An only child must learn that the world does not revolve around him/her alone
theSun, Tue, 29 Sep 2009
My daughter is good at talking and seems to have answers for everything. Most times, she presents rather convincing arguments for her ideas and decisions and expects to get what she wants.
Could it be because she is an only child and is used to getting everyone’s full attention?
Children in single-child families usually have their parents all to themselves and they do not face any competition for attention. It is important, therefore, that parents draw the line from the beginning and set limits.
With positive parenting, the child can turn out to become a well-adjusted and sensible adult. Not everyone who is an only child is spoiled, domineering, and selfish, as most people tend to generalise.
As a parent of an only child, I need to be aware of the situations and experiences unique to her, and manage them well as she encounters it.
The only child receives full attention from his/her parents who can become over-protective and over-indulgent.
Encouraging the child to explore his/her own opinions and to learn from the outcome of the decisions helps to build self-confidence.
However, he/she must learn that expressing and thinking independently does not mean that he/she is right or will get what he/she wants all the time.
An only child grows up in a household of adults and has less interaction with peers compared to children with siblings. Children with siblings are naturally exposed to situations that teach them to compromise, give in and take turns.
Create avenues for your only child to develop his/her social interaction skills. Set up playdates with other children or spend time with families with more than one child. Get the child to join you or others in helping the community so that the focus will be away from him/her. Involve the child in team-based activities.
When such children see the situations and people around them, they will have less need for people to pay attention to them. They learn to realise that their wants may not be as important as what someone less fortunate needs. They see that they have to play by the team’s rules if they want to be part of the group.
Our expectations of our only child should be realistic. Allow these children to be themselves and provide them space to develop their personal interests. And when they show an interest in something, support and encourage them but remember not to be over-enthusiastic.
Carolyn White, author of The Seven Common Sins of Parenting an Only Child, writes: "Only-child parents are quick to think that if their bright child shows an interest in art, music, ballet or basket-weaving, it’s necessary to call in the big guns. They find their child the best piano teacher in the city or spend hours in museums.
"It’s not enough for their child to have interests and explore them in a casual way. Parents of only child must curb their enthusiasm for trying to make their child older than she/he is ….
"Remind yourself of your child’s chronological age, and try not to be flattered when other adults say, ‘Oh, Jerzey is only 10? He seems so much older.’ It’s not necessarily a compliment."
Provide an environment for your only child to grow up among his/her peers as much as possible so that he/she does not feel lonely.
When recalling their childhood, many only children said they did not miss having siblings simply because they were provided opportunities to develop friendships with other children in their neighbourhood, school, and extended family.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
The confidence factor
Inculcating self-esteem from young will make children feel more positive about themselves
theSun, Tue 08 Sep 2009
It is show-and-tell day at school. Little Jack is afraid to step forward to share with his classmates what he brought to school to show them.
"I can’t do it, I’m not good," he says.
At other times, Jack does not want to try new things. He frequently thinks he is not good at anything and speaks negatively of himself. He finds new challenges frustrating and gives up easily.
Nurturing self-esteem in a child, like in many other areas of parenting, requires conscious effort.
Self-esteem can be defined as the opinions and feelings we have of ourselves. How we perceive ourselves affects our attitudes, what we do, and how we feel and behave towards ourselves and others.
Children with good self-esteem tend to be more positive, and will take on new challenges without giving in to anxiety and failure.
When children fail at something, and are encouraged to try again and again until they succeed, they learn to develop positive ideas about their own capabilities.
When parents are around to encourage and guide them in forming these right feelings they have about themselves, children will grow to have higher self-esteem.
They will have positive ideas of their own abilities, and feel more accepted and loved.
In helping children build self-esteem, we must first of all remember that they are unique. Accept them by recognising that each has his/her own unique talents and help to nurture their different abilities.
We should never ever compare them with other children.
Choose your words carefully. If she is not made out to be the next Mozart, do not make her feel unworthy and useless by saying: "Look at Jill, she can play the piano so well, why can’t you?"
Or if she compares herself with Jill, help her see that she is good at other things and praise her for her efforts in playing the piano.
Reward her effort even if she did not win the coveted Pianist of the Year award.
Instead of labelling your child as a "naughty boy", separate the bad behaviour and deal with it without judging the child.
Tell him/her: "What you did to your friend was not good" instead of "You were so naughty".
Allow them to make some of the decisions on their own. This does not mean that you give them total freedom to do as they please.
By letting them decide on simple things, as long as their choices are not detrimental or extreme, our children will learn independence and be self-decisive.
Allowing them to make their own judgments and feel good about the outcome also help strengthen their self-worth.
In that way, they gain confidence and their self-esteem is raised.
As parents, we can provide them with a safe and loving environment. Be there for them, listen to them and build up the trust and respect between parent and child.
When children know that they are loved for who they are, they feel more secure.
Positive feelings about themselves will in the long run help them be confident with people, experiences and challenges they would come across in their lives in the future.
theSun, Tue 08 Sep 2009
It is show-and-tell day at school. Little Jack is afraid to step forward to share with his classmates what he brought to school to show them.
"I can’t do it, I’m not good," he says.
At other times, Jack does not want to try new things. He frequently thinks he is not good at anything and speaks negatively of himself. He finds new challenges frustrating and gives up easily.
Nurturing self-esteem in a child, like in many other areas of parenting, requires conscious effort.
Self-esteem can be defined as the opinions and feelings we have of ourselves. How we perceive ourselves affects our attitudes, what we do, and how we feel and behave towards ourselves and others.
Children with good self-esteem tend to be more positive, and will take on new challenges without giving in to anxiety and failure.
When children fail at something, and are encouraged to try again and again until they succeed, they learn to develop positive ideas about their own capabilities.
When parents are around to encourage and guide them in forming these right feelings they have about themselves, children will grow to have higher self-esteem.
They will have positive ideas of their own abilities, and feel more accepted and loved.
In helping children build self-esteem, we must first of all remember that they are unique. Accept them by recognising that each has his/her own unique talents and help to nurture their different abilities.
We should never ever compare them with other children.
Choose your words carefully. If she is not made out to be the next Mozart, do not make her feel unworthy and useless by saying: "Look at Jill, she can play the piano so well, why can’t you?"
Or if she compares herself with Jill, help her see that she is good at other things and praise her for her efforts in playing the piano.
Reward her effort even if she did not win the coveted Pianist of the Year award.
Instead of labelling your child as a "naughty boy", separate the bad behaviour and deal with it without judging the child.
Tell him/her: "What you did to your friend was not good" instead of "You were so naughty".
Allow them to make some of the decisions on their own. This does not mean that you give them total freedom to do as they please.
By letting them decide on simple things, as long as their choices are not detrimental or extreme, our children will learn independence and be self-decisive.
Allowing them to make their own judgments and feel good about the outcome also help strengthen their self-worth.
In that way, they gain confidence and their self-esteem is raised.
As parents, we can provide them with a safe and loving environment. Be there for them, listen to them and build up the trust and respect between parent and child.
When children know that they are loved for who they are, they feel more secure.
Positive feelings about themselves will in the long run help them be confident with people, experiences and challenges they would come across in their lives in the future.
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