Walking the talk

theSun, 28 Dec 2010

WHILE it is good to constantly reflect on how we have carried out our responsibilities as parents, the year-end is a good time to round up as we wind down our activities and take a break from the maddening rat race most of us are in.
One aspect of parenting I would like to highlight is the role we play in setting good examples for our children.

Children learn through example and pick up words, actions and mannerisms from adults and even other children they spend most of their time with. Those little eyes and ears are always tuned in to things that are going on around them. They are learning all the time.

Leadership by example rings no truer than in our job as parents. However, we sometimes forget and model words, actions and behaviour that are less than exemplary. I am no perfect parent myself and need to be reminded time and again that I have little eyes and ears watching, listening and copying me.

When we realise our mistake, we need to correct it, explain and apologise if necessary. When we do that, we are modelling a good example for our children to learn right from wrong, to be honest in admitting their mistakes and to make amends.

In all areas of our lives, our children learn from us and the people around them. There are many opportunities in which they can learn either good or bad when they observe the way we interact with others, how we deal with emotions, and why and how we do certain things.

Whether we like it or not, if we choose to be responsible and loving parents, there’s hard work involved and we have to be on our toes. We need to ask what we are modelling to our children when we cut into a long queue at the supermarket cashier, interrupt a conversation without saying ‘excuse me’, jump the queue at the traffic lights, complain rudely to a waiter in a restaurant, shout, swear or act violently in anger or frustration, procrastinate important tasks, give up when the going gets tough or – as I’ve come across many a time – dash quickly into a public parking lot after it is vacated when we know another car has been waiting to park there. Some even have the arrogance or cheek to tell the rightful ‘parker’ to find another spot.

Are we raising our children with the right character and attitude when we display rude, selfish and disgusting behaviour? Do we quickly put blame on the parents of the children our child interacts with when he comes home with a swear word? Do we leave it to the teachers at school or the day-care centre to discipline our children?

The school holidays are here now. It’s a good time to take time off to spend with our children. We could work at modelling some good examples into our interaction with them besides showering them with the attention and fun they missed out when we were too busy with our work.

A safe riding we go

The young must be safely restrained in proper baby or child seats as a matter of policy for all parents

theSun, Tues, 14 Dec 2010

ACCORDING to the World Report on Child Injury Prevention, released by Unicef and World Health Organisation in 2008, the top cause of child deaths is road crashes. Some 260,000 children are killed every year while about 10 million are injured.
Road accidents are also the leading cause of deaths among 10- to 19-year-olds, next to drowning that kills more than 175,000 children a year.

Responding to a reader’s feedback in a local daily in June this year, the director-general of Malaysian Institute of Road Safety Research (Miros) said: "One of the primary areas that are currently being comprehensively looked into by Miros is the need for children to be safely restrained in vehicles, more precisely the use of baby seats, child seats, and child booster seats.

"As you are aware, while the law states that all occupants of a vehicle must fasten their seat belts, there are currently no provisions making it mandatory for adults ferrying small children in the car to use proper child-restraint systems."

Whether a mandatory law is already in place or not, it is of utmost importance for all of us to know and practise car safety measures for our children.

After reading various articles on car safety for children, I’ve gathered and compiled some tips here:

> Babies must be placed in proper carriers that are fastened to the seat of the car and children must be in car seats or booster seats that are correctly fitted and appropriate for their size.

If your child’s head sticks out over the top, the child seat is too small. If your child sits loosely in the child seat, roll up a few towels and place them on either side of the child in the seat.

> A child can be placed in the front passenger seat only if the car has no passenger-side airbag or if the airbag is switched off. Airbags are meant for adults and when deployed during a crash, could cause serious injury to children.

Turn it on again when an adult sits there. If the airbag cannot be switched off, the child must sit at the back.

> It is best for children of all ages, including teenagers, to be seated at the back of the car, with baby carriers fastened in a rear-facing position in the centre of the car to minimise injuries from side-on crashes.

Ensure that the baby carrier or car seat you purchase is from a reliable manufacturer and has met necessary safety standards. Install the seat properly following the manufacturer’s instructions. A child can still get hurt in a car seat that has not been properly fastened to the car when he is thrown forward during an accident.

> The child has to be secured with a three-point seat belt. If a child uses the normal seat belt of the car, the diagonal belt must cross the child’s chest and shoulders and not the neck.

When using a hand-me-down car seat, make sure that it had not been in any accident before. Examine it for cracks or wear-and tear, and that the belt and buckle are complete and functioning.

Some seats come with a manufacturer’s expiration date so check for that too.

A good and correctly-used car seat, and conscious effort in ensuring your child’s safety are worthwhile investments.

Like ducks to water

Swimming is not only therapeutic and fun but also develops coordination, self-confidence and positive image in both young and old
theSun, Tue, 23 Nov 2010

I LIKE swimming. I find being in the water and moving around in it rather therapeutic. It is also a good form of physical activity for everyone regardless of age.
Swimming gives our body a total low impact workout. It trains our breathing and strengthens our heart and lungs. It helps build flexibility and stamina, and is suitable for not only the healthy but also those with health problems.

Swimming or water activities are used in various treatments for physical, mental and developmental therapy. Water supports body weight, and with proper flotation devices, adults and children with disabilities, such as those with cerebral palsy, amputees, the visually-impaired or wheelchair-bound, can exercise in the water.

Because there is no hard impact on the joints, swimming is a suitable choice for those recovering from stroke or arthritis.

Teaching dyslexic children to swim also helps them read and write normally because swimming is an ambidextrous activity which helps to balance the brain hemispheres.

Most children have a natural affinity to water. They enjoy playing in it. Infants will kick and get excited when you give them a bath while preschoolers will simply find every chance to get wet or plead to stay longer in the tub.

Any age is a great age for the opportunity for you to introduce your child to swimming. It is also good for children and adults alike to learn water safety skills that they will need for the future.

Besides strengthening heart and lungs, providing aerobic exercise, toning muscles, enhancing blood circulation and immunity, swimming also develops coordination, concentration, self-confidence and positive self-image.

If taken up as a competitive sport, swimming like any other sport, can build confidence, self-esteem, positive attitude and team spirit.

According to Kids Exercise (www.kidsexercise.co.uk), "overweight kids who don’t enjoy many games may find swimming to be a pleasure; movement in the water may be easier, making fitness fun for even those who have shied away from other forms of exercise".

Taking it a step further, I believe it is only a matter of time that, with the exercise these overweight children are getting from swimming, they will soon lose some weight and have better self-image.

They can also become more confident discovering that they can do what other children can, albeit in the water for starters.

The website also mentioned that children who take part in early swimming programmes are often thought to be happier and healthier. "Research has shown that early swimmers perform better on tests measuring social, academic, motor and personality developments."

Whether you choose to take up swimming to burn calories, lose weight, as a form of therapy or for leisure and recreation, swimming is beneficial in many aspects. It can be a fun social activity too as it allows you to spend time as a family to strengthen relationships and bonds between you and your children.

And on hot days, swimming is a great way to cool down without resorting to the air conditioner, thereby, reducing your carbon footprint without getting all sweaty to boot.

Back to Basics

theSun, Tues, 9 Nov 2010

My daughter’s current ambition is to be a singer-cum-guitarist in a rock band, so she asked for singing and guitar lessons. At age four, she was totally enamoured with the drums and pestered us for drum lessons. Once, she was fascinated with some children’s artwork displayed outside an art school so she requested for art lessons. Then, there were requests for dance, piano and kung fu classes. To cut the story short, there have been many other instances of such requests along the way.

As a parent, I am pleased that she has the desire and curiosity to want to learn new things. But it is also a challenge to juggle the benefits of allowing her to explore and learn, with her ability to focus and be committed to each activity. And not to mention determining which she could have since time and money were important considerations in these pursuits.

Other parents lament that their kids are not interested in anything besides their toys, games and the television, and that they have to coax and find ways to get them interested. Being on either side of the extreme is neither good nor bad. It is just a matter of keeping perspectives right.

Often times, especially in our current competitive world, we are pressured to want our children to do well in everything they pursue. We tend to compare our child’s performance with others.

While we love our children and want the best for them, we sometimes inadvertently push them a little too much, and even unknowingly try to live out our lives through them. Because we ourselves had desired to be a doctor but did not make it somehow, we want our child to study medicine for example.

Children should be given the freedom to explore, find their passion and develop their individual talents. A child is a unique individual and therefore cannot be compared with any other child, not even his or her twin.

Paul Zucker, author of parenting book "Loving Our Children, Loving Ourselves - How We Achieve Our Mutual Happiness And Fulfillment" said, “Our responsibility as parents is to allow our children to discover and express their uniqueness, combination of intelligence, talents, and abilities. If we believe they are unique and thus gifted, different and special, then we know we don't have to impose our desires on them. We also know that all children are special, because they are all unique, so we give up making it a competition. Other parent's children can do what they do, and our kids can do what they do and there is room for everyone; their kids can't do what ours can in some way and vice versa.

We allow children to discover and express their uniqueness by not imposing specific outcomes. In other words, we do not make them play a sport or instrument, dance, learn to cook, ride a bike, go water skiing, learn a hobby, if they are not willing and enthusiastic. Our job as parents is to provide opportunities for our children to explore, try, and experience life.”

That’s a good reminder. We need to free our children from the pressure and conflict within themselves created by our plans and desires for them. Give your children the opportunity to experience many things. They will eventually discover their passion, talent and abilities, and excel.

Cybernet for kids

Teaching children about Internet safety is necessary these days to prevent abuse and bullying on the Net
theSun, Tues 26 Oct 2010

IT IS said that for every ‘good’ thing, there may be a ‘bad’ side. We need to know how to exploit the pros for our benefit and control the cons to be safe.

So it is with our usage of the Internet. If adults can become victims of Internet addictions, stalkers, scammers and other dangerous elements, young children and teenagers who are innocent and more trusting would face higher risks when they venture into the Internet world.

Even if they don’t join chat rooms and befriend strangers on the Internet, our children’s privacy has been found to be compromised.

In a Sept 17 report in the online version of the Wall Street Journal titled On the Web, Children Face Intensive Tracking, Steve Stecklow reported the Journal’s investigation and findings on "tiny tracking tools used by data-collection companies to follow people as they surf the Internet".

Profiles detailing your online activities, behaviour and personal interests are then built and sold to advertisers. Although the profiles don’t include names, they can include "age, tastes, hobbies, shopping habits, race, likelihood to post comments and general location, such as city".

It is important to remember that when we allow our children to use the Internet, we also need to teach them about Internet safety. We need to supervise or monitor their online activities regularly to ensure that their exposure to risks and dangers are minimised.

For young children, it is best that you be with them when they are searching for information or playing games online. At times, a spelling mistake when typing a keyword into a search engine could lead to sites that are unsuitable. Bookmark the sites that your child frequently visits for easier and direct access.

Place your computer in a common and open area in the house, not in a bedroom, so that the computer screen is visible to you as you go about your chores around the house.

Talk to your children and create awareness of cyber-bullying, sexual victimisation and other possible online risks. Tell them never to divulge any personal information such as their name, home address, school name or phone number. They should not upload or email pictures of themselves to people they don’t know personally, or to arrange any face-to-face meetings with someone they met online.

Teach them that not everything they read or are told online is true, or some people may not be who they say they are. They should not respond to messages from strangers or those that are harassing or obscene.

Be aware of the privacy policies and the type and amount of personal information required by sites that you or your child register with and use. Install filtering and blocking software, or those that can monitor and track online activities.

If your child uses any computer outside your home, such as in school, at the library or a friend’s home, find out if they have such measures in place to protect the users.

Teach them to use the Internet responsibly. Show them the benefits of using it for their studies and homework, and how to play educational games and communicate with their friends safely.

Also keep them occupied with other activities such as music, sports or other projects. These are much healthier and safer activities compared to joining a chat room full of strangers and spending too much time surfing the Web while snacking on junk food.

Home work

It’s still a constant struggle to balance career and family even if the office is in the house
theSun, Tue, 12 Oct 2010

ONE OF the challenges a work-at-home-mother (WAHM) faces is balancing work and family. We want to do well in our work, yet we must fulfil our responsibilities to our family. After all, our children are the main reason we left the rat race to work from home.

While we all have our good and bad days, we tell ourselves that it is a good, or for some, the best, decision we’ve made in our lives.

That, however, doesn’t remove the fact that it’s a constant struggle to spend our time effectively to achieve all we set out to do.

When organising our time to care for our children as a WAHM, we need to be realistic. Bringing up children without having to work is already a huge task in itself. Once you throw in a work-from-home job, tell yourself that there’s no such thing as perfection all the time.

The picture of a neat and tidy home with a woman sitting in front of her computer working calmly, while her children are quietly doing their homework is usually just that – a picture. That seldom happens in reality, so don’t tear your hair out to make that happen.

Don’t expect to be able to keep your house in tip-top condition, especially when you do not have hired help who can dust and tidy for you all day long.

You can however enlist your children to help. Give them age-appropriate chores. They need to learn to be responsible for their own room, books and toys.

Cultivate the spirit of teamwork within the family.

With cooking, don’t try to be the Iron Chef. Opt for nutritious yet convenient recipes. Use your steamer, crockpot and helpful utensils that reduce cooking and preparation time such as a food processor or pressure cooker.

Cook in bulk and freeze, and plan ahead your menu and grocery shopping for the week. Make a list to avoid wasting time and money having to make a last-minute dash to get a bunch of stuff.

Know your priorities and if your work has reached your eyeballs, it’s time to slow down. Re-schedule, re-prioritise or take on fewer assignments if possible.

Find out the best time of day when you can work uninterrupted – in the mornings when everyone is at work and school, at night when they are asleep, or when they are napping or watching television during the day.

Take time off for yourself, even if it is just for half an hour. Better yet, schedule ‘me’ time once a week where you can get out of the house and do as you please.

You may need to learn to let go and trust others to man the fort at home. You need to have the support of your spouse or learn to be ‘thick-skinned’ enough to ask others for help in babysitting.

When you are working, be disciplined. Avoid distractions and procrastination by making a to-do list. Stay focused, work on one thing at a time.

Sometimes you may make more mistakes when you overdo it with multitasking.

Having shared all these, I must admit that I have not been the most exemplary WAHM when it comes to following my own tips.

I am human after all, and if you are in the same boat, remember that it is the means, and not the end that matters all the time.

Taking the biting out

Instead of punishing the child who likes to bite others, try to find out what drives the child to do it
theSun, Tues, 28 Sept 2010

Your toddler returns from nursery school one day with a bite mark. Your first thought as a protective mother is to find out which brat did that to your precious one and probably give that child a taste of his or her own medicine.

Many of us parents have surely encountered such an experience, either with our child being the victim or more embarrassingly, the biter.

Biting the culprit back, according to experts, is definitely not the remedy.

We should never allow our child to seek revenge because if we do, it tells them that biting or violence is an acceptable way to resolve problems.

What is paramount is to learn why children bite.

You must understand that it is natural for children to do so. When they start teething, they bite to find relief from the discomfort of swelling and tender gums.

They will sink their teeth into anything from toys, the spoon they are eating from, or your finger.

Nursing mothers will share their painful tales too as the young ones are unable to differentiate between biting an object or a person.

Children love to explore. They do it by smelling, touching, hearing and tasting. Biting is another way. They are discovering cause and effect.

They sometimes bite to find out what will happen, and are not aware that it hurts someone when they bite them.

Some children bite to gain attention and get what they want. When they tussle for a toy, one child might bite the other to gain power over the toy, or to chase the other child away.

Children learn by imitating. They see others biting and may want to try it out. When they get bitten and lose the tussle for the toy they want, they might just bite back in self-defence, or use this tactic the next time they get into a similar situation.

Parents and caregivers need to respond calmly but quickly when a child bites another. Comfort the victim and attend to the wound. Then be firm with the biter, telling him sternly that she/he must not bite and that it hurts the other child.

Separate them and give them different activities to do.

If they are fighting over a toy, you may want to distract one of them with another interesting toy or activity if they are still too young to understand the concept of sharing.

When they have learnt to share, remember to praise them specifically for their behaviour. Children love to be praised and will be encouraged to continue practising the good habit when you tell them how proud you are of them.

As they have yet to develop the skills to fully express their feelings and needs, children sometimes resort to biting, hitting, kicking or pushing to express their anger and frustration.

Encourage them to use words to express their feelings. Talk to them and help them use the correct words. Tell them firmly that it is wrong to bite and teach them to say: "I’m angry, I want that toy" or to go to you or their caregiver immediately when they get into such situations.

This could minimise the chances of them biting out of frustration, anger or in self-defence.

More than child's play

Playing dress-up will sharpen children’s creativity as well as their imagination
theSun, Tue, 14 Sep 2010

CHILDREN, both girls and boys alike, aged four or five enjoy trying on clothes and accessories. They simply love to experiment with how they look.
Girls may try out a dozen hair clips or necklaces and mummy’s high heels, while boys will want to dress up like daddy by trying on ties, and requesting for fancy jeans, belts or shoes.

At that age, they grow more conscious of their appearance and would want to choose their own clothes. With your guidance, they learn how to make decisions.

As long as your daughter is dressing up appropriately for the occasion or weather, just give in at times if she decides to wear orange socks with her pink polka-dot dress, for example.

According to Dr Dorothy Einon, author of Creative Play for 2-5s, around this age, "your child now moves more like a little adult than a baby, and being a little adult also characterises many of her other skills and attributes. She now has a great deal more in common with herself at 16 years than herself at 16 months."

In her book, the writer recommends playing dress-up for children at this age. Playing dress-up is an activity that allows your child to have fun while developing their creativity and imagination.

Leave them to their own devices and you’ll be amazed at the characters they come up with. You will see how clever they are at improvising with things to make the props or costumes they need.

Start a collection of dress-up clothes like old scarves, shawls, hats, cloaks, jewellery, bags, sunglasses, hair clips, etc.

Also include props like a toy mobile phone, briefcase, apron, utensils, fireman’s helmet, stethoscope, wand, sword, eye patch - anything that helps them create a character they can dress up as.

Make these easily accessible by keeping them in a special box or drawer.

Besides sparking their creativity and imagination, the act of putting on and taking off clothes, buckling up, fastening or unfastening buttons gives them fine motor skill practice.

Playing dress-up also helps them overcome fears and learn new things. Playing doctor, nurse or dentist could help your child not be afraid of going to the clinic, taking shots or medicine. Playing teacher could reassure your child that going to preschool is fun, while playing engineer or mechanic could teach your child how a car works.

When children play together, they learn to share not only props but ideas. They develop interpersonal skills and learn to be tolerant, to share and cooperate.

They practise communication and negotiation skills when they choose costumes, decide on the pretend-play scenario and storyline they want, and who plays the villain or hero, for instance. They learn to be expressive and improve their vocabulary.

By playing ‘good’ and ‘bad’ roles, they learn the difference between right and wrong. They learn to how to amuse themselves and see their role in the family. They become clearer about their gender identity and understand differences between men and women.

They also learn about the world around them and understand the many different roles and responsibilities people have. They will grow up with self-confidence.

Classic board-games

Playing chess, Scrabble and Monopoly is fun and educational for both young and old
theSun, Tue, 24 Aug 2010

THESE DAYS, children have the privilege to pick and choose colourful custom-made toys and games from mega toy stores. On top of that, with today’s advanced technology, the young (and old) are spoilt for choice with electronic handheld games, video and computer games.

Many classic board-games such as chess, checkers, Scrabble or Monopoly tend to get sidelined for these more modern versions of fun. Board-games, however, are beneficial for children, and adults, in many ways.

They are a wonderful alternative and allow you to spend quality family time at home during weekends instead of traipsing around crowded malls window-shopping.

In a quieter and more relaxed home environment, where everyone is gathered around a game, conversations will naturally take place. Talk could initially be about the game but you’ll never know what golden opportunities for bonding and teaching morals and values you may have with them when they open up to share their ideas, problems, and feelings.

Board-games enhance educational and social skills. By playing board-games, children learn a variety of lessons. Young children get to practise counting, matching, colour recognition, reading and vocabulary.

There are games that develop motor skills, manual dexterity and eye-hand coordination for the younger children. There are also those that promote strategy, problem-solving and planning skills for the older ones.

Word-games, such as Scrabble or Boggle, develop language skills such as vocabulary and spelling while others that involve quizzes and questions may test your child’s general knowledge. Games that use ‘play money’ like Monopoly may teach children about various denominations, counting change and managing money. It also helps develop reasoning and social skills.

Studies have also shown that playing games like chess improves logical thinking, math and reading skills. Simple games like Snakes and Ladders can teach young children counting and, at the same time, how to handle disappointment. These games help children learn about life – that we do not win all the time and that there will be ups and downs.

With younger children, it may be all right to bend the rules or give in to them a little to help them win at first. This can help build their self-confidence, sustain their interest in the game, and have an enjoyable experience playing board-games.

Meanwhile, with older children, learning to play by the rules and not cheat can teach them about compliance, sportsmanship and honesty.

Many studies have shown that playing games is beneficial for everyone regardless of sex, socio-economic class, or age. It is also reported that playing board-games reduces the risk of Alzheimer’s in the elderly.

Another formal study, The Venezuela ‘Learning to Think Project’, concluded that chess, methodically taught, helps increase the IQ of elementary schoolchildren of both sexes.

Learning aside, playing board-games together as a family is a great way to relieve stress. It is a wholesome and fun activity that brings family and even friends together for a meaningful time of sharing. In such a setting, you share fun, laughter, and even food.

So if you’re thinking of doing something different this weekend with your children, how about wiping the dust off your board-game collection and start spinning some dice?

Finding the right balance

theSun, Tue, 10 Aug 2010

CHILDREN are not spared when we see the increasing number of cardiovascular, obesity and diabetes cases around the world, even in Malaysia.

An article on childhood obesity, published in the Malaysian Journal of Nutrition (March 2004), quoted research by Segal D.G. and Sanchez J.C. (2001) that "after an obese child reaches six years of age, the probability that obesity will persist into adulthood exceeds 50%, and [that] 70% to 80% of obese adolescents will remain so as adults".

The writers also quoted that as increasing numbers of overweight children and adolescents progress to adulthood, cardiovascular, respiratory, gastrointestinal, endocrine and psychosocial problems are expected to reach epidemic proportions.

While eating out or buying take-away lunches are more convenient options for our busy lifestyles, try to schedule some family meal times for certain meals such as dinner, or on certain days of the week when everyone is available to sit down together for a home-cooked meal.

Eating together not only provides family time for bonding, it also gives you the opportunity to prepare a well-balanced meal for the family. You can work more fruits and vegetables into the menu, and cut down on fried and processed foods.

Eating together also gives you the opportunity to introduce new types of food to younger children. It may, however, require a few attempts and some patience to get junior to eat mashed potatoes instead of French fries for instance.

While carrot and celery sticks, or apples and bananas may be boring compared to a bag of chips or candy, some creativity could change perspectives.

Serve them with healthy dips or accompaniments such as peanut butter, cheese or tomato salsa. And include fruits into your wholemeal pancakes, and diced vegetables into your omelettes for example.

Do not bribe children with candy or junk food. Do not force them to finish everything on their plate if they can’t. This will help them learn to ‘listen’ to their appetite and not overeat when they are older.

Involve your children as much as you can when shopping and preparing food. Take them with you for grocery shopping. Show them the various food you need to complete the food pyramid for a balanced diet. Teach them to read food labels. Tell them the different nutrients your body need and in which types of food they can be found.

If you have a garden, get them involved by planting vegetables they like. Ask them to help you wash, cut, peel and chop when cooking. Children tend to be more interested in eating the food they have helped to grow and prepare.

Healthy eating ideas can also be imparted to children when you role-play with them and when you read books about health and food together with them.

Among some fun titles to pore over are Oh the Things You Can Do That are Good for You!: All About Staying Healthy (part of the Cat in the Hat Learning Library Series) by Tish Rabe, Cookie by Lisa Woomer and The Berenstain Bears and Too Much Junk Food by Stan and Jan Berenstain.

It is without doubt that parents play an important role in teaching children to eat healthily. When children learn to do this from young, they are more likely to continue this habit as they grow older.

Water lessons

theSun, Tue, 27 Jul 2010

CHILDREN simply love to play with water, don’t they? I remember enjoying it myself when I was a child. I ‘swam’ in the bath tub, played with live tadpoles in it (yes, I really did), washed my dolly’s clothes in a basin, and ‘shot’ at my brother with a water pistol.
Water play is a fun and educational way to keep our children cool on hot days, and occupied those boring hours in a stimulating manner. It’s also a clever way to get those who refuse a bath to step into the tub (and later, to refuse to step out!).

Whether it’s indoors or outdoors, water play helps children, from infants and toddlers to school-age ones, develop skills and learn something from it.

By filling and carrying a bucket, pouring a cup of ‘tea’ and stirring, or scooping water from one bowl into another, children are actually developing their motor skills and hand-eye coordination.

Water is a sensory-play material that is beneficial for children, similar to other sensory-play materials such as sand and play dough. Their senses are stimulated when they feel water run through their body and fingers, when playing with ice cubes and experiencing them melting, and when splashing and kicking about in a tub or pool.

They learn the difference between wet and dry, solid and liquid, for example. They improve their vocabulary with words such as heavy, light, sink, float, shallow, deep, empty and full.

They learn math and science concepts such as mass and volume. They learn how to measure and see how a liquid changes ‘shape’ when poured into containers of different shapes and sizes.

And when they mix water with materials such as salt, sugar, coffee or food colouring, they learn how water can change in terms of taste and colour, what’s soluble and insoluble.

Water play provides the opportunity for free and creative play. Imagination is given free reign when you throw a few simple things into the bathwater – plastic bowls, cups, drinking straws, and funnel, for example. And animal bath toys, sponges, plastic or paper boats could turn the bathtub into adventureland.

While water play could be fun and beneficial in the overall physical, mental, emotional and social development of a child, we need to be mindful of potential dangers as well.

Always supervise your child when she is playing with water. Never leave a child alone in the tub or swimming pool for even a split second to answer the phone in the next room, for example. Inconvenient as it is, take her with you.

Little ones can drown in less than an inch of water. Like us adults, they could also slip and fall on wet floors.

Do not leave buckets filled with water lying around where children can easily reach them. Empty them after use.

Childproofing bathroom doors to prevent young children from entering them unsupervised is a good idea. Drain paddling pools after use, and erect enclosures or cover the swimming pool to prevent children from accidentally falling into the water.

Learn how to swim as a family. It is a good skill to have besides giving you good exercise. Ensure you have proper flotation devices for your children (and yourself) when you indulge in water activities such as swimming in the pool, lake or sea, or going on a boat ride.

Separation anxiety

theSun, Tue, 20 Jul 2010

THE memory of it is still fresh although it happened four years ago – the first time I sent my child to nursery school. She was then three years old.
I had prepared her for it as best as I could, but when the moment came for me to leave, the floodgates opened and the school bell was no match for her bawling.

I was advised by the experienced teacher to simply say a reassuring goodbye and leave her in their good hands. I plucked up the courage to trust the teachers and left, albeit with a heavy heart.

When I returned a couple of hours later and took a peek through the window, there she was, still crying and calling out for me.

While the crying bouts decreased as the days passed, it took her about two weeks before she could say goodbye to me with a smile.

I’m sure many parents have experienced a similar situation.

Young children become anxious or fearful when they experience new people, new surroundings, changes to their routine and most of all, when they are separated from the people they have close bonds with, such as their parents or caregiver.

Separation anxiety, as it is termed, usually happens when the child has discovered the concept of object permanence, whereby something or someone still exists when out of his sight.

This usually takes place when the child is around nine months old and peaks between 12 to 24 months.

Toddlers, especially those who have less experience in being separated from loved ones, will also feel it more.

It also happens to older children when they start formal schooling or when a situation arises where a loved one is going away.

There are some steps we can take to soften the blow.

Place your child with an alternate caregiver without your presence occasionally. Provide him with positive and fun experiences with caregivers for short periods of time.

Do not sneak away without his knowledge. Instead, tell him reassuringly that you will be back and that he will be all right.

Before you leave, give him an object of yours to keep safely on your behalf such as a photograph of yourself or a keychain for example, so that he’ll know that you’ll come back for it and him.

You can also read books about going to nursery or pre-school and going on new adventures.

If possible, familiarise him with the new surroundings and people he will be with, prior to the ‘official’ time when he starts at the daycare or school.

Make informal visits there to see the place, teachers and new friends. Walk around the place, tell him what he will be doing, especially the fun activities and toys he’ll get to play with while you are away.

Although it could be a trying period of transition for both the child and parent, rest assured that it would come to pass sooner or with a bit more patience, later.

However, you may need to consider seeking professional help if your child displays persistent and extreme anxiety, such as having recurrent nightmares about being separated, fear of being alone, kidnapped or lost, and excessive worrying that bad things will happen to his loved ones.

He may refuse to go to sleep without being near his loved one, and often complain of physical problems such as stomachaches or headaches when being separated.

These are some symptoms of a separate problem called separation anxiety disorder.

Getting Physical

theSun, Tue, 6 Jul 2010

CHILDREN, like adults, need to exercise regularly to stay healthy. Exercise actually involves physical activity, and when children run around, hop about and dance along to their favourite music, they are exercising.

While it is good to enrol children in exercise-related classes such as swimming, martial arts, dance or gymnastics, children also need unstructured playtime to keep them active constantly in between those structured exercise sessions.

Experts recommend at least 30 to 60 minutes of daily exercise for children above two years of age. It is quite common these days to see children sedentary for long periods due to the availability of media-related distractions such as television, computer and game consoles. Media time has to be controlled so that children can get some ‘total body workout’.

It has been found that sitting in front of the television munching on unhealthy snacks and exercising only your fingers by playing computer games have contributed to an increase in child obesity cases around the world.

According to kidshealth.org, active children will have stronger muscles and bones; a leaner body because exercise helps control body fat; be less likely to become overweight; have lower risk of developing type 2 diabetes; with possibly lower blood pressure and blood cholesterol levels; and have a better outlook on life.

They will also sleep better at night and are better able to handle physical and emotional challenges.

Make exercise a fun family affair so that they will be eager to participate. Children whose parents are active and exercise regularly are more likely to follow in their footsteps.

These days, with crime rates rising, parents may fear harm befalling their children if they are let out on their own to play outside.

If possible, it is best to accompany your children when they are outdoors and join them in their physical activities. Not only will your children be safe but it will give you the opportunity to spend quality time bonding with them.

You can also take them to the many purpose-built activity centres that have mushroomed around town. For a fee, these places offer activities ranging from toddlers’ gym, inline skating, indoor playground, dance and martial arts classes to indoor rock climbing. Most are located in strategic places such as shopping malls and offer ‘park-and-play’ services where you can ‘park’ your child under proper supervision while you shop or run errands nearby.

You can also play with your children within your house compound if it is not convenient to go to public places. Organise activities such as skipping and playing tag, or indulge in games like hopscotch and hide-and-seek.

You can also dance to fast songs or twirl the hula hoop. Put on a fun exercise DVD that is age-appropriate for your children and get them moving along with it if it is raining and you can’t go outside.

Play ‘pretend’ games such as having to jump over imaginary puddles to reach the ‘treasure chest’, ‘Mother Hen’, tug-of-war, or create a simple obstacle course that makes them run, hop, jump, crawl and climb.

The main idea is to simply get everyone moving regularly, working up some sweat and along with that an appetite for nutritious food to create a family that is happy, healthy and fit.

Duty-bound kids

Children should be taught responsibility at a young age to enable them to grow up into conscientious adults
theSun, Tue, 22 Jun 2010

RESPONSIBILITY is something we need to teach our children. It is not something they can ‘pick up’ along the way as they grow older.

A child will not realise that he needs to tidy up his toys after playing if you don’t teach him to do so. He may not understand that it matters to be punctual for a meeting or a dinner appointment if you don’t model the right example.

Young children learn from mimicking us while the older ones may see through our double standards if we don’t practise what we preach.

Do we leave our things lying around in a messy heap? Do we keep our promises or are we always late for appointments? Do we spend our money carefully? Do we procrastinate or do the important things that have to be done even if we don’t feel like it?

Children as young as three can be taught responsibility, starting with simple chores such as picking up their toys and books and putting them back where they belong.

‘A place for everything, and everything in its place’ is a good mantra for everyone in the family to remember and learn to be responsible for their belongings and keep them in neat and good condition.

School-going children can be tasked with the responsibility of making their own beds, packing their own schoolbags or helping out with simple household chores such as sweeping the floor, feeding a pet or washing the dishes. The important thing is that the task should be age-appropriate and need not be completed perfectly.

Provide them with the tools but let them do the job themselves. Do not criticise if the job is not done well. Instead, encourage and praise them for their effort.

Don’t overwhelm them all of a sudden with too many responsibilities. Setting them up for failure with too many tasks will discourage them. Small successes will motivate them to want to carry out all their responsibilities voluntarily without being nagged to do so.

If they are irresponsible, allow them to face the consequences. We may be tempted to make another trip to school to hand over the book he left behind, or we may want to sit down with him and help him do every bit of his homework, but if we did, we will not be teaching him to be responsible.

Children need to learn to manage the situation and deal with the consequences of their irresponsibility. We need to refrain from rescuing them all the time.

Teach your child to manage money. Let him keep his savings (as long as it’s not too huge a sum) and learn not to spend more than he has. Inculcate in him the habit to save and that it is not good to borrow money if he doesn’t have enough to buy something he wants. Encourage him to save until he has enough money to buy it.

Let him participate in team-related activities, or do volunteer work and part-time jobs when he is old enough. These are activities that require him to be punctual, considerate of others and perform certain tasks even if he does not feel like doing them.

Finally, like with all other things we want to teach our children, we need to exercise love and patience. Just like us, they need time to learn and change.

Cartoon attractions

theSun, Tues, 8 June 2010

THIS YEAR, my daughter has cultivated the habit of watching cartoons immediately upon returning from school. She would just plonk herself down on the sofa and grab the remote control after removing her shoes.
In the beginning, I used to chide her for doing that instead of things I considered ‘more important’, such as taking a shower and starting on her homework.

After several failed attempts, I decided this was not a battle worth stressing about. I rationalised that she needed to ‘chill’ after a long day at school.

Her mind probably needed a break from all the ‘serious’ stuff that had been bombarding it from as early as 7.45am till 2.35pm, with only short breaks for recess and lunch.

She is, after all, still a child, only turning eight later this year. As a result, it should be all right that she does not work that hard as yet. As the old saying goes, all work and no play makes Jill a dull girl.

Watching cartoons do actually provide some benefits. And they are not limited to children alone. Some cartoons cater to adults as well.

When adults watch children’s cartoons with them, they can have some fun time together. If the cartoons happen to be the classic evergreen Disney genre that the adults had watched when they were young, they would already know the lessons behind them and can point them out to their children.

We all enjoy cartoons as they make us laugh and laughter is good for the mind and body. As they say, laughter is the best medicine. When you laugh, you produce endorphins that have pain-relieving properties and help strengthen your immunity.

Cartoons can take your mind off work, worries and stress, which has been shown to be a contributing factor to physical illness.

Watching cartoons is not only fun but it is an educational activity for children as well. Cartoons can be used as accompanying tools for teaching valuable lessons, while making learning more fun.

There are role models and heroes to emulate, songs and music to sing and dance along with, and they help children remember educational information more easily. Children can also learn a new language by watching cartoons in different languages.

So what’s not good about watching cartoons?

It’s when we leave our children unsupervised and use cartoons or the television in general as a convenient babysitter or child minder.

For your child to benefit from watching cartoons and other animated movies, you need to help them make the right choices. Watch together with them, if possible, and tell them what’s right or wrong, what’s real or not.

While it is all right for my daughter to re-live her pre-school days by watching Dora or Little Einsteins, it would not be appropriate for her to watch cartoons that contain violence or sexual elements, or those that use swear words freely. These do not teach proper behaviour and values.

Viewing time should also be controlled, lest they go overboard and neglect their studies, homework, exercise, and social interaction times.

Like in most things concerning our children, we need to supervise, monitor, and play a guiding role to develop and nurture their character, morals and values.

Exam Fever

It’s the time of the year when children are tested and parents are stressed
theSun, Tue, 25 May 2010

MOST Malaysian school-going children have probably already sat for their mid-year examinations or are about to do so.

Parents, especially those with younger children, sometimes feel as if they are the ones taking the exams, and not their children.

They tend to get anxious, worried and stressed out if they feel their children are not prepared enough to face the exam.

A large part of our lives as responsible and loving parents involves spending as much time as we can with our children. The security of a loving and stable family and home provides our children with a conducive environment for learning.

When you have a good relationship with your child, he will be more receptive when you tell him about the importance of doing consistent revision in order to be better prepared for exams. He will also share his problems with you more freely and seek your help.

Sit with him and help him as he studies. The study area should be free from distractions such as the computer, television or toys.

Develop a routine for study time, and help him draw up a timetable. Make a list of all the subjects and topics that need to be covered to ensure that he studies everything, and not only his favourites.

Provide adequate breaks in between to allow him to rest. Younger children may have a shorter attention span and will not be able to sit down too long to study.

Short breaks will enable them to release their pent-up energy and they will be more willing to continue studying afterwards.

Make your child practise answering questions. Provide him with worksheets or sample exam questions to do. While it is important for your child to remember what he has learnt, he must also know how to use the information to answer the exam questions within the time allocated.

How we feel and act impact our child. If our stress and anxiety rub off on him, he may end up becoming nervous or overwhelmed.

Try not to upset him, and keep him cheerful so that he will face his exam in good spirits.

Also, make sure he eats healthily and gets enough sleep.

In order to help our children prepare for an exam, we need to have a healthy view of exams ourselves.

Exams are just a way of measuring how much a child has learnt and if he is able to apply the knowledge.

We must remember that all children are wired differently. Therefore, we should not compare our children with their classmates or relatives and neighbours.

Praise his effort. If he had done his best, do not blame or punish him if he does not do well. Help him understand that the results do not define who he is. They are just an assessment tool.

Review the mistakes he has made, and encourage him to learn from them.

Finally, we must remember that we are not the ones taking the exam. We cannot "study" on behalf of our children.

They need to cultivate the desire to do well. They need to learn to face the consequences if they choose not to work hard.

They need to learn to be responsible for themselves and the fact that to succeed, they must work hard.

Kinder in the garden

theSun, Tue, 11 May 2010

MY RECENT interest in gardening got me pondering about getting children involved in this activity and how it can benefit them.
I recollected the small nursery in my primary school, which was maintained by the school gardener. As an extension to our classroom learning, my teacher encouraged us to bring some seeds to plant in the nursery. While I was not successful with my seeds, I recall sharing my classmate’s excitement when her seeds germinated.

Gardening can be an activity for children to experience what they are learning in theory. Nothing beats experiential learning with some fun thrown in for the child. There is a myriad of topics a child can learn and experience in a plant’s lifecycle, from the germination of the seed to the growth of the various parts of the plant and their functions, on pollination and the involvement of various insects and worms, on photosynthesis, and finally, composting.

Getting children to tend to their plants and reap the fruits of their labour teaches them responsibility and builds self-confidence. Being able to cook and eat the fruits and vegetables they planted with their own hands give them a sense of achievement and pride. They can be taught healthy eating habits too.

Gardening also helps the child develop a love for nature and the environment. It is an opportunity to help them become aware and conscious of efforts to protect the environment, such as recycling, using organic or natural pesticides, and minimising air and water pollution.

From gardening, you can spin off to other interesting activities such as cooking, and art and craft projects using plants, fruits and flowers from the garden.

Children who usually dislike eating vegetables can be more open to eating those they have planted themselves, especially when you involve them in the preparation and cooking as well.

Gardening gives the child an opportunity to be creative. The seeds, flowers and leaves of various plants can be collected, dried and compiled into a scrapbook as a keepsake. They can also be used to decorate greeting cards, bookmarks and trinkets.

To help them cope with boredom while waiting for their plants to show results, you can get them to cut up potatoes, lady’s fingers and lotus roots, dip them into paint to be used as stamps to create colourful patterns.

They can also make a signboard, a scarecrow or a pinwheel to be placed in their garden plot.

Take them for a visit to a vegetable farm, especially an organic one. Teach them how to make environmental enzyme using vegetable and fruit scraps, which can be used for their plants.

It is not too difficult to start a child on gardening. Give him a small plot in your garden or provide him with a planter box or a few small pots if you live in a condominium.

Give him seeds that sprout and mature quickly. Plant vegetables that he likes to eat, and plants that flower quickly and consistently.

Plants with large and colourful flowers and fragrant herbs are good choices that will appeal to his senses too.

Once you have helped your child get started, you would probably have just found yourself a little Miss or Master Green Fingers.

Gardening could even become his favourite hobby, or a wonderful family pastime.

Comics revolution

These books are now considered useful teaching tools for the young
theSun, Tues, 27 Apr 2010


I learnt a new word from my seven-year-old today. It is ‘tephra’.

I was talking to another adult about the current volcanic ash situation in Iceland when my daughter told us the rocks that are blown out from the volcano during the eruption are called tephra.

Knowing that she must have read it somewhere, I asked her the name of the book. It turned out to be a comic book, a science-based one, which I had bought for her some time back.

When I was young, the comics that I read were Beano and Dandy which ‘taught’ schoolroom antics and mischievous pranks.

Later in my teenage years, I read the Archie comics which gave an insight into the typical’American teenager’s life played out by Archie, Veronica, Betty, Moose, Jughead and Reggie.

Local newspapers, meanwhile, offered the likes of Bringing Up Father and Dagwood – nothing close to real educational content, let alone science.

I’m sure there were educational comics back then but they were not readily available in my part of the world. I would think the limited copies of Tintin at my school library were as close as I could get to ‘educational’ comics.

Nevertheless, comics brought excitement and played a part in developing my reading interest. Hence, I believe they do and can play a part in encouraging children to read and learn.

While I’m no expert in this case, I would think a ‘good’ comic as one that teaches and entertains. After all, learning should be fun.

However, it should be well written with good grammar and syntax, albeit simpler compared to books. It has to be also free from profanity and sexually suggestive or obscene pictures.

The storyline needs to be age appropriate as well with interesting and factual and relevant content.

And how do comics really help?

Comiclife.com lists a summary of The Key Benefits for Students Using Comics by Marilee Sarlitto, found in a 2003 article titled Creating Comics: Visual and Verbal Thinking in the Ultimate Show and Tell (Janette Combs, 2003).

The benefits include:

» giving a great visual representation of knowledge;

» presenting what is essential;

» making it easier to remember a visual graphic containing key information;

» engaging through thinking, creating and writing;

» being a perfect avenue for writing dialogue;

» inciting students with low interest in writing;

» helping organisation through storytelling and storyboarding;

» using visual images to convey meaning to a story or topic;

» developing creative and higher level thought processes;

» developing composition techniques through visual-verbal connections;

» enriching reading, writing and thinking;

» serving as an assessment and evaluation tool; and

» sequencing which promotes understanding.

In short, comics can help students to write, read, remember, understand, organise, think and be creative.

Besides reading them, students can create their own comics. A number of websites have made it easier for you to create your own comics. Some require you to purchase their software while others are free.

According to Bill Zimmerman, creator of MakeBeliefsComix.com, many of the visitors to his site have been educators who use it to teach reading, writing and the learning of English and other languages.

It certainly looks like comics are gaining acceptance as another useful teaching tool. The next time you and your child hit the newsstand or bookstore, see if you can find some interesting and educational comics for a change.

Gratifying youngsters

Whether it is a bribe or reward, children should not be trained to expect something for being obedient

theSun, Tue, 13 Apr 2010

I HAVE been guilty of negotiating unnecessary ‘win-win’ deals with my child to avoid the stress of power struggles. I give my child a new story book to keep her quiet during dinner at a restaurant, ­although reading at the dinner table is prohibited at home. I know I’m not alone in this. Some parents would buy their children candy or chocolates to prevent them from screaming in the supermarket. Others tell their children that they can have their dream toy if they do as they are told.

What is the difference between bribing and rewarding a child? The online Merriam-Webster ­dictionary defines bribery as “money or favour given or promised in ­order to ­influence the judgment or ­conduct...; something that serves to induce or influence”. Meanwhile, a reward, according to the same dictionary, is “something that is given in return for good done or received, or that is offered or given for some service or attainment”.

Based on these general definitions, we can say that ­giving ­something to a child prior to good behaviour is a bribe. It is to ­influence them into doing ­something we want them to do. Meanwhile, ­giving them something in return for being obedient can be defined as a reward. This is to reinforce the idea that good behaviour results in good consequences.

Be it a bribe or reward, we need to be mindful of a few things whenever we are tempted to offer our child some goodies in order for him to behave or do our bidding.

» Do not let this practice ­become a habit. If you reward your child for every little thing he does, it will soon become an expectation. He will expect to be rewarded for just washing his hands, for example. He may start demanding for a present every time you tell him to do something.

While there are times we can give a child something for a job well done, we should not allow him to think that he has a choice or can negotiate. There must be times when we need to be firm and
remind ourselves that we have the right to ask them to do certain things, and expect them to do it simply because we said so.

» Do not shoot from the hip and offer rewards freely. The child will comply to a request from the parent simply because he wants the specific reward. The moment the reward stops, the good behaviour will also stop.

» Do not offer food as a bribe or reward. For example, giving a child ice cream, sweets or ­cookies to make him pick up his toys will not teach him responsibility, and will create an unhealthy ­association with such foods. Teach your child about eating healthily and do not use junk food as rewards or ­incentives.

Rewards need not always be in the form of material things. Sincere praise, a hug and telling him you are proud of what he has done could help boost a child’s sense of self worth. Praise him when you observe good behaviour and when he does things on his own accord. It will encourage him to continue with the same behaviour in future.

Comfort sucks

Experts advise that children should be weaned off the pacifier from age two onwards
theSun, 30 Mar 2010


There are children whose ‘best friends’ are their pacifier. They go everywhere with it and only the pacifier can soothe and calm them in times of distress. They need it when they go to bed and for some, to remain asleep.

While the pacifier is not an entirely a bad thing to give your child, it would be a great challenge to wean him off it once he becomes too attached to it.

As the child’s natural instinct is to suck on something for comfort, the pacifier comes in handy as opposed to sucking their fingers, thumb, or the corner of a pillow or blanket.

Experts advise that the use of a pacifier should be discontinued after the child turns one.

At that age, his developmental needs do not include sucking, and by age two, he would have developed "higher level strategies" to manage his distress.

Dentists advise that pacifier use be discontinued after age two as it could affect the alignment and bite of the child’s teeth.

There are many ways to wean your child off the pacifier. The cold turkey approach could seem harsh while the gradual approach works on reducing pacifier use until a time when you can tell your child that it is ‘lost’ or ‘given away’.

Here are some suggestions I have compiled from several parenting websites, forums and other souces:

» Strictly bed time
During stress-free times such as when the child is at play, do not allow him to suck on it. Freeing him from the pacifier will also give him more opportunity to develop his speech.

Leave his pacifier in his cot and tell him it ‘lives’ there and nowhere else so that he uses it only when he is in bed. Do not allow him to use it when he takes naps during the day.

Gradually, limit its use to alternate nights, then stop giving it to him altogether.

» Cut off its end
Once they discover that it feels different, or when you tell them it does not work anymore, they may decide not to use it.

» Discard on special day
Choose a day such as his birthday and prepare him with the idea that he will stop using the pacifier from that day onwards.

Or tell him that his pacifier will not work any more after his third birthday. Then cut the pacifier.

Or when a special occasion such as Christmas approaches, tell him that if he gives his pacifier to other babies who need it, he will get a special toy for Christmas.

» Stop when he is sick
When your child comes down with a stuffy nose or cough, he will feel discomfort or will not be able to breathe if he sucks on the pacifier.

Take this opportunity to take his pacifier away from him.

After he recovers, you may tell him that the pacifier is ‘lost’. Distract him with some toys, books or other activities so that he will forget about the pacifier.

Whatever method you choose, it will take a lot of patience and strength not to give in when the child cries a few nights in a row because he cannot go to sleep without his pacifier.

If you give in, it will get harder and harder to wean him off the pacifier.

Teething blues

Take the bite out of this painful phase for both baby and parents theSun, Tues, 9 Mar 2010


Most babies start teething when they are about four months old. The first teeth that sprout are the lower incisors, the ones in the middle. The corresponding upper two incisors will then follow.
The last ones that sprout are the molars and, by the time they are two or three years old, they would have received their full set of 20 primary or milk teeth.

This teething period could be a trying time for the child and parents, especially the first-timers. Some children may go through their teething phase with little fuss, while others may experience pain, become irritable, refuse to eat and have problems sleeping.

When my child started teething, she began to drool a lot and liked to bite anything she could get her gums on, like her toys and our fingers!

Wipe your child’s mouth with a soft face towel to prevent the drool from causing rashes. Provide him/her with teething rings to play with and bite. The pressure on the gums when they bite will help alleviate the pain.

You can also feed your child some cold pureed food or yoghurt, and rub the gums gently with your clean fingers.

According to childcare books and articles, it is advisable not to prescribe any form of painkillers or oral numbing gel unless you have checked with your paediatrician first.

Some children may have loose stool, a mild fever or even diarrhoea when they are teething. These symptoms, however, may or may not be directly linked to teething. The jury is still out on this one.

In popular parenting website BabyCenter.com, paediatrician and author of The Baby Book William Sears said: "Teething can cause diarrhoea and a mild diaper rash because your baby’s excessive saliva ends up in his gut and loosens his stools. Inflammation in the gums may cause a low fever."

In the same website, paediatrician T. Berry Brazelton, said such symptoms are probably due to an infection unrelated to teething, but that the stress associated with teething could make your child more vulnerable to infection right before a new tooth appears.

It would be best to let your paediatrician take a look at your child if such symptoms persist and if your child’s temperature exceeds 38°C.

As far as caring for your child’s gums and teeth is concerned, just keep them clean by wiping them with a soft, wet cloth. Get a soft brush with which you can clean your child’s teeth with some water.

You can also use infant toothpaste that does not contain fluoride, making it safe for babies in the event they swallow it. Toothpaste with fluoride should only be used for older children who know how to spit. Use only a pea-sized amount of toothpaste.

If possible, establish a routine for the cleaning of your child’s teeth and gums. This will help the child develop good dental habits as he/she grows up. Include brushing and flossing in your bedtime routine.

Avoid giving milk or sugary liquids after cleaning. Bacteria that exist naturally in the mouth will react with the sugars, forming an acid that causes decay.

Control the TV remote

Monitor children’s television viewing by setting a timetable and filtering violent shows
theSun, Tue, 23 Feb 2010


We know that too much television take toddlers away from exploring, playing and interacting with their caregivers – activities which are important for their physical and social development.
School-age children will also lack exercise and have less time for reading, homework, playing with friends and interacting with others.

However, watching television is not entirely bad for children as long as there is a limit to the time spent watching and the type of shows they watch. In this day and age, it is hard to prevent our children from exposure to the television and other media such as computers and the Internet, unless you ban these items from your home.

Even if you go to such extremes, they are bound to find them at their friends’ homes, and at school, as television and computers are considered necessities these days. It is therefore important for parents to monitor the content and set viewing limits.

Here are some tips to help keep your child’s TV viewing in check:

» The TV is not a babysitter

More often than not, despite knowing the consequences, we conveniently use the television to occupy our children while we work on other things at home. The American Academy of Paediatrics (AAP) recommends that children under two years old do not watch any TV at all and that older ones watch no more than one to two hours a day of quality programmes.

» Check the content of the programmes

Preview them if possible. Young children can be easily influenced by what they watch and learn.

Certain so-called role model characters in shows may depict bad or risky behaviour such as smoking, drinking, use of foul language, and violence.

Also, educate your child on junk food and toy advertisements. Help them realise that the advertisers are merely trying to get people to buy their products and that no matter how appealing and convincing some of them sound, they are not as good as they seem.

Make sure your child does not watch scary or violent shows that may cause nightmares or emotional disturbances.

» No TV in your child’s bedroom

This prevents your child from being holed up in his room, and not participating in family activities. It also discourages him from studying, doing his homework or keeping to his bedtime schedule.

» No TV during mealtimes

Adults sometimes tend to eat and watch TV at the same time. We need to change this habit and set a good example to our children. (The same goes for reading the newspaper or a book during mealtimes.)

Mealtimes can be used as family time together to catch up on one another’s day, share stories, problems and ask questions.

» Watch TV together

Select family shows or educational programmes that teach good lessons and family values. TV viewing can be a ‘date’ you set with your family members as family time together. This allows you to keep the content viewed in check and provides opportunities to discuss what you are watching.

While these tips may sound easy to follow, the reality is that they can be rather challenging, just like any other issue on parenting.

You as parents need to keep reminding yourself that the rewards are worth the effort. The earlier you start, the easier it will be to shape our children’s TV viewing habits.

Goodbye to nightmares

theSun, Tue, 02 Feb 2010

I WOKE UP one night to find my child tugging my foot, ­asking if she could sleep with me. She had a nightmare about human-eating monsters.

Children around five to eight years of age often have nightmares.

According to WebMD, nightmares are most common in ­preschoolers because “this is the age at which normal fears develop and a child’s ­imagination is very active.

“Some studies estimate that as many as 50% of children aged three to six years have nightmares that disturb both their sleep and their parents’ sleep.”

Nightmares are different from night terrors.

Night terrors are ­characterised by frequent recurrent episodes of intense crying and fear when the child is asleep and ­usually, it is difficult to wake the child up.

The child remains asleep throughout, but seems agitated and difficult to calm down. Usually, the child will not ­remember the episode when he wakes up the next ­morning.

A nightmare is a bad dream that causes the child to wake up crying or feeling afraid and often, has difficulty going back to sleep.

Nightmares can be caused by stressful events such as moving to a new school, or even family problems. They can also be caused by a stressful situation during the day, lack of sleep, traumatic experiences or watching an upsetting scene on television.

Popular parenting website BabyCenter says that for a child working through her feelings about these ­stressful events, nightmares are a ­normal response, and you are not a bad parent if your child has them.

So what did I do when my child requested to sleep with me? Naturally, I didn’t give much thought to it, drowsy as I was. I welcomed her and we snuggled up until morning.

What do the experts ­recommend? Babycenter says to go to your child when she cries out. Reassure her with a backrub or hug.

And here’s the no-no: if you bring her into your bed to comfort her, be aware you could be creating a habit that’s hard to reverse.

So the next time my foot gets tugged at, I hope I will have the presence of mind to take my child back to her own bed.

Don’t pressure your child into giving you the details of the bad dream. Just remind and comfort him that it was only a bad dream.

Other ways to help your child tackle nightmares ­include coming up with a “happy ending” for their nightmare story the next day. This helps him take control of the scary situation.

Have a bedtime routine that is calming and quiet with some warm milk, a warm bath, and a nice story. If a bedtime prayer is part of the routine, there is no harm in asking for sweet dreams.

A few ideas I found ­interesting from Babycenter include letting the child rub a little skin lotion – call it “good dream cream” – on the tummy or forehead before turning in.

Or fill a spray bottle with vanilla-scented water. Let your child banish scary dreams by ­spraying a little of the “nightmare repellent” in the bedroom.

Then wrap it all up with loving words, a hug and a goodnight kiss.

Wrong made right

Children who learn from their mistakes will grow up into self-assured adults
theSun, Tues Jan 19 2010

EVERYONE makes mistakes – we adults know that for sure but not all children do. When a child makes a mistake or worse still,faces failure, we need to guide them through the experience in order for them to come out of it positively.

A child’s experience with a mistake or failure could lower his self esteem. The last thing you should do is react with disappointment, anger or impatience. Be calm when they make mistakes. Be calm when you make mistakes yourself, especially in their presence.

Teach them to have a more relaxed attitude and show them we can laugh at ourselves when we make mistakes. Find opportunities in day-to-day activities to encourage them to view mistakes as opportunities to learn something new.

Use creativity to turn the mistakes into acceptable outcomes if the situation allows it. If your child has failed at something major, such as a test or exam, help him to
cope with his feelings of low self-esteem, disappointment and sadness by showing him
your unconditional love. Assure him that you love him regardless of how he performs. Tell him that you value his efforts.

Other practical ways to minimise the negative impact of such situations is to find out your child’s learning style. Does your child learn best visually, kinestethically or audibly? Help him learn and work more effectively by using the style that suits him.

In learning math, for example, if he grasps the concepts better by using objects to count, provide him with suitable items to use. If he absorbs facts better by reading his textbook aloud, do not tell him to study quietly. Share stories of your own past failures and successes to show him that failure and success are part and parcel of life. Tell him what you had learnt from the experience and what you did to overcome the mistakes.

You could also tell him inspirational stories of famous people who overcame challenges and achieved success. When something goes wrong and your child is responsible for it, avoid putting the blame on him. Discuss what happened and encourage him to bring out the fi ghter in him to learn from the mistake, and not to give up too easily.

If your child has a fear of failure after a past experience, tell him that the only way to fail is to not try at all. Finally, be sure of what your definition of success is. Does it mean being the best in everything they do and scoring the highest
marks in every subject in school? If so, when they are not the best and when
you come down hard on them, will they be motivated to try again to be better, or to even dare to try anything new ever again?

While we all have dreams of our children being the best in everything they do, we have to be realistic of their abilities and talents. Think about what your child is capable of and set goals that are appropriate for his age, knowledge and skills. Actually, they do not have to be the best in everything; they just have to try their best.

Little helpers

Involving the children in household chores is good for them as well as for the parents
theSun, Tue, 05 Jan 2010

IF YOU are a homemaker, you will definitely have your hands full juggling all the household chores especially if you do not rely on hired help.

You have the laundry, tidying, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, errands, chauffeuring, child-minding, tutoring, gardening, and everything else in between.

If you have children who are old enough to handle some of the chores, it is about time you rope them in. Even your pre-schooler can help out as long as the chores are age-appropriate.

According to parenting author Elizabeth Pantley, by getting your children to help out with chores at home, you can build their feeling of competence and help them understand what is involved in running a household.

They can develop good habits, including discipline and good attitudes about work.

When assigning a chore, do not expect your child to complete it perfectly. You will only end up getting frustrated if you insist on perfection, making it a struggle.

If you insist on re-doing it yourself, your child may think that it wasn’t done well enough, making him feel unappreciated.

You do not have to wait for the chore to be completed before praising him. Praising him while he is doing the chore can encourage and help him feel good about his contribution.

Here are some chores your children can help you with:

» Laundry

Have separate baskets for white and coloured clothes so that you don’t need to spend time sorting before putting them into the washer. Buy crinkle-free clothes to reduce time and energy spent on ironing.

Get the children to join you in sorting and folding laundry. Sitting together to sort and fold laundry can be used as together time to chat and share thoughts and stories.

Children can also develop their motor skills, learn about colours and matching.


» Gardening

Simple chores like watering plants, weeding, and sweeping up leaves can be assigned to the children.

Doing gardening together such as planting, re-potting and fertilising can be turned into a lesson about plants and nature.

Dried leaves and flowers can be collected for art and craft activities later on too.


» Cleaning

Clean the house in stages, room by room within the course of the week if you have to do it yourself. Set aside a time during the weekend as house-cleaning time or what Malaysians refer to as gotong-royong.

Divide the duties among the children. The younger ones can tidy up their toys and books while the older ones can sweep, vacuum or mop.

Doing it together creates a feeling of teamwork and that no one is left out, making it fair.


» Grocery shopping

Keep a notepad around your kitchen so that you can jot down items as you find them running out. This prevents you from missing out any items and having to make an extra trip to the shop.

Bring your children along to help make the selections. By involving them in grocery shopping, they can learn about health and nutrition, math and money.

Upon returning home, they can be asked to help put them away in the pantry or appropriate storage places.