theSun, 26 Aug 2008
BY age three or four, most children will have somehow developed the smarts to avoid admitting their wrongdoing by telling lies or stories. They are afraid that if they tell the truth, we will be disappointed or angry, or they will be punished.
Usually young children fabricate stories because they have actually forgotten what they had done or because they want so much to please us that they really believe that they have done nothing wrong.
Once, my daughter’s teacher informed me that she and her friends were talking during her lesson. When the teacher brought it up with the children, my daughter insisted she had not talked. What should we do to encourage honesty among children and teach them about telling the truth?
It is important to have an environment where your child feels safe to tell the truth. Praise her when she does it. This helps, especially if she had lied before.
Children feel good when they know they have pleased you. Give them a smile or cuddle and say: "Thank you for telling me the truth. I like it when you do that."
Children may lie due to other concerns or fears. Find out why they lied and address the underlying concern. If your child copied the answers for her homework, prompt her to tell you why she did it. You can then discuss with her why it is important to work out the answers on her own.
If your child jumps the ice cream queue and denies doing it, don’t call her a liar. Labelling her as one will make her defensive. It would be harder then for her to listen to you. You could say: "I understand that you like ice cream very much and want to get it as soon as possible." The child will then be more open to listen and learn that she must wait for her turn when she knows you are not out to get her.
To teach our children honesty, we must be honest ourselves. Children learn from example. If they hear you calling in sick when you are actually fine, they will think it is all right that they do the same when they want to avoid school.
Above all, create a loving environment to help the child feel assured that even if she has done something wrong, she will still be loved. Separate the wrongdoing from the lie. Help her understand that everyone makes mistakes now and then but this does not mean that the person can lie about it. Try to convey the message that you expect her to tell the truth.
Help her to understand the consequences of lying. When we find out that our child has lied, we would naturally feel disappointed or angry.
While it is easier said than done, try to keep your cool and not use punishment to scare her into telling the truth. Neither should you tell her that she will rewarded or not be punished if she tells the truth. Instead, help her see that when she lies, someone else will be blamed and in future, others will not want to trust her.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Making the right choices
theSun, 12 Aug 2008
I HAD a casual chat with the father of my daughter’s classmate one day and learned that like most families, both he and his wife work and leave their children in the care of maids.
They hired two – one to care for the children and the other for housekeeping. One parent sends them to school in the morning and a hired driver fetches them home.
Due to the many horror stories about foreign maids abusing children, they had equipped their house with cameras to monitor the home while they are at work.
This scenario is very common in Malaysian homes. Gone are the days when the father is the sole breadwinner while the mother stays home to tend to the family’s needs.
Children’s needs then were far more basic. They went to school, came home, and did their homework. They played with the neighbours’ children with hardly any threat of being kidnapped, raped or murdered. At least, that was the childhood I remember having.
Children these days, especially those living in the city, have their schedules packed to the brim with tuition classes for every subject, extra-curricular activities and enrichment classes like languages, music, mental arithmetic, tennis, golf, gymnastics, art, dance, yoga – and the list goes on.
These classes are good for their overall development provided they are interested in them and if it is required to help them keep up with lessons. But how much is enough for a child to grow without being too stressed?
With all these activities going on in the life of the modern-day child, who would be responsible for ensuring that he gets where he needs to go safely, and that he is properly guided at home where revision of lessons is concerned?
Both parents are at work literally from dawn to dusk and probably have just enough time to have dinner with them and kiss them goodnight. Some families have grandparents who are able to help out but not everyone is that fortunate. They have no choice but to leave their children in the care of strangers like maids, drivers, and day-care minders.
My daughter has been blessed the past few years with having me at her disposal 24/7, so to speak. I am around to care for her at home and drive her to and from school and all her extra-curricular enrichment activities.
It was a matter of what is more important to us when we considered giving up a dual-income lifestyle. This is a crossroad all couples face once they have children.
One option, which is becoming more popular, is for one parent, or even both, to work from home, by owning a business, freelancing, offering niche services or taking on flexible or part-time jobs.
Whatever the choice, there will be sacrifices to be made and rewards to be reaped. It is a matter of knowing what suits your family best and what makes all of you happiest. After all, we only have one lifetime and we must make the most of it.
I HAD a casual chat with the father of my daughter’s classmate one day and learned that like most families, both he and his wife work and leave their children in the care of maids.
They hired two – one to care for the children and the other for housekeeping. One parent sends them to school in the morning and a hired driver fetches them home.
Due to the many horror stories about foreign maids abusing children, they had equipped their house with cameras to monitor the home while they are at work.
This scenario is very common in Malaysian homes. Gone are the days when the father is the sole breadwinner while the mother stays home to tend to the family’s needs.
Children’s needs then were far more basic. They went to school, came home, and did their homework. They played with the neighbours’ children with hardly any threat of being kidnapped, raped or murdered. At least, that was the childhood I remember having.
Children these days, especially those living in the city, have their schedules packed to the brim with tuition classes for every subject, extra-curricular activities and enrichment classes like languages, music, mental arithmetic, tennis, golf, gymnastics, art, dance, yoga – and the list goes on.
These classes are good for their overall development provided they are interested in them and if it is required to help them keep up with lessons. But how much is enough for a child to grow without being too stressed?
With all these activities going on in the life of the modern-day child, who would be responsible for ensuring that he gets where he needs to go safely, and that he is properly guided at home where revision of lessons is concerned?
Both parents are at work literally from dawn to dusk and probably have just enough time to have dinner with them and kiss them goodnight. Some families have grandparents who are able to help out but not everyone is that fortunate. They have no choice but to leave their children in the care of strangers like maids, drivers, and day-care minders.
My daughter has been blessed the past few years with having me at her disposal 24/7, so to speak. I am around to care for her at home and drive her to and from school and all her extra-curricular enrichment activities.
It was a matter of what is more important to us when we considered giving up a dual-income lifestyle. This is a crossroad all couples face once they have children.
One option, which is becoming more popular, is for one parent, or even both, to work from home, by owning a business, freelancing, offering niche services or taking on flexible or part-time jobs.
Whatever the choice, there will be sacrifices to be made and rewards to be reaped. It is a matter of knowing what suits your family best and what makes all of you happiest. After all, we only have one lifetime and we must make the most of it.
Putting in the fun
theSun, 29 July 2008
Children pick up the basics of personal hygiene faster if they learn them as a game rather than a chore
MY daughter knows the basics of personal hygiene but needs to be reminded sometimes. Once, in a hurry to go somewhere, I realised upon entering the car that she had not cleaned her mouth after eating and exclaimed such.
Very glibly, she replied: "Never mind, I’ll just lick it." While feeling equally exasperated and amused at her innocent creativity, I reminded her how mouths are to be cleaned.
I recall making a conscious effort to teach her about personal hygiene but somehow, she seems to enjoy amusing and frustrating me occasionally with her ‘personal’ hygiene practices.
Children learn by mimicking others, by example and repetition.
Does this mean my hand washing, showering, and teeth brushing, for instance, have not been visible enough to her? Or did she pick up some of the wrong habits from her friends at school?
We need to constantly expose our children to proper hygiene practices so that they, too, would do the same. It is important to start them young to allow them to learn earlier how to do it on their own without our prompting.
In my case, I believe I started my daughter young enough as she has understood its importance. While she knows how to do it on her own without prompting, it has yet to become a habit that does not need reminding.
Children are more apt to learn if fun is involved. Some parents get their children to sing a song that is 20 seconds long while washing hands. This is a fun way to help them remember to wash for that long to ensure they are clean.
My daughter used to dislike having her hair shampooed, so we used the foam to mould it into various funny shapes, spikes or horns, and let her see it in the mirror. It became a fun activity as she enjoyed laughing at herself. Till today, she still asks me to do it sometimes.
Having fun with the process shows them that personal hygiene does not have to be a chore. It can be something to look forward to which will eventually become an easy ritual.
I have discovered through experience that encouragement, praise and reward also work. To get my daughter to enjoy brushing teeth, we got her toothbrushes with her favourite cartoon characters and toothpaste in flavours that she likes.
We sometimes brush our teeth together, counting the strokes as we go along and making funny noises as we rinse. Once we also put up a tooth-brushing chart for her to colour a picture of a tooth after she has brushed.
At the end of the week, she is rewarded with stickers or a balloon if all the teeth on the chart are coloured.
Besides making it fun, we can give them the opportunity to feel responsible. Children like to feel important, as if they are all grown-up and independent.
Allow them to do things themselves like shower or brush teeth, even if it means doing it for them again afterwards. Praise them after they have done it.
Soon, they will become familiar with what needs to be done, learn the correct way of doing it, and like what I’m hoping for my daughter, remember to do it all the time.
Children pick up the basics of personal hygiene faster if they learn them as a game rather than a chore
MY daughter knows the basics of personal hygiene but needs to be reminded sometimes. Once, in a hurry to go somewhere, I realised upon entering the car that she had not cleaned her mouth after eating and exclaimed such.
Very glibly, she replied: "Never mind, I’ll just lick it." While feeling equally exasperated and amused at her innocent creativity, I reminded her how mouths are to be cleaned.
I recall making a conscious effort to teach her about personal hygiene but somehow, she seems to enjoy amusing and frustrating me occasionally with her ‘personal’ hygiene practices.
Children learn by mimicking others, by example and repetition.
Does this mean my hand washing, showering, and teeth brushing, for instance, have not been visible enough to her? Or did she pick up some of the wrong habits from her friends at school?
We need to constantly expose our children to proper hygiene practices so that they, too, would do the same. It is important to start them young to allow them to learn earlier how to do it on their own without our prompting.
In my case, I believe I started my daughter young enough as she has understood its importance. While she knows how to do it on her own without prompting, it has yet to become a habit that does not need reminding.
Children are more apt to learn if fun is involved. Some parents get their children to sing a song that is 20 seconds long while washing hands. This is a fun way to help them remember to wash for that long to ensure they are clean.
My daughter used to dislike having her hair shampooed, so we used the foam to mould it into various funny shapes, spikes or horns, and let her see it in the mirror. It became a fun activity as she enjoyed laughing at herself. Till today, she still asks me to do it sometimes.
Having fun with the process shows them that personal hygiene does not have to be a chore. It can be something to look forward to which will eventually become an easy ritual.
I have discovered through experience that encouragement, praise and reward also work. To get my daughter to enjoy brushing teeth, we got her toothbrushes with her favourite cartoon characters and toothpaste in flavours that she likes.
We sometimes brush our teeth together, counting the strokes as we go along and making funny noises as we rinse. Once we also put up a tooth-brushing chart for her to colour a picture of a tooth after she has brushed.
At the end of the week, she is rewarded with stickers or a balloon if all the teeth on the chart are coloured.
Besides making it fun, we can give them the opportunity to feel responsible. Children like to feel important, as if they are all grown-up and independent.
Allow them to do things themselves like shower or brush teeth, even if it means doing it for them again afterwards. Praise them after they have done it.
Soon, they will become familiar with what needs to be done, learn the correct way of doing it, and like what I’m hoping for my daughter, remember to do it all the time.
Curbs on the surf
theSun, Tues, 15 July 2008
Surfing on the Net for children, like playing in any open field, requires parental supervision
COMPUTER knowledge is a necessity these days. Children as young as three or four years old are being taught the basics in pre-school.
There is much to be gained by children from knowing how to use the computer and Internet. The Net provides unlimited resources to information and communication, and diverse learning experiences such as problem-solving, information-gathering, analyses and communication skills.
For example, children can get help with schoolwork by using online encyclopaedias. They can learn how to read and practise math problems from websites offering such resources. They can also visit online museums, art galleries, read e-books, create scrapbooks, write their own stories, and get ideas for art and craft projects.
Parents must, however, bear in mind that computers and the Internet are merely tools that help their children and can only be effective if used well.
Therefore, strong parental guidance and adequate supervision are required to ensure that children benefit positively from this medium of learning.
But bear in mind that children still need personal attention from teachers and parents. They learn best when their interests and achievements are encouraged and acknowledged.
Being glued to the computer does not make a child brilliant. He needs to balance it with outdoor activities, and interaction with friends and family to become an all-rounded person.
As computer literacy skills are increasingly expected of the present and future generations, more parents are allowing children reasonable freedom in using the computer and Internet.
This can pose a hazard for families when it goes unchecked. Some chatrooms, newsgroups, and websites have violent, disturbing, pornographic, and other inappropriate material for children.
Children may stumble upon such sites when doing a search using search engines that seldom filter these out. When older children tread into chatrooms, they could inadvertently give out personal information that could put them at risk when they meet odd characters and dangerous people.
There are many software programs available to control access to the computer and all of its functions such as the Internet, programs, games, etc. Some online services and Internet service providers allow parents to limit their children’s access to certain services and features.
Other ways to filter and control what children can access online include spam filters and rating systems. Internet browsers can be set to only allow children to visit sites that are rated at the level that the parents specify. Using such software or services enables you to leave your children on their own in the knowledge that they are using the computer safely.
But in the end, what’s best is still parental involvement. Be in touch with what your children are doing online … and offline as well!
Surfing on the Net for children, like playing in any open field, requires parental supervision
COMPUTER knowledge is a necessity these days. Children as young as three or four years old are being taught the basics in pre-school.
There is much to be gained by children from knowing how to use the computer and Internet. The Net provides unlimited resources to information and communication, and diverse learning experiences such as problem-solving, information-gathering, analyses and communication skills.
For example, children can get help with schoolwork by using online encyclopaedias. They can learn how to read and practise math problems from websites offering such resources. They can also visit online museums, art galleries, read e-books, create scrapbooks, write their own stories, and get ideas for art and craft projects.
Parents must, however, bear in mind that computers and the Internet are merely tools that help their children and can only be effective if used well.
Therefore, strong parental guidance and adequate supervision are required to ensure that children benefit positively from this medium of learning.
But bear in mind that children still need personal attention from teachers and parents. They learn best when their interests and achievements are encouraged and acknowledged.
Being glued to the computer does not make a child brilliant. He needs to balance it with outdoor activities, and interaction with friends and family to become an all-rounded person.
As computer literacy skills are increasingly expected of the present and future generations, more parents are allowing children reasonable freedom in using the computer and Internet.
This can pose a hazard for families when it goes unchecked. Some chatrooms, newsgroups, and websites have violent, disturbing, pornographic, and other inappropriate material for children.
Children may stumble upon such sites when doing a search using search engines that seldom filter these out. When older children tread into chatrooms, they could inadvertently give out personal information that could put them at risk when they meet odd characters and dangerous people.
There are many software programs available to control access to the computer and all of its functions such as the Internet, programs, games, etc. Some online services and Internet service providers allow parents to limit their children’s access to certain services and features.
Other ways to filter and control what children can access online include spam filters and rating systems. Internet browsers can be set to only allow children to visit sites that are rated at the level that the parents specify. Using such software or services enables you to leave your children on their own in the knowledge that they are using the computer safely.
But in the end, what’s best is still parental involvement. Be in touch with what your children are doing online … and offline as well!
Green menu for kids
theSun, Tues, 01 Jul 2008
Parents must come up with creative ways to encourage children to eat their veggies and develop a love for them
Most children love sweet and colourful foods, and very often, these are not the healthiest because they tend to contain too much sugar, salt, fat, artificial flavours, additives and dyes.
Fresh produce cooked at home is the best option for a healthy, balanced diet for the entire family. Children’s palates are, however, difficult to please and vegetables are usually the most unpopular item on their menu.
When my child started eating semi-solid food, vegetables were not a problem because they were all mashed, pureed, and sometimes flavoured with milk.
But when she grew older and started taking adult food, the problem began. She had developed an ability to detect even the smallest bit of chopped vegetable in the spoonful I fed her. Very quickly, the vegetable appeared at the tip of her tongue, ready to be spat out.
How do we teach children to enjoy eating vegetables? I discovered from my struggles with my daughter that forcing does not work. Neither does hiding the chopped veggies with other food in a spoonful, especially when the textures differ and the greens are still visible.
Hiding only works with her when they are finely chopped and mixed into gravies, pasta sauces, omelets or meatballs. I would do that sometimes to ensure that my daughter still gets the nutritional value of vegetables.
There is, however, a school of thought that children must not be ‘cheated’ into eating vegetables by sneaking them into the meal, as it does not effectively teach them the importance of eating healthy food like vegetables.
If your child prefers vegetables raw, I would suggest that you don’t bother cooking them. Give them carrot and celery sticks, with some mayonnaise, salad dips or even tomato sauce if that’s what they love, instead of cookies during snack time. I found this worked with my daughter and sometimes, she had even asked me for raw carrots on her own.
We also need to remind ourselves children’s tastebuds change as they grow older. It does not mean that if they disliked broccoli at age four that they would not eat it at seven. My daughter ate only carrots and celery when she was four but now she eats cauliflower, broccoli stems, corn and beans.
We simply need to be consistent in making vegetables a part of their meal and continue to let them try different types of vegetables.
It is said that if we let our children help us cook, they are more likely to eat what they have cooked. That could work with vegetables too. Let them choose a vegetable dish they think they would like to cook and let them help you cook it.
And if you have a garden or planter boxes, a longer-term project to help children take to greens could involve starting a vegetable plot together.
Allow them to choose the seeds they would like to grow and ensure that they invest some time every day tending to the plants. This will encourage them to eat their harvest, and later, develop an interest in gardening and planting their own vegetables.
Parents must come up with creative ways to encourage children to eat their veggies and develop a love for them
Most children love sweet and colourful foods, and very often, these are not the healthiest because they tend to contain too much sugar, salt, fat, artificial flavours, additives and dyes.
Fresh produce cooked at home is the best option for a healthy, balanced diet for the entire family. Children’s palates are, however, difficult to please and vegetables are usually the most unpopular item on their menu.
When my child started eating semi-solid food, vegetables were not a problem because they were all mashed, pureed, and sometimes flavoured with milk.
But when she grew older and started taking adult food, the problem began. She had developed an ability to detect even the smallest bit of chopped vegetable in the spoonful I fed her. Very quickly, the vegetable appeared at the tip of her tongue, ready to be spat out.
How do we teach children to enjoy eating vegetables? I discovered from my struggles with my daughter that forcing does not work. Neither does hiding the chopped veggies with other food in a spoonful, especially when the textures differ and the greens are still visible.
Hiding only works with her when they are finely chopped and mixed into gravies, pasta sauces, omelets or meatballs. I would do that sometimes to ensure that my daughter still gets the nutritional value of vegetables.
There is, however, a school of thought that children must not be ‘cheated’ into eating vegetables by sneaking them into the meal, as it does not effectively teach them the importance of eating healthy food like vegetables.
If your child prefers vegetables raw, I would suggest that you don’t bother cooking them. Give them carrot and celery sticks, with some mayonnaise, salad dips or even tomato sauce if that’s what they love, instead of cookies during snack time. I found this worked with my daughter and sometimes, she had even asked me for raw carrots on her own.
We also need to remind ourselves children’s tastebuds change as they grow older. It does not mean that if they disliked broccoli at age four that they would not eat it at seven. My daughter ate only carrots and celery when she was four but now she eats cauliflower, broccoli stems, corn and beans.
We simply need to be consistent in making vegetables a part of their meal and continue to let them try different types of vegetables.
It is said that if we let our children help us cook, they are more likely to eat what they have cooked. That could work with vegetables too. Let them choose a vegetable dish they think they would like to cook and let them help you cook it.
And if you have a garden or planter boxes, a longer-term project to help children take to greens could involve starting a vegetable plot together.
Allow them to choose the seeds they would like to grow and ensure that they invest some time every day tending to the plants. This will encourage them to eat their harvest, and later, develop an interest in gardening and planting their own vegetables.
Off the idiot box
theSun, 17 June 2008
Parents must ensure their children learn the good, not the bad, from watching television
HOW many times have you told your child to switch off the television, only for the child to beg for one last show? And if you give in, the conversation will likely repeat later and end in another tug-of-war.
Children under two years old should not be given any ‘screen time’ at all. "Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime," says a Chinese proverb. The same goes for children and television, I have discovered. Teach a child to watch TV and she will watch for a lifetime ....
We cannot deny that it is quite difficult to live without TV at home in this century. Some homes even have one in each room! The TV has become more than just a medium for information and entertainment. It is also a medium for education and communication – not all that bad actually.
My daughter learnt about healthy foods, animals, children’s songs and stories from the TV. I, too, learnt some things I had forgotten when I watched those programmes with her!
In moderation, watching TV can be a good thing. According to KidsHealth, a leading website providing doctor-approved health information about children, "TV can be an excellent educator and entertainer", adding that preschoolers can get help learning the alphabet, while "grade schoolers can learn about wildlife on nature shows, and parents can keep up with current events on the evening news".
Television only becomes bad when we do not monitor or guide our children. Some programmes are not appropriate and could influence or teach the wrong things such as bad language, violence, and negative values.
Television viewing is a sedentary activity thus reducing a child’s involvement in healthy activities like exercise, outdoor games and sports. Research has attributed the increasing number of obese children to several unhealthy lifestyle habits including TV viewing.
According to guidelines by the American Academy of Paediatrics (AAP), children under two years old should have no "screen time" (TV, DVDs or videotapes, computers, or video games) at all.
A child’s first two years is a critical time for brain development and TV can hinder learning, exploration, interaction and playing with parents and others. These are important for their cognitive, physical, social and emotional development.
This actually sounds restricting to me (I have to admit my daughter learnt her alphabet before age two through VCDs) but the no-screen-time is indeed good advice.
Active Healthy Kids Canada, an advocacy group that promotes the importance of physical activity in children, recommends parents keep children away from television and video games when they can, and encourage free play time.
Exercise that is centred on video games that involve physical activity should also be avoided.
Some ideas I have read about include keeping the TV out of your child’s bedroom and making a house rule that the TV must be turned off during meals.
Don’t allow your child to watch TV while doing homework and set a good example by limiting your own television viewing.
These may be easier said than done but we should work on them. Watch TV with your child and talk to him about what he sees, and share your own opinions and values about it.
Encourage your child to think and discuss what you have watched together. Make watching TV a fun, educational and meaningful family activity.
Parents must ensure their children learn the good, not the bad, from watching television
HOW many times have you told your child to switch off the television, only for the child to beg for one last show? And if you give in, the conversation will likely repeat later and end in another tug-of-war.
Children under two years old should not be given any ‘screen time’ at all. "Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime," says a Chinese proverb. The same goes for children and television, I have discovered. Teach a child to watch TV and she will watch for a lifetime ....
We cannot deny that it is quite difficult to live without TV at home in this century. Some homes even have one in each room! The TV has become more than just a medium for information and entertainment. It is also a medium for education and communication – not all that bad actually.
My daughter learnt about healthy foods, animals, children’s songs and stories from the TV. I, too, learnt some things I had forgotten when I watched those programmes with her!
In moderation, watching TV can be a good thing. According to KidsHealth, a leading website providing doctor-approved health information about children, "TV can be an excellent educator and entertainer", adding that preschoolers can get help learning the alphabet, while "grade schoolers can learn about wildlife on nature shows, and parents can keep up with current events on the evening news".
Television only becomes bad when we do not monitor or guide our children. Some programmes are not appropriate and could influence or teach the wrong things such as bad language, violence, and negative values.
Television viewing is a sedentary activity thus reducing a child’s involvement in healthy activities like exercise, outdoor games and sports. Research has attributed the increasing number of obese children to several unhealthy lifestyle habits including TV viewing.
According to guidelines by the American Academy of Paediatrics (AAP), children under two years old should have no "screen time" (TV, DVDs or videotapes, computers, or video games) at all.
A child’s first two years is a critical time for brain development and TV can hinder learning, exploration, interaction and playing with parents and others. These are important for their cognitive, physical, social and emotional development.
This actually sounds restricting to me (I have to admit my daughter learnt her alphabet before age two through VCDs) but the no-screen-time is indeed good advice.
Active Healthy Kids Canada, an advocacy group that promotes the importance of physical activity in children, recommends parents keep children away from television and video games when they can, and encourage free play time.
Exercise that is centred on video games that involve physical activity should also be avoided.
Some ideas I have read about include keeping the TV out of your child’s bedroom and making a house rule that the TV must be turned off during meals.
Don’t allow your child to watch TV while doing homework and set a good example by limiting your own television viewing.
These may be easier said than done but we should work on them. Watch TV with your child and talk to him about what he sees, and share your own opinions and values about it.
Encourage your child to think and discuss what you have watched together. Make watching TV a fun, educational and meaningful family activity.
Nurturing, a full-time job
theSun, Tues, 3 June 2008
Raising a child is a full-time responsibility which every parent must consider before making the commitment to have one
A casual comment from an acquaintance about a mother’s workload being proportionate to the number of children she has prompted me to ponder one day. Nurturing children is a fulltime job, regardless of whether you have another fulltime job as an employee or businesswoman.
While I agree to a certain extent that the more children you have, the busier you will be, I believe that it all boils down to the decision of how much sweat and tears a mum chooses to pour out to nurture her children. Does she choose to work full-time or part time?
To make a simple comparison, assume there are two mothers who are housewives without maids. One could have five children and not even care to cook for them, attend to their studies, or teach them good values, thus being free to indulge in her own fancies. Meanwhile, the other who has only two children, toils all day to ensure her children are clean, properly fed, keep up with their school work and grow up to be exemplary teenagers and adults.
The work of nurturing children is tremendously consuming if one chooses to act responsibly.
A mother can wear as many hats as she chooses to. And if one chooses to really be a mother, then her hands will always be busy. Every phase of development of a child requires a mother to use different skills and knowledge.
Be it one child or six, mothering is a full-time job. It is the area of focus that could differ. For example, older children require less attention for basic needs like bathing or feeding but need to be taught responsibility, while younger ones need to be put to bed, assisted in the toilet, and taught to say “please” and “thank you”.
There are, however, mothers in our midst who definitely would be more burdened the more children they have – mothers with special-needs children, mothers with physical disabilities, and single mothers for instance. These are mothers I take my hat off to.
An article I read titled The Sacred Responsibility of Mothers by Forever Families says: “Scholars define mothering in many ways, but most include the idea that nurturing children is the central task. Nurturing includes meeting children’s physical demands, such as food, clothing, and protection. And it includes loving, cherishing, educating, and training them.
“One of the most important objectives of all this work is to raise children to become upstanding, responsible members of their community.”
It also went on to tell of an article in the Wall Street Journal that described the multi-dimensional role of a mother as “the most creative job in the world” requiring knowledge in many areas, including “taste, fashion, decorating, recreation, education, transportation, psychology, romance, cuisine, designing, literature, medicine, handicraft, art, horticulture, economics, government, community relations, paediatrics, geriatrics, entertainment, maintenance, purchasing, direct mail, law, accounting, religion, energy and management”.
That is indeed a long list. So in my mind, if you are a mother, be it to one child or six, you have a fulltime job of nurturing.
Raising a child is a full-time responsibility which every parent must consider before making the commitment to have one
A casual comment from an acquaintance about a mother’s workload being proportionate to the number of children she has prompted me to ponder one day. Nurturing children is a fulltime job, regardless of whether you have another fulltime job as an employee or businesswoman.
While I agree to a certain extent that the more children you have, the busier you will be, I believe that it all boils down to the decision of how much sweat and tears a mum chooses to pour out to nurture her children. Does she choose to work full-time or part time?
To make a simple comparison, assume there are two mothers who are housewives without maids. One could have five children and not even care to cook for them, attend to their studies, or teach them good values, thus being free to indulge in her own fancies. Meanwhile, the other who has only two children, toils all day to ensure her children are clean, properly fed, keep up with their school work and grow up to be exemplary teenagers and adults.
The work of nurturing children is tremendously consuming if one chooses to act responsibly.
A mother can wear as many hats as she chooses to. And if one chooses to really be a mother, then her hands will always be busy. Every phase of development of a child requires a mother to use different skills and knowledge.
Be it one child or six, mothering is a full-time job. It is the area of focus that could differ. For example, older children require less attention for basic needs like bathing or feeding but need to be taught responsibility, while younger ones need to be put to bed, assisted in the toilet, and taught to say “please” and “thank you”.
There are, however, mothers in our midst who definitely would be more burdened the more children they have – mothers with special-needs children, mothers with physical disabilities, and single mothers for instance. These are mothers I take my hat off to.
An article I read titled The Sacred Responsibility of Mothers by Forever Families says: “Scholars define mothering in many ways, but most include the idea that nurturing children is the central task. Nurturing includes meeting children’s physical demands, such as food, clothing, and protection. And it includes loving, cherishing, educating, and training them.
“One of the most important objectives of all this work is to raise children to become upstanding, responsible members of their community.”
It also went on to tell of an article in the Wall Street Journal that described the multi-dimensional role of a mother as “the most creative job in the world” requiring knowledge in many areas, including “taste, fashion, decorating, recreation, education, transportation, psychology, romance, cuisine, designing, literature, medicine, handicraft, art, horticulture, economics, government, community relations, paediatrics, geriatrics, entertainment, maintenance, purchasing, direct mail, law, accounting, religion, energy and management”.
That is indeed a long list. So in my mind, if you are a mother, be it to one child or six, you have a fulltime job of nurturing.
Animals, our friend
theSun, 20 May 2008
Letting your child keep a pet can be a pain but many times the pros outweigh the cons
MOST children love animals. From the time they start recognising things, we tend to point out to them animals we often see like the lizard on the wall, a stray cat or dog on the road, chickens, birds, and fish.
As parents, we feel good that our children take an interest in nature and are curious about the animal world. On the other hand, when they start asking to keep a pet, that’s when our nightmare begins!
I’ve done time (and still am) in ‘assisting’ my little pet owner in caring for her pets, simply because she is still too young to carry out some of the responsibilities involved in pet rearing.
So far, we have had fish and terrapins and they have been manageable.
My little pet owner normally starts with great interest in ensuring they are fed, sometimes too well-fed in fact!
As for keeping them clean, she would alert us that the tank needs a change of water and happily assists in removing its inhabitants to a temporary container.
A few months down the road, she starts to forget to feed them, and neglect sets in while she moves on to other interests.
Lately, she has developed a keen interest in dogs and has been hounding us to get one. Now, a dog takes pet-keeping to a whole new level as it is more demanding of care and attention.
As we currently live in a condominium, we have managed to help her understand that a dog is not possible for now. We have also pointed out repeatedly the responsibility one must take when committing to a pet.
It was an opportunity for us to teach her the meaning of responsibility, commitment and caring for others, be it animals or people. According to ParentGuide.com, parental involvement, open discussion, and planning are usually necessary to help make pet ownership a positive experience for everyone.
It says that "a child who learns to care for an animal, and treat it kindly and patiently, gets invaluable training in learning to treat people the same way. Careless treatment of animals is unhealthy for both the pet and the child involved".
The choice of a pet is also important. We need to make sure that the animal is suitable for the family, home and lifestyle. If you have young children or babies especially, be sure that the pet is child-friendly, not aggressive, and easy to manage in terms of hygiene.
For example, if your child, like mine, has allergies, you would then need to ensure that the pet you get would not affect her condition. And if you are pregnant, be careful if you keep cats. Handle their litter with care as cats’ faeces could carry a parasite that causes toxoplasmosis. This infection is not serious for you but could be dangerous for your developing baby.
Keeping pets is a healthy and educational activity and a great experience for both children and parents. Children’s social skills can be developed as they gain self-esteem and self-confidence, and develop compassion, trust and empathy. Their hands-on experience with nature will teach them responsibilities towards other creatures.
At the same time, they will learn about life cycles, reproduction, and animal health. And when a pet they love is lost or dies, it is an experience and lesson about loss, death and bereavement.
Letting your child keep a pet can be a pain but many times the pros outweigh the cons
MOST children love animals. From the time they start recognising things, we tend to point out to them animals we often see like the lizard on the wall, a stray cat or dog on the road, chickens, birds, and fish.
As parents, we feel good that our children take an interest in nature and are curious about the animal world. On the other hand, when they start asking to keep a pet, that’s when our nightmare begins!
I’ve done time (and still am) in ‘assisting’ my little pet owner in caring for her pets, simply because she is still too young to carry out some of the responsibilities involved in pet rearing.
So far, we have had fish and terrapins and they have been manageable.
My little pet owner normally starts with great interest in ensuring they are fed, sometimes too well-fed in fact!
As for keeping them clean, she would alert us that the tank needs a change of water and happily assists in removing its inhabitants to a temporary container.
A few months down the road, she starts to forget to feed them, and neglect sets in while she moves on to other interests.
Lately, she has developed a keen interest in dogs and has been hounding us to get one. Now, a dog takes pet-keeping to a whole new level as it is more demanding of care and attention.
As we currently live in a condominium, we have managed to help her understand that a dog is not possible for now. We have also pointed out repeatedly the responsibility one must take when committing to a pet.
It was an opportunity for us to teach her the meaning of responsibility, commitment and caring for others, be it animals or people. According to ParentGuide.com, parental involvement, open discussion, and planning are usually necessary to help make pet ownership a positive experience for everyone.
It says that "a child who learns to care for an animal, and treat it kindly and patiently, gets invaluable training in learning to treat people the same way. Careless treatment of animals is unhealthy for both the pet and the child involved".
The choice of a pet is also important. We need to make sure that the animal is suitable for the family, home and lifestyle. If you have young children or babies especially, be sure that the pet is child-friendly, not aggressive, and easy to manage in terms of hygiene.
For example, if your child, like mine, has allergies, you would then need to ensure that the pet you get would not affect her condition. And if you are pregnant, be careful if you keep cats. Handle their litter with care as cats’ faeces could carry a parasite that causes toxoplasmosis. This infection is not serious for you but could be dangerous for your developing baby.
Keeping pets is a healthy and educational activity and a great experience for both children and parents. Children’s social skills can be developed as they gain self-esteem and self-confidence, and develop compassion, trust and empathy. Their hands-on experience with nature will teach them responsibilities towards other creatures.
At the same time, they will learn about life cycles, reproduction, and animal health. And when a pet they love is lost or dies, it is an experience and lesson about loss, death and bereavement.
Be the right role model
theSun, Tue, 06 May 2008
Setting examples for the little ones requires parents to sometimes be politically correct in their speech and action
THE phrase ‘leadership by example’ rings no truer for parents. We are our children’s role models. So much has been said and written by experts about this, it has probably sunk in pretty well. And for some of us, it probably sunk so deep that we could have forgotten about it! We tend to get caught up with the pace of modern-day life, running faster to win the rat race, scurrying ourselves and our children from one activity to another.
In this extremely competitive world which shouts so much about abilities, achievements and success, we cannot help but pay more attention to our outward appearance, giving heed to fashion and brands to project a good first impression. Mummy and daddy could look really good and presentable on the outside but what about the ‘inside’? Are we beautiful on the inside too, for ourselves and more importantly for our children, whom we are role models to?
What good is a person who looks like Miss Universe but pours out words portraying conceit, pride, and self-centredness? This brings to mind a stranger I came across one day at a mall. She was a well-dressed woman I happened to stand behind, coming down an escalator. She had with her a young child, presumably her own. Further down, another lady was struggling with her fully-laden supermarket trolley to get off upon reaching the end.
Before I continue about this well-dressed lady, I am sure you would agree with me that the other woman with the trolley is probably oblivious to the fact that she is endangering herself and others. Who in their right mind would take a trolley full of groceries down an escalator?
The next thing I heard was, “Goodness, how stupid can she be? So stupid, so stupid! Look, she’s so stupid!” I actually did think the same, but it is one thing to think that, and another to proclaim your thoughts to the whole world aloud, and even worse, to a young child with you.
All that remained in my mind soon after was no longer a picture of a well-dressed, seemingly educated lady, but an ugly one with that sneer, whose child will probably grow up spoilt, ill-mannered, obnoxious and uncaring.
I could be exaggerating with those adjectives about the child but hey, if that woman could do it in public and with such pride, chances are she could probably be even less guarded at home with her child or children.
If we wish to nurture our young children to become decent, respectable teenagers and adults, we need to keep our words and actions in check. I have been guilty myself of not doing so and have seen how easily my five-year-old copies what I had said or done. Children see and children do.
When do we actually pause to take stock of things in the midst of racing through life? What do we teach or show our children when we are with them? How do we portray ourselves to them? I believe we need to ask ourselves these questions more often.
And conduct occasional soul-searching to bringing ourselves back to reality and down to earth. After all, we are humans and we do have our own shortcomings. But as parents, we must always attempt to be as perfect as we can in the eyes of our children.
Setting examples for the little ones requires parents to sometimes be politically correct in their speech and action
THE phrase ‘leadership by example’ rings no truer for parents. We are our children’s role models. So much has been said and written by experts about this, it has probably sunk in pretty well. And for some of us, it probably sunk so deep that we could have forgotten about it! We tend to get caught up with the pace of modern-day life, running faster to win the rat race, scurrying ourselves and our children from one activity to another.
In this extremely competitive world which shouts so much about abilities, achievements and success, we cannot help but pay more attention to our outward appearance, giving heed to fashion and brands to project a good first impression. Mummy and daddy could look really good and presentable on the outside but what about the ‘inside’? Are we beautiful on the inside too, for ourselves and more importantly for our children, whom we are role models to?
What good is a person who looks like Miss Universe but pours out words portraying conceit, pride, and self-centredness? This brings to mind a stranger I came across one day at a mall. She was a well-dressed woman I happened to stand behind, coming down an escalator. She had with her a young child, presumably her own. Further down, another lady was struggling with her fully-laden supermarket trolley to get off upon reaching the end.
Before I continue about this well-dressed lady, I am sure you would agree with me that the other woman with the trolley is probably oblivious to the fact that she is endangering herself and others. Who in their right mind would take a trolley full of groceries down an escalator?
The next thing I heard was, “Goodness, how stupid can she be? So stupid, so stupid! Look, she’s so stupid!” I actually did think the same, but it is one thing to think that, and another to proclaim your thoughts to the whole world aloud, and even worse, to a young child with you.
All that remained in my mind soon after was no longer a picture of a well-dressed, seemingly educated lady, but an ugly one with that sneer, whose child will probably grow up spoilt, ill-mannered, obnoxious and uncaring.
I could be exaggerating with those adjectives about the child but hey, if that woman could do it in public and with such pride, chances are she could probably be even less guarded at home with her child or children.
If we wish to nurture our young children to become decent, respectable teenagers and adults, we need to keep our words and actions in check. I have been guilty myself of not doing so and have seen how easily my five-year-old copies what I had said or done. Children see and children do.
When do we actually pause to take stock of things in the midst of racing through life? What do we teach or show our children when we are with them? How do we portray ourselves to them? I believe we need to ask ourselves these questions more often.
And conduct occasional soul-searching to bringing ourselves back to reality and down to earth. After all, we are humans and we do have our own shortcomings. But as parents, we must always attempt to be as perfect as we can in the eyes of our children.
Little inquisitive minds
theSun, Tue, 22 April 2008
HAVE you ever had a child ceaselessly asking "why" or "how" to everything you tell him, or about anything that piqued his curiosity?
Parents of young ones who have started to talk can attest to the fact that they are indeed a curious bunch. And sometimes their questions border on the abstract and complex!
But what used to drive me up the wall (and sometimes still does) was my daughter adding questions to my answers, and the question-and-answer yo-yo could continue to great lengths, worthy of a mini series!
One morning, on the way to school, she got into one of her thoughtful moments and asked: "Mum, how did God make humans?"
I thought I had at least a year more to talk to her about that, or at least when she turns 35, before having to explain all about the birds and the bees!
As expected, a simple answer of "spiritual powers" was not sufficient. It was a test of my Biblical knowledge and ability to provide good answers while negotiating the morning traffic.
After several questions and answers on that topic, we approached the school gate. My mind was ready to say "goodbye, be good at school" when it was stalled by another question.
"How do sweets make you sick?" Thankfully, my reply somewhat satisfied her, and she got out with her backpack and waved goodbye. As a parent, I sometimes feel like I am back in school again, learning and re-learning lots of things – time and people management, negotiation, making a convincing sales pitch, training, motivation, psychology, health, nutrition, medicine, etc.
We could be specialists in certain areas but we still need to be jack-of-all-trades.
Handling children’s questions is certainly no easy task. How you approach and answer their questions contributes to their overall emotional and mental development and well-being.
We need to give some thought to the possible reasons why the child is asking the question or his/her motive for it, in order for our response to be meaningful. That way, we can provide the child with the appropriate knowledge and even to impart certain values.
We could turn it into an opportunity to learn together, to explore the Internet, books or encyclopaedia in search of the answer, if the question relates to something factual.
What is important is that we are honest with our children, even in times when we do not know the answer. Help them feel comfortable in knowing that you want to help them. Keep the answers simple, age-appropriate and make sure they understand. Do not avoid answering their questions or attempt to brush them off. They would only feel discouraged or think that it is not right to be inquisitive.
In this aspect, I see the teacher’s role in the classroom as critical too, more so if the education system weighs so much on rote learning, conformity, and discipline.
We all want our children to grow up not only knowledgeable but also confident, able to think independently and speak up when necessary.
HAVE you ever had a child ceaselessly asking "why" or "how" to everything you tell him, or about anything that piqued his curiosity?
Parents of young ones who have started to talk can attest to the fact that they are indeed a curious bunch. And sometimes their questions border on the abstract and complex!
But what used to drive me up the wall (and sometimes still does) was my daughter adding questions to my answers, and the question-and-answer yo-yo could continue to great lengths, worthy of a mini series!
One morning, on the way to school, she got into one of her thoughtful moments and asked: "Mum, how did God make humans?"
I thought I had at least a year more to talk to her about that, or at least when she turns 35, before having to explain all about the birds and the bees!
As expected, a simple answer of "spiritual powers" was not sufficient. It was a test of my Biblical knowledge and ability to provide good answers while negotiating the morning traffic.
After several questions and answers on that topic, we approached the school gate. My mind was ready to say "goodbye, be good at school" when it was stalled by another question.
"How do sweets make you sick?" Thankfully, my reply somewhat satisfied her, and she got out with her backpack and waved goodbye. As a parent, I sometimes feel like I am back in school again, learning and re-learning lots of things – time and people management, negotiation, making a convincing sales pitch, training, motivation, psychology, health, nutrition, medicine, etc.
We could be specialists in certain areas but we still need to be jack-of-all-trades.
Handling children’s questions is certainly no easy task. How you approach and answer their questions contributes to their overall emotional and mental development and well-being.
We need to give some thought to the possible reasons why the child is asking the question or his/her motive for it, in order for our response to be meaningful. That way, we can provide the child with the appropriate knowledge and even to impart certain values.
We could turn it into an opportunity to learn together, to explore the Internet, books or encyclopaedia in search of the answer, if the question relates to something factual.
What is important is that we are honest with our children, even in times when we do not know the answer. Help them feel comfortable in knowing that you want to help them. Keep the answers simple, age-appropriate and make sure they understand. Do not avoid answering their questions or attempt to brush them off. They would only feel discouraged or think that it is not right to be inquisitive.
In this aspect, I see the teacher’s role in the classroom as critical too, more so if the education system weighs so much on rote learning, conformity, and discipline.
We all want our children to grow up not only knowledgeable but also confident, able to think independently and speak up when necessary.
Of babies, no sleep and love
theSun, Tue, 08 Apr 2008
All childcare and parenting books advise a bedtime routine that calms and soothes the child to help him/her ease into sleep better. It normally includes a bath, some massage, a darkened room, soft music or bedtime story.
When my daughter was two, we had a frustrating time coping with her sleep problem.
The routine in getting her to bed was pretty much in place and she went to sleep without much fuss. The problem was that she could not stay asleep throughout the night.
She would wake at around 2am every night and refuse to go back to sleep, staying up for as long as three hours and demanding our attention.
According to a recent article from the NZ Herald, New Zealand babies are among the best behaved in the world.
"An international survey has found Kiwi infants sleep better and go to bed earlier than any in the English-speaking world, and wake less during the night ....
"The survey said New Zealand babies woke less than average during the night, were less likely to sleep in their parents’ bedroom and more likely to have the same bedtime routine."
The article also quoted an expert saying "parents who were worried about their children’s sleep patterns needed to focus on routine. Establishing a routine is the essence to getting babies to sleep better.
"For infants up to six or nine months old, parents should try to establish a routine of half an hour quiet time before baby is bathed, massaged and put to bed."
I thought I did that, so why didn’t it work for me?
We suffered from lack of sleep and its accompanying after-effects for many months, dragging ourselves out of bed every morning and struggling to stay awake at work throughout the day.
I noted that the article also mentioned that "despite the findings, nearly a third of New Zealand parents believed their babies had sleep problems".
While establishing a sleep-time routine is a ‘best-practice’, I guess a small percentage of babies still defy the laws of Slumberland. Mine was one of them. We were at our wits’ end figuring out how to break that habit. It tried our patience. It was only after I took a week-long break that my daughter kicked the habit. Somehow within that week, she slept through the night and continued to do so after I returned to work.
I wonder if her waking and staying awake in the middle of the night was because she wanted to spend more time with us. For a two-year-old who had limited communication skills, maybe that’s what she was trying to tell us.
We spend long hours at work, and especially on weekdays, there’s hardly time to lavish enough attention and playtime on our little ones when we get home.
We go through the routine of our chores and tending to their basic needs of being fed, cleaned and put to bed. Maybe that’s not enough to meet our child’s need to bond with us.
I am not an expert in childcare, parenting or child psychology but one thing I know for sure is that babies need lots of bonding and protection from their parents.
If you observe nature, even baby animals need that. Little chimps cling on to their mother’s chest or back, a tiny lamb follows its mum everywhere she goes, little ducklings swim alongside their mama in the pond, and chicks seek shelter under mother hen’s wings.
All childcare and parenting books advise a bedtime routine that calms and soothes the child to help him/her ease into sleep better. It normally includes a bath, some massage, a darkened room, soft music or bedtime story.
When my daughter was two, we had a frustrating time coping with her sleep problem.
The routine in getting her to bed was pretty much in place and she went to sleep without much fuss. The problem was that she could not stay asleep throughout the night.
She would wake at around 2am every night and refuse to go back to sleep, staying up for as long as three hours and demanding our attention.
According to a recent article from the NZ Herald, New Zealand babies are among the best behaved in the world.
"An international survey has found Kiwi infants sleep better and go to bed earlier than any in the English-speaking world, and wake less during the night ....
"The survey said New Zealand babies woke less than average during the night, were less likely to sleep in their parents’ bedroom and more likely to have the same bedtime routine."
The article also quoted an expert saying "parents who were worried about their children’s sleep patterns needed to focus on routine. Establishing a routine is the essence to getting babies to sleep better.
"For infants up to six or nine months old, parents should try to establish a routine of half an hour quiet time before baby is bathed, massaged and put to bed."
I thought I did that, so why didn’t it work for me?
We suffered from lack of sleep and its accompanying after-effects for many months, dragging ourselves out of bed every morning and struggling to stay awake at work throughout the day.
I noted that the article also mentioned that "despite the findings, nearly a third of New Zealand parents believed their babies had sleep problems".
While establishing a sleep-time routine is a ‘best-practice’, I guess a small percentage of babies still defy the laws of Slumberland. Mine was one of them. We were at our wits’ end figuring out how to break that habit. It tried our patience. It was only after I took a week-long break that my daughter kicked the habit. Somehow within that week, she slept through the night and continued to do so after I returned to work.
I wonder if her waking and staying awake in the middle of the night was because she wanted to spend more time with us. For a two-year-old who had limited communication skills, maybe that’s what she was trying to tell us.
We spend long hours at work, and especially on weekdays, there’s hardly time to lavish enough attention and playtime on our little ones when we get home.
We go through the routine of our chores and tending to their basic needs of being fed, cleaned and put to bed. Maybe that’s not enough to meet our child’s need to bond with us.
I am not an expert in childcare, parenting or child psychology but one thing I know for sure is that babies need lots of bonding and protection from their parents.
If you observe nature, even baby animals need that. Little chimps cling on to their mother’s chest or back, a tiny lamb follows its mum everywhere she goes, little ducklings swim alongside their mama in the pond, and chicks seek shelter under mother hen’s wings.
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