Some parents are as nervous as – if not more than – their children when it comes to facing tests
theSun, Tue, 26 May 2009
THERE are indeed parents, yours truly included, who feel and act as if they are the ones taking exams instead of their children.
While it is good that parents remind their children to be well prepared, there is a need to be conscious of the line between encouraging and nagging; between sharing the importance of good grades and demanding they meet your high expectations.
Being a first-timer with my child’s school exam, I recently got into gear to prepare for the exams much earlier than my daughter.
It’s not surprising since I am the one with 17 or more years’ of examination experience while my seven-year-old only knows exams as “a test to see how much you remember and have learnt so far”.
As the days drew closer, Mama started harping about doing revision, getting extra workbooks for practice, giving tips on the do’s and don’ts when answering questions, and turning every conversation with the carefree daughter into mini revision sessions.
Was I subconsciously thinking that how well my child does in school is a reflection of my parenting skills?
Taking a step back for a personal check, I told myself that it is more important for a child to progress academically and morally in the long term than achieving short-term success in exams.
It is more valuable for them to learn from the consequences of their actions when they fail to heed your advice to read their textbooks instead of comics. It is also good that they know it is all right to make mistakes and that they can learn from them.
Young children need patience, encouragement and support from parents when preparing for exams.
They have shorter attention spans, so break their revision times into shorter periods to make it less daunting for both parent and child.
Never compare their performance with those of another classmate, as this would put undue pressure on them. Not all children develop at the same pace. Neither are their interests and talents alike.
While it is important to get good grades, especially when they are older and grades are significant for their future, perfect exam scores alone do not a successful young adult make.
And what, I need to ask, is my definition of “success”? What are the values, morals, general knowledge and life skills that I want my child to possess? What good is it to be a millionaire but go through life without compassion or humility? Can she be a rocket scientist yet possess conversational skills fit for the Queen of England or the regular Joe?
Children, even those as young as five or six I believe, do have some idea of how they should and want to go about things in their lives. When we let go and trust them, we may be surprised at how they come through.
Love them for who they are, and not for how many A’s they score. I may have dreams of my daughter winning the Nobel Prize but if she chooses to be a rock drummer (not that it is more inferior a vocation), that would be great too.
As for taking exams these few early years, I shall be mindful not to nag at her to revise, or to check that all her pencils have been sharpened.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
When kids fall in love
theSun, Tue, 12 May 2009
Learn to steer your children in the right direction when they tell you about their crushes on their classmates or romantic feelings for the opposite sex
WHEN my daughter was five, she said she ‘loved’ a boy, her classmate. When she grows up, she wants to marry him, she added. Now seven, her interest in boys has re-surfaced with her announcing that she has a crush, not on just one, but two boys!
When I was seven, I did not know that the word "crush" means having romantic feelings toward someone. And my girlfriends and I only got giggly over boys when we were in our teens.
Are children these days getting too far ahead of themselves when it comes to romance and the opposite sex? It is normal for teenagers with raging hormones to develop crushes and start dating but how should we react when our young children fall ‘in love’?
Before you start panicking, remind yourself that she probably picked up the concept of being ‘in love’ from things around her and from the media. After all, Snow White and Cinderella have their Prince Charming while the more contemporary Barbie tales also feature an implied love interest.
Children tend to adopt the adult language of being ‘in love’ when they are simply interested in someone due to certain character traits that they possess, or because they think they would enjoy spending time with them. They actually do not understand the real difference between liking and being ‘in love’.
Create an awareness that liking someone does not necessarily mean ‘love’ of the romantic kind. According to experts, at this age, crushes are not usually acted on as they are just role-playing, and like any other play scenarios, engaging in some simple fantasy.
However, with mini skirts and toy makeup attractively marketed through retail and the media to young children, and with technology making email, online chat and social networking sites available, parents need to be on the alert if they notice their children spending more time and attention on their interest in the opposite sex.
Dr Martha Erickson, a senior fellow and director of the Harris Programmes in the Centre for Early Childhood Education at the University of Minnesota, assures parents that there is no need to be overly concerned when children show interest in the opposite sex at a young age.
However, she adds: "Unfortunately, many of the images of romantic relationships that children see – whether in the media or among real-life adults and teenagers – can fuel some very unhealthy attitudes."
She advises parents to use the opportunity to make it a "teachable moment", guiding their children toward relationships based on genuine respect for self and others.
I had asked my daughter why she likes M, an 11-year-old family friend. Besides her preference for bespectacled boys, she told me it is because she had noticed that he also shares a similar interest.
This is one way of helping children discover what they really like in people. Ask them what they see in their crush, what he likes, what makes him so interesting, if he is kind, helpful or polite, for instance.
Do not shut them out by making dismissive or forbidding statements such as that they are still too young, or that they are strictly not allowed to go out with friends of the opposite sex.
Keeping the lines of communication open and getting them to discuss their daily activities and interests allow you to get a better grasp of their thoughts in order to guide them accordingly.
Learn to steer your children in the right direction when they tell you about their crushes on their classmates or romantic feelings for the opposite sex
WHEN my daughter was five, she said she ‘loved’ a boy, her classmate. When she grows up, she wants to marry him, she added. Now seven, her interest in boys has re-surfaced with her announcing that she has a crush, not on just one, but two boys!
When I was seven, I did not know that the word "crush" means having romantic feelings toward someone. And my girlfriends and I only got giggly over boys when we were in our teens.
Are children these days getting too far ahead of themselves when it comes to romance and the opposite sex? It is normal for teenagers with raging hormones to develop crushes and start dating but how should we react when our young children fall ‘in love’?
Before you start panicking, remind yourself that she probably picked up the concept of being ‘in love’ from things around her and from the media. After all, Snow White and Cinderella have their Prince Charming while the more contemporary Barbie tales also feature an implied love interest.
Children tend to adopt the adult language of being ‘in love’ when they are simply interested in someone due to certain character traits that they possess, or because they think they would enjoy spending time with them. They actually do not understand the real difference between liking and being ‘in love’.
Create an awareness that liking someone does not necessarily mean ‘love’ of the romantic kind. According to experts, at this age, crushes are not usually acted on as they are just role-playing, and like any other play scenarios, engaging in some simple fantasy.
However, with mini skirts and toy makeup attractively marketed through retail and the media to young children, and with technology making email, online chat and social networking sites available, parents need to be on the alert if they notice their children spending more time and attention on their interest in the opposite sex.
Dr Martha Erickson, a senior fellow and director of the Harris Programmes in the Centre for Early Childhood Education at the University of Minnesota, assures parents that there is no need to be overly concerned when children show interest in the opposite sex at a young age.
However, she adds: "Unfortunately, many of the images of romantic relationships that children see – whether in the media or among real-life adults and teenagers – can fuel some very unhealthy attitudes."
She advises parents to use the opportunity to make it a "teachable moment", guiding their children toward relationships based on genuine respect for self and others.
I had asked my daughter why she likes M, an 11-year-old family friend. Besides her preference for bespectacled boys, she told me it is because she had noticed that he also shares a similar interest.
This is one way of helping children discover what they really like in people. Ask them what they see in their crush, what he likes, what makes him so interesting, if he is kind, helpful or polite, for instance.
Do not shut them out by making dismissive or forbidding statements such as that they are still too young, or that they are strictly not allowed to go out with friends of the opposite sex.
Keeping the lines of communication open and getting them to discuss their daily activities and interests allow you to get a better grasp of their thoughts in order to guide them accordingly.
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