’s learning style. Does your child learn best visually, kinestethically or audibly? Help him learn and work more effectively by using the style that suits him.
In learning math, for example, if he grasps the concepts better by using objects to count, provide him with suitable items to use. If he absorbs facts better by reading his textbook aloud, do not tell him to study quietly. Share stories of your own past failures and successes to show him that failure and success are part and parcel of life. Tell him what you had learnt from the experience and what you did to overcome the mistakes.
You could also tell him inspirational stories of famous people who overcame challenges and achieved success. When something goes wrong and your child is responsible for it, avoid putting the blame on him. Discuss what happened and encourage him to bring out the fi ghter in him to learn from the mistake, and not to give up too easily.
If your child has a fear of failure after a past experience, tell him that the only way to fail is to not try at all. Finally, be sure of what your definition of success is. Does it mean being the best in everything they do and scoring the highest
marks in every subject in school? If so, when they are not the best and when
you come down hard on them, will they be motivated to try again to be better, or to even dare to try anything new ever again?
While we all have dreams of our children being the best in everything they do, we have to be realistic of their abilities and talents. Think about what your child is capable of and set goals that are appropriate for his age, knowledge and skills. Actually, they do not have to be the best in everything; they just have to try their best.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Little helpers
Involving the children in household chores is good for them as well as for the parents
theSun, Tue, 05 Jan 2010
IF YOU are a homemaker, you will definitely have your hands full juggling all the household chores especially if you do not rely on hired help.
You have the laundry, tidying, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, errands, chauffeuring, child-minding, tutoring, gardening, and everything else in between.
If you have children who are old enough to handle some of the chores, it is about time you rope them in. Even your pre-schooler can help out as long as the chores are age-appropriate.
According to parenting author Elizabeth Pantley, by getting your children to help out with chores at home, you can build their feeling of competence and help them understand what is involved in running a household.
They can develop good habits, including discipline and good attitudes about work.
When assigning a chore, do not expect your child to complete it perfectly. You will only end up getting frustrated if you insist on perfection, making it a struggle.
If you insist on re-doing it yourself, your child may think that it wasn’t done well enough, making him feel unappreciated.
You do not have to wait for the chore to be completed before praising him. Praising him while he is doing the chore can encourage and help him feel good about his contribution.
Here are some chores your children can help you with:
» Laundry
Have separate baskets for white and coloured clothes so that you don’t need to spend time sorting before putting them into the washer. Buy crinkle-free clothes to reduce time and energy spent on ironing.
Get the children to join you in sorting and folding laundry. Sitting together to sort and fold laundry can be used as together time to chat and share thoughts and stories.
Children can also develop their motor skills, learn about colours and matching.
» Gardening
Simple chores like watering plants, weeding, and sweeping up leaves can be assigned to the children.
Doing gardening together such as planting, re-potting and fertilising can be turned into a lesson about plants and nature.
Dried leaves and flowers can be collected for art and craft activities later on too.
» Cleaning
Clean the house in stages, room by room within the course of the week if you have to do it yourself. Set aside a time during the weekend as house-cleaning time or what Malaysians refer to as gotong-royong.
Divide the duties among the children. The younger ones can tidy up their toys and books while the older ones can sweep, vacuum or mop.
Doing it together creates a feeling of teamwork and that no one is left out, making it fair.
» Grocery shopping
Keep a notepad around your kitchen so that you can jot down items as you find them running out. This prevents you from missing out any items and having to make an extra trip to the shop.
Bring your children along to help make the selections. By involving them in grocery shopping, they can learn about health and nutrition, math and money.
Upon returning home, they can be asked to help put them away in the pantry or appropriate storage places.
theSun, Tue, 05 Jan 2010
IF YOU are a homemaker, you will definitely have your hands full juggling all the household chores especially if you do not rely on hired help.
You have the laundry, tidying, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, errands, chauffeuring, child-minding, tutoring, gardening, and everything else in between.
If you have children who are old enough to handle some of the chores, it is about time you rope them in. Even your pre-schooler can help out as long as the chores are age-appropriate.
According to parenting author Elizabeth Pantley, by getting your children to help out with chores at home, you can build their feeling of competence and help them understand what is involved in running a household.
They can develop good habits, including discipline and good attitudes about work.
When assigning a chore, do not expect your child to complete it perfectly. You will only end up getting frustrated if you insist on perfection, making it a struggle.
If you insist on re-doing it yourself, your child may think that it wasn’t done well enough, making him feel unappreciated.
You do not have to wait for the chore to be completed before praising him. Praising him while he is doing the chore can encourage and help him feel good about his contribution.
Here are some chores your children can help you with:
» Laundry
Have separate baskets for white and coloured clothes so that you don’t need to spend time sorting before putting them into the washer. Buy crinkle-free clothes to reduce time and energy spent on ironing.
Get the children to join you in sorting and folding laundry. Sitting together to sort and fold laundry can be used as together time to chat and share thoughts and stories.
Children can also develop their motor skills, learn about colours and matching.
» Gardening
Simple chores like watering plants, weeding, and sweeping up leaves can be assigned to the children.
Doing gardening together such as planting, re-potting and fertilising can be turned into a lesson about plants and nature.
Dried leaves and flowers can be collected for art and craft activities later on too.
» Cleaning
Clean the house in stages, room by room within the course of the week if you have to do it yourself. Set aside a time during the weekend as house-cleaning time or what Malaysians refer to as gotong-royong.
Divide the duties among the children. The younger ones can tidy up their toys and books while the older ones can sweep, vacuum or mop.
Doing it together creates a feeling of teamwork and that no one is left out, making it fair.
» Grocery shopping
Keep a notepad around your kitchen so that you can jot down items as you find them running out. This prevents you from missing out any items and having to make an extra trip to the shop.
Bring your children along to help make the selections. By involving them in grocery shopping, they can learn about health and nutrition, math and money.
Upon returning home, they can be asked to help put them away in the pantry or appropriate storage places.
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