There are ways to cope with the stress of the shift to a new home
theSun, Tues 18 Nov 2008
RIGHT now, my daughter is very excited about our impending move to a new home. To her, a new home means the realisation of her dream of having a pet dog and a playroom. While adults are fully aware of what is involved and how to cope physically and emotionally with the move, children’s reaction depends on their age and personality.
All the packing and sorting create some confusion and disorder in the household. They could sap our energy and inadvertently cause us to pay less attention to our children. Tempers could fl are more easily and we could become impatient amidst the chaos. If we adults feel stress and anxiety with encountering too many new and different things, what more the children?
Babies and toddlers are especially sensitive to the changes in their environment, including our stress and anxiety. Try to keep their routine as normal as possible with regular meals, naps, baths and play times. While we may be busy, we need to continue spending time playing or reading with them. This gives us a break too and helps our children feel secure.
If you are moving within the neighbourhood, the change may not affect the children too badly as they could continue going to the same school, playground and shops. Their daily activities and encounters remain somewhat unchanged. The minor changes could involve familiarising themselves with a new route to school or re-learning certain household rules.
Moving further away to a different state or country, however, would mean a complete and drastic change. Coping with the physical move and emotional confusion could lead to temporary behavioural problems among children. They could feel a sense of loss as they have to leave things, places, relatives and friends behind.
Going to a new school and making new friends is a stressful experience. Depending on the child’s age, he may not understand everything that is going on and become more attention-seeking or vulnerable to tears and tantrums; or he could become rude, stubborn or disobedient, resenting you for unsettling his comfort zone.
While it is impossible to bring their best friend along, we could comfort them with the idea that they could still stay in touch, write or visit occasionally. If distance permits, start making friends with neighbours and visiting the local library or playground even before your move to allow you and your children time to ease into the new surroundings gradually.
When packing, remember to keep their favourites close at hand. Packing and sealing your toddler’s favourite teddy in a box would be a big mistake. Get the older children involved in developing checklists, sorting, packing and unpacking, and in simple decisions for the new home such as the colour of their rooms, where they would like their toys and books to be kept.
The general idea is to minimise the disruptions to their daily routines and activities and ease them into the new home and surroundings. Continuity helps them settle down better. Share with them how certain things could be different for them and prepare them with what to expect. Tell them that it is all right to feel anxious or afraid and that you are with them. Help them see the benefi ts of the move and remember to have fun. With children, we won’t go wrong when we include fun and love in everything we do with them.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Back to school
theSun, Tuesday Nov 4, 2008
GOING back to school after a long break can be stressful for both parents and children. Besides shopping for school necessities, parents and children need to readjust themselves to getting back into the routine when school re-opens.
While it may be easier with older children who are experienced enough in coping with preparations to return to school, some extra effort and attention are required with children going to school for the very first time.
Children going to preschool or entering primary or even secondary school for the first time tend to have anxieties related to changes in their environment – new school, new teachers, new friends.
For toddlers and preschoolers, it means being separated from their caregivers, their familiar surroundings and their favourite toys.
Parents should prepare well ahead of time to help their children gear up for school. Start shopping early for all the supplies such as textbooks, stationery, school uniforms, bags and shoes.
Prepare a simple checklist of all the things your children need. Better still, if your children are old enough, ask them to make the list. Once the list is ready, go shopping with them and make it fun.
Involving children in these tasks helps prepare them mentally for school or look forward to going back again.
Purchase some activity books and games that are related to what your children have learnt to help refresh their memory. It becomes easier for them to reapply the knowledge when they get back to school.
For younger children who are going to school for the first time, this new experience could be both exciting and daunting. Some may be excited and view it as a new ‘adventure’ while others will be reluctant to leave their comfort zone.
Get storybooks or movies about going to school to help them imagine the experience and learn what to expect.
Visit the school with them or if the school has organised an open day, use the opportunity to get familiarised with the school surroundings and let your children learn where the classroom, toilets, playground and cafeteria are located.
Some kindergartens organise a field trip to a primary school for their graduating pre-schoolers.
This way, the children can observe and learn about the general set-up of a primary school, or even role-play a typical classroom scene to develop better awareness of the new environment they will be in the next year.
Find out if your children’s preschool has such an activity or you could suggest it to them.
Share with them your own good experiences about going to school. Tell them about the fun they could have with other children, and all the interesting activities and lessons the teacher will be teaching.
Start getting them into a routine that is like the one during school. Get them to bed and up at the same times as they would if it was a school day.
Their body rhythms will reset to the new routine and they will have more energy those first few mornings because it has become part of their regular day.
It also helps you to estimate how much time it will take to get them ready and out the door.
You, too, will sleep better and awake refreshed minus the stress of last-minute shopping and knowing that you are prepared for the tears and fears if they creep up on you and your children.
GOING back to school after a long break can be stressful for both parents and children. Besides shopping for school necessities, parents and children need to readjust themselves to getting back into the routine when school re-opens.
While it may be easier with older children who are experienced enough in coping with preparations to return to school, some extra effort and attention are required with children going to school for the very first time.
Children going to preschool or entering primary or even secondary school for the first time tend to have anxieties related to changes in their environment – new school, new teachers, new friends.
For toddlers and preschoolers, it means being separated from their caregivers, their familiar surroundings and their favourite toys.
Parents should prepare well ahead of time to help their children gear up for school. Start shopping early for all the supplies such as textbooks, stationery, school uniforms, bags and shoes.
Prepare a simple checklist of all the things your children need. Better still, if your children are old enough, ask them to make the list. Once the list is ready, go shopping with them and make it fun.
Involving children in these tasks helps prepare them mentally for school or look forward to going back again.
Purchase some activity books and games that are related to what your children have learnt to help refresh their memory. It becomes easier for them to reapply the knowledge when they get back to school.
For younger children who are going to school for the first time, this new experience could be both exciting and daunting. Some may be excited and view it as a new ‘adventure’ while others will be reluctant to leave their comfort zone.
Get storybooks or movies about going to school to help them imagine the experience and learn what to expect.
Visit the school with them or if the school has organised an open day, use the opportunity to get familiarised with the school surroundings and let your children learn where the classroom, toilets, playground and cafeteria are located.
Some kindergartens organise a field trip to a primary school for their graduating pre-schoolers.
This way, the children can observe and learn about the general set-up of a primary school, or even role-play a typical classroom scene to develop better awareness of the new environment they will be in the next year.
Find out if your children’s preschool has such an activity or you could suggest it to them.
Share with them your own good experiences about going to school. Tell them about the fun they could have with other children, and all the interesting activities and lessons the teacher will be teaching.
Start getting them into a routine that is like the one during school. Get them to bed and up at the same times as they would if it was a school day.
Their body rhythms will reset to the new routine and they will have more energy those first few mornings because it has become part of their regular day.
It also helps you to estimate how much time it will take to get them ready and out the door.
You, too, will sleep better and awake refreshed minus the stress of last-minute shopping and knowing that you are prepared for the tears and fears if they creep up on you and your children.
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