Rock-a-bye baby ...

theSun, Tue, 22 Dec 2009

All parents, whether they are musically-inclined or not, have certainly sung various songs to their children. We sing to soothe a crying baby, to rock him to sleep, to entertain and interact with him. Research has shown that singing, in actual fact, benefits the brain.
According to Kidshealth.org, a parenting website, "children who grow up hearing music, singing songs, and moving to the beat are enjoying what experts call ‘a rich sensory environment’. That’s just a fancy way of saying a child is exposed to a wide variety of tastes, smells, textures, colours, and sounds".

Researchers believe this forges more pathways, or neural connections, between the cells in their brains.

When children sing and move to music, both the left and right hemisperes of their brains are activated, stimulating learning and memory. A simple example will be the Alphabet Song – by singing it a number of times, children can memorise the entire alphabet with ease and enjoyment.

And when we put a tune to a telephone number (think of the phone number for a certain pizza company’s delivery service!), there is a higher likelihood of us remembering the number.

Not too long ago, I watched an inspirational movie, The Triumph (a.k.a. The Ron Clark Story) based on the true story of Ron Clark, an American teacher who used creative teaching methods to make a difference in the lives of his class of problematic students in Harlem. This included composing a rap song to help them remember the names of all the past presidents.

In the article Born to Sing: How Music Enriches Children’s Language Development (chicagochildrensmuseum.org/learn_sing.html), Ann Gadzikowski writes that language learning is enhanced when children experience the rhythm of music. Children’s experiences with music build vocabulary, listening skills, and language acquisition.

In studies conducted by educator Phyllis Weikert, a child’s ability to clap or tap a steady beat is directly linked to language learning. For example, clapping or tapping the rhythm of an unfamiliar word often helps children learn new vocabulary.

My Google search for more information on the benefits of singing turned up over 13 million results. In reading some of these articles, I have learnt that singing not only benefits children but adults as well.

Research conducted by scientists at the University of Frankfurt in Germany showed that singing strengthens the immune system in adults.

In another study, choir members were asked how singing affected them physically and psychologically. They reported "improved lung capacity, high energy, relieved asthma, better posture, and enhanced feelings of relaxation, mood and confidence".

Singing also reduces stress and pain, according to Patricia Preston-Roberts, a board-certified music therapist in New York City.

She said that studies have linked singing with a lower heart rate, decreased blood pressure, and reduced stress.

So, if a song wells up in your heart or a jingle keeps playing in your head, just give your vocal chords free reign, be it in the bathroom, car or kitchen.

Even if you don’t sound professional, you now know it’ll do you and your children some good.

Cooking made easy

theSun,Tue, 08 Dec 2009

Cooking for the family takes up a large chunk of a mother’s time. When I tell people I am a housewife, or in more current terms, a S- or WAHM (stay- or work-at-home mother), I hear comments like: "So free", or the much-detested phrase: "Since you are not working, you have more free time".
"Free", "not working", and "have more free time", however, are complete misperceptions.

A stay-at-home mother "stays" at home to care for almost everything in the house and family, and "works" from home if she has a home business or an employer that lets her work off-site while caring for the family.

While we may have more flexibility with our time, having more free time is hardly a privilege we can claim. For such mothers, it takes skill, which comes from trial-and-error and experience, to juggle the various commitments and responsibilities.

Ideas to maximise time are needed, especially when it comes to the time-consuming activity of cooking for the family. Here are some tips I have used in my attempt to save cooking time:


» One-pot meals

Cooking one-pot meals will save you the headache of preparing a five-course meal while still meeting the demands of your family’s dietary needs. They save time without compromising on the quality of the food you serve.


» Cook and freeze

Cook larger portions so that you can eat one portion and freeze the rest for another meal (or two) next time. Even pureed baby food can be frozen in ice cube trays, as childcare experts have suggested, as it is easier to make a bowlful of mashed peas than just half a cup.

» Thaw frozen food earlier

Thaw frozen food like meat in the refrigerator overnight so that it is ready to be cooked the next day.


» Involve your children

Children can help rinse vegetables, and grate or cut them using a butter knife. They get to play, develop their matching, counting and motor skills. You save some time and they remain right under your nose while you are busy in the kitchen.

Also, children tend to enjoy and eat more of the food they have helped prepare. They will be more open to trying new tastes and textures.


» Make use of appliances

Use appliances like food processors to chop and blend to save time and energy. Steamers and slow cookers with a timer offer a safe and convenient way to cook food healthily. You do not have to watch over the stove to prevent the food from boiling over or burning. Ensure the appliances are in good condition to avoid unnecessary stress and breakdowns.


» Be prepared

If you use a gas stove, keep a spare cylinder. Getting stranded with half-cooked food while waiting for the supplier to deliver is a waste of time, and your food may not be tasty later.


» Keep a notepad handy

A notepad allows you to immediately jot down any food item that is running out. This way, you will not leave out anything during your next shopping trip. Making an extra trip just to get that box of cereal is not only a waste of time but also add to the cost of fuel for the vehicle, parking and other related expenses.

Childproofing your home

There are lots of potential danger in the house that can attract a toddler’s attention
theSun, Tue, 24 Nov 2009

Our young ones are always curious and love exploring. Besides poking their little fingers into their eyes, nose and mouth, they also make a beeline for buttons, knobs, holes, cracks, and tug at strings, wires, and handles. Colourful objects and things that move or make a noise also attract their curiosity.
Once you have a crawling toddler around the house, you need to keep him safe by childproofing your home. To be sure you leave no stone unturned, take a ‘baby’s-eye view’ around your home. Get down on all fours, crawl around and see what your baby sees as he makes his way around the house.

Here is a simple, but non-exhaustive, checklist to help you childproof your home:

» Do not place breakable items such as vases, decorative pieces or glass picture frames within his reach. It is best to keep them in storage for the time being.

» Secure doorknobs of rooms, bathrooms, kitchen cabinets and wardrobes with doorknob covers or safety latches. This will keep dangerous items such as poisonous household cleaning products, medicines or drugs, and sharp objects like knives and other tools from their reach.

» Install safety gates at the top and bottom of the staircase. It is best to use those that can be anchored to the wall or banister, instead of those that use pressure which may topple or dislodge if the child puts his weight against it.

» Secure all hard edges and sharp corners with protectors to prevent injury in the event your child bumps into them.

» Keep dangling cords for curtains, blinds and electrical appliances out of his reach. Also, hang mobiles or dangling toys out of his reach and remove them once he can sit or stand up.

» Babies pull up on furniture after they start crawling. And when they learn to climb, you need to watch out. Anchor shelving units, cabinets, television sets and bookcases with braces or brackets to the wall or floor to prevent them from tipping over. Place furniture away from windows and ensure that glass doors and windows are made of strong, tempered glass. Put heavier items on bottom shelves and drawers to make furniture less top-heavy.

» Place pots and pans on the inner burners of the stove, and turn the handles away from his reach. Install smoke detectors around the house and ensure they are in working condition. Keep a fire extinguisher in the house and have emergency telephone numbers handy.

» Keep unused pails empty or overturned. If you are soaking anything, make sure the pails are out of your child’s reach. Children are top heavy and can drown in just an inch of water. Secure toilet lids and bathroom doorknobs to prevent him from entering the bathroom. Install a fence around your swimming pool. Drain out your wading pool and store it upright if not in use.

» Keep your floors clean. Wipe up spills immediately. Check under the carpets or furniture for food crumbs or small items that your child could pick up and put into his mouth. They are not only dirty but could be choking hazards too.


Most importantly, watch your child all the time. Even if you have childproofed your home, it takes only an instant for him to fall, crawl or run over to a dangerous place or put something into his mouth.

Coping with jetlag in both young and old

theSun, Tue, 10 Nov 2009


IN my previous article, I gave some pointers on how to make long-haul flights with young children in tow less stressful. Here are some tips on how to cope with children suffering from jetlag.

After having survived the last 15 hours cooped up in a pressurised cabin with your child, brace yourself to face the next hurdle – jetlag. If you have travelled long haul to a place where the time difference is significant, you and your child will most likely suffer jetlag.

On long flights, you tend to get dehydrated and insufficient sleep while your body clock goes haywire. Your child gets irritable, throws tantrums and loses his appetite. So can you. It is best to be prepared for these.

If possible, get non-stop flights, or schedule your flight to coincide with your child’s sleeping time. Bring along your baby carrier or car seat to strap him into it so that you do not have to keep him on your lap or in your arms throughout the flight. This enables you to rest comfortably too.

Get started in following the local time as soon as you can. Set your watch to the local time of your destination while you are on the plane.

Be sure to keep yourself hydrated by drinking enough non-alcoholic and non-caffeinated drinks. Give your child enough fluids in the form of water, diluted juice, fruits or vegetables.

Wear comfortable clothes and shoes, do some light exercises or take short walks in the plane to get your blood circulating.

Upon arrival, get to work immediately on eating, sleeping and waking according to the local time. Opt for healthy food at mealtimes.

Exposure to sunlight helps your body naturally adjust your body clock. Try to be outdoors during daylight as much as possible. Find the nearest park and have some physical activities and stay outdoors until dinnertime if you can.

Try to get your child to nap when it is naptime according to the local clock. However, if your child is sleepy, allow him to nap but not for too long.

When it is bedtime, keep the room dark and keep the bedtime ritual and ambience similar to the one at home.

Try to nap or rest when they nap, and sleep when they sleep. This will give you the energy to attend to their needs, especially in the middle of the night. Form a tag team with your partner or other adults travelling with you so that you can take turns to get rest.

When your child wakes up at night, keep him occupied with simple, less stimulating activities. You could give him some light snacks or milk if he is hungry and make him go back to sleep as soon as possible.

He could wake in the middle of the night for the next few nights while his body is still adjusting to the local time.

While these few practical tips may help you and your child reset your body clock, it is also good to remind yourself to take things in your stride.

Do not fret too much when your child refuses to sleep or when he throws a tantrum because he is really tired. Impatience and frustration will add to the stress and make it all the more difficult to enjoy your holiday.

Flying with kids

Going on long-haul flights with children in tow can be a challenge for some parents
theSun, Tues, 27 Oct 2009



Wasn’t travelling a breeze when you did not have kids? However, with baby around, you will probably think twice before deciding to travel.

When you have your little ones as travel companions, you will have to be prepared not only to meet their physical needs such as sleep, food and diaper changes, but also their endless whining, restlessness, crying, impatience and the frequent: “Are we there yet?”

The whole idea of travelling can be even more daunting if it involves a long-haul flight when stopping at the nearest rest area as and when you wish is not an option. However, with enough ­preparations, a long-haul flight with children can be managed well enough to make travelling less of a hassle and more of an enjoyable family experience.

For seasoned travellers, getting ready to travel with children may be a routine affair, but for some of us, the following few pointers may help us get prepared for that first or rarely taken long-haul flight with our young ones.

Flight schedule
If possible, time the flight according to the child’s feeding, nap and sleeping schedules. If your child can sleep on the plane, the flight will be less stressful for you. Breastfeed or bottle feed your child before take-off and landing to alleviate discomfort in the ears.

If you have to transit, factor in extra time, taking into account the extra ­baggage you will have to carry like stroller, diaper bag and the like.

Don’t even think you can dash from one gate to another just as you did on your honeymoon trip! Also, allow time for customs and passport checks.

It will be helpful if you know the ­facilities available at the airports you are stopping at. Find out if they have ­restaurants, nursery, play areas, ­convenience stores selling children’s necessities and baby-changing rooms.

Use the airport lounge if you can during transit. Here, you can rest more comfortably and be more accessible to amenities such as toilets and shower facilities as the main terminal is usually busy and crowded.

In-flight
For infants, pack diapers, formula, ­bottles, pacifier if required, wipes, snacks, favourite toys, books, blanket or any other items he feels secure with.

It is better to overestimate and bring more than you think you need. Have a change or two of clothes for him and at least a spare top for yourself, in case of spills or vomit.

For toddlers, pack age-appropriate colouring, sticker or activity books, ­crayons, small toys and story books. Include a few new (or even old but ­seldom-used) toys as surprises to ­distract them when they get antsy. Dish them out sparingly, however, only when all else fails, lest they start expecting something new every time they throw a tantrum.

Avoid jigsaw puzzles or toys with small detachable parts as you will not want to be crawling around the cabin floor in search of fallen or missing pieces. Also, avoid noisy toys unless you relish stares and glares from other annoyed passengers when your child makes Polly Parrot squawk continuously throughout the 15-hour flight.

Check if your airline offers in-flight movies for children. It will be better if the TV screen is on the back of the seat, as children usually cannot see the large screen placed in front of the cabin. Or bring your own portable DVD player and your child’s favourite cartoons and educational shows.

Planting roots

theSun, Tue, 13 Oct 2009

FAMILY traditions and activities during festivals are important for strengthening family ties. At the same time, they teach the children values and help us remember our heritage.

As the world around us becomes increasingly seamless, the lines between cultures and norms fade. And it doesn’t help with our wide exposure to the more dominant cultures of the West via the media.

My daughter, for one, used to think Malaysians celebrate Halloween, and that she is an English girl, not Chinese, since she speaks English.

These days, cultural and religious festivals have an added commercial twist. Shopping malls and restaurants grab the opportunity to boost their business by attracting customers with their lavishly-decorated premises, special discounts and promotions.

Many children, and even adults sometimes, can’t help but be drawn into the hype and party atmosphere.

When I was a child, I remember the excitement of getting Chinese New Year red packets or angpows, eating lots of cookies and sweets, drinking iced carbonated drinks and playing with fireworks and sparklers.

However, it is not these things that matter most to me as an adult now. It is the traditions the family practised that I now remember my roots and know some aspects of the Chinese culture.

We also made it a point to visit all our relatives, and I learnt how to address them according to their rankings in our dialect. I knew who the granduncles, grandaunts, cousins, second cousins, uncles and aunts were, and where their place was in the extended family tree.

We need to remind ourselves of and teach our children the history, meaning and traditions behind the festivals we celebrate and even those of other cultures.

By sharing with our children stories, cultural practices and religious rituals of these festivals, we renew our own knowledge while the children gain a better understanding of it.

Cultural and religious festivals are good opportunities to teach our children about the multi-racial community that we live in.

Children need to learn that there are people from various ethnic groups and nationalities around the world, whose culture and lifestyles differ from their own.

They need to be taught that despite the differences, be it in physical appearance, lifestyle or even the food that they eat or don’t eat, they should accept, respect and treat everyone equally.

The last quarter of the year in Malaysia is the time that sees Malaysians celebrating a series of cultural and religious festivals. Muslims recently observed the fasting month of Ramadan followed by Hari Raya Aidilfitri.

Chinese folk recently celebrated the Mid-Autumn Festival during 15th day of the eighth month of the lunar calendar that fell on Oct 3, and very soon, the Hindus will be celebrating Deepavali on Oct 17.

Come December, there will be Christmas, Awal Muharram and the Chinese Winter Solstice festival. Then, before you know it, it will be Chinese New Year in February next year.

Festivals celebrated by the minority native groups should also not be left out.

Children learn by example and by participating, especially when fun is involved. For example, by participating in simple activities like making greeting cards and decorative items, reading stories about festivals, singing festive songs, cooking and tasting festive food, going to places of worship, visiting relatives and friends at their open houses, and giving and receiving gifts, they learn a range of skills, lessons and values.

These include creativity, motor skill development, math, science, art, music, heritage, culture, faith, love, forgiveness, generosity, sharing, teamwork, respect, friendship, etiquette, history, and even geography.

At the end of the day, we as parents should think about what traditions we want to share and leave as legacies for our children.

Me, me and mine

An only child must learn that the world does not revolve around him/her alone
theSun, Tue, 29 Sep 2009

My daughter is good at talking and seems to have answers for everything. Most times, she presents rather convincing arguments for her ideas and decisions and expects to get what she wants.
Could it be because she is an only child and is used to getting everyone’s full attention?

Children in single-child families usually have their parents all to themselves and they do not face any competition for attention. It is important, therefore, that parents draw the line from the beginning and set limits.

With positive parenting, the child can turn out to become a well-adjusted and sensible adult. Not everyone who is an only child is spoiled, domineering, and selfish, as most people tend to generalise.

As a parent of an only child, I need to be aware of the situations and experiences unique to her, and manage them well as she encounters it.

The only child receives full attention from his/her parents who can become over-protective and over-indulgent.

Encouraging the child to explore his/her own opinions and to learn from the outcome of the decisions helps to build self-confidence.

However, he/she must learn that expressing and thinking independently does not mean that he/she is right or will get what he/she wants all the time.

An only child grows up in a household of adults and has less interaction with peers compared to children with siblings. Children with siblings are naturally exposed to situations that teach them to compromise, give in and take turns.

Create avenues for your only child to develop his/her social interaction skills. Set up playdates with other children or spend time with families with more than one child. Get the child to join you or others in helping the community so that the focus will be away from him/her. Involve the child in team-based activities.

When such children see the situations and people around them, they will have less need for people to pay attention to them. They learn to realise that their wants may not be as important as what someone less fortunate needs. They see that they have to play by the team’s rules if they want to be part of the group.

Our expectations of our only child should be realistic. Allow these children to be themselves and provide them space to develop their personal interests. And when they show an interest in something, support and encourage them but remember not to be over-enthusiastic.

Carolyn White, author of The Seven Common Sins of Parenting an Only Child, writes: "Only-child parents are quick to think that if their bright child shows an interest in art, music, ballet or basket-weaving, it’s necessary to call in the big guns. They find their child the best piano teacher in the city or spend hours in museums.

"It’s not enough for their child to have interests and explore them in a casual way. Parents of only child must curb their enthusiasm for trying to make their child older than she/he is ….

"Remind yourself of your child’s chronological age, and try not to be flattered when other adults say, ‘Oh, Jerzey is only 10? He seems so much older.’ It’s not necessarily a compliment."

Provide an environment for your only child to grow up among his/her peers as much as possible so that he/she does not feel lonely.

When recalling their childhood, many only children said they did not miss having siblings simply because they were provided opportunities to develop friendships with other children in their neighbourhood, school, and extended family.

The confidence factor

Inculcating self-esteem from young will make children feel more positive about themselves
theSun, Tue 08 Sep 2009

It is show-and-tell day at school. Little Jack is afraid to step forward to share with his classmates what he brought to school to show them.
"I can’t do it, I’m not good," he says.

At other times, Jack does not want to try new things. He frequently thinks he is not good at anything and speaks negatively of himself. He finds new challenges frustrating and gives up easily.

Nurturing self-esteem in a child, like in many other areas of parenting, requires conscious effort.

Self-esteem can be defined as the opinions and feelings we have of ourselves. How we perceive ourselves affects our attitudes, what we do, and how we feel and behave towards ourselves and others.

Children with good self-esteem tend to be more positive, and will take on new challenges without giving in to anxiety and failure.

When children fail at something, and are encouraged to try again and again until they succeed, they learn to develop positive ideas about their own capabilities.

When parents are around to encourage and guide them in forming these right feelings they have about themselves, children will grow to have higher self-esteem.

They will have positive ideas of their own abilities, and feel more accepted and loved.

In helping children build self-esteem, we must first of all remember that they are unique. Accept them by recognising that each has his/her own unique talents and help to nurture their different abilities.

We should never ever compare them with other children.

Choose your words carefully. If she is not made out to be the next Mozart, do not make her feel unworthy and useless by saying: "Look at Jill, she can play the piano so well, why can’t you?"

Or if she compares herself with Jill, help her see that she is good at other things and praise her for her efforts in playing the piano.

Reward her effort even if she did not win the coveted Pianist of the Year award.

Instead of labelling your child as a "naughty boy", separate the bad behaviour and deal with it without judging the child.

Tell him/her: "What you did to your friend was not good" instead of "You were so naughty".

Allow them to make some of the decisions on their own. This does not mean that you give them total freedom to do as they please.

By letting them decide on simple things, as long as their choices are not detrimental or extreme, our children will learn independence and be self-decisive.

Allowing them to make their own judgments and feel good about the outcome also help strengthen their self-worth.

In that way, they gain confidence and their self-esteem is raised.

As parents, we can provide them with a safe and loving environment. Be there for them, listen to them and build up the trust and respect between parent and child.

When children know that they are loved for who they are, they feel more secure.

Positive feelings about themselves will in the long run help them be confident with people, experiences and challenges they would come across in their lives in the future.

Making hospital stays less scary

theSun, Tue, 25 Aug 2009

One of the worst things about being a parent is coping with a sick child. And I don’t mean the usual sniffles or sore throat which a simple visit to the doctor will suffice.

The real challenge is when a child is seriously sick and requires hospitalisation. The experience can be less daunting for both of you if you know what to do.

If your child needs to be admitted into hospital, let him know beforehand. If he is a pre-schooler, tell him about it a day or two earlier. Do not tell him too early as he might get unduly anxious.

Older children, however, can be told about it as soon as possible. This way, they will have more time to prepare themselves mentally and emotionally, and can ask questions to ease their apprehension.

Answer their questions as simply as you can. The explanations and descriptions that you use to let them know what to expect should be age appropriate. As the parent, you are the best person to know how much your child can understand.

Be honest with him and sound positive. If pain or discomfort is to be expected, tell him the truth but assure him that the doctor and nurses will give him medicine to make him feel better.

Share with him why he needs to stay in the hospital, how long he will be there, and what the doctors and nurses will do. Tell him where you will be and when you will be visiting him during his stay. Let him know if you plan to stay with him (if the hospital allows it) as he will feel reassured.

If your child is a pre-schooler, read him storybooks about going to the hospital. Play ‘doctor’ or ‘hospital’ with him using a toy doctor’s set. Pack his favourite books, toys or activity books so that he will feel more at home.

He can be kept occupied and feel less bored if his condition allows him to indulge in some light activity in bed or in the room.

To prepare yourself, get as much information from the hospital about the procedures for admission. Familiarise yourself with the hospital surroundings and facilities such as parking areas, restaurants and visiting hours.

Ask the doctor for details to understand your child’s condition better. Find out what he or she will be doing to help your child so that you know what to expect.

Take care of yourself and make sure you rest and eat well. Share your thoughts and feelings with family and friends. Stress and worry could take a toll on you, and your child can pick it up.

Negative vibes and nervousness are among the last things you want your child to feel. You need to be calm and confident to provide the love and support your child needs during that period.

Managing mealtimes

theSun, Tue 04 Aug 2009

When it comes to mealtimes, I sometimes wish children came equipped with an on-off button so that we could keep them under our control at the touch of a button. In our hectic lifestyles, mealtimes appear to be about the only time we have to unwind and spend time together as a family.
When a family includes young children, mealtimes often become pretty stressful. The common problems parents have are their children’s refusal to eat, being picky with the food and not being able to sit still.

What can we do to tackle these challenges?

We need first to believe that they will not starve. From 18 months to three years of age, a child’s growth rate slows down. The child is less hungry so he eats less. He would grow in height more quickly than gain weight. He is learning to be independent and wants to assert it.

The more we force children to do something they do not like, the more likely a power struggle will take place.

Some parents, including me, tend to force them to eat, which in actual fact, is wrong. If they are energetic and growing well, we should not worry too much.

Look at how much of food they eat over a week, rather than the quantity they consume every day. This will give you a better picture of their overall diet and how balanced it is.

Offer children a variety of foodstuff and serve them in small portions. Children feel good about themselves when they are able to finish what is on their plate.

When there is too much food, they might feel overwhelmed and refuse to eat. When introducing a new dish, serve it with food they like and serve it several times. The more times a child gets to taste it, the more likely he is to accept it.

If your children are old enough, throw in some activities to make the introduction of the new food item more exciting. You can get them to help prepare it or cut it into fun shapes or decorate it to make the dish more interesting and appealing.

Young children are curious, love to explore and are easily distracted. Thus, it is difficult for them to sit still. Instead of allowing them to eat while watching television or allowing them to bring their books and toys to the table, we could try making them eat at the table for an appropriate amount of time by using a timer (I picked up this tip on the Internet).

The amount of time they sit at the table can be increased gradually over a period of time. They should be rewarded with praise or a sticker if they are successful. Start interesting conversations and share funny stories to keep them at the table.

If they are playing before mealtime, give them ample warning as to when they should stop. Children need time to end their games, and ‘switch over’ from an activity that is stimulating to one that is relatively mundane in their eyes.

Ask them to help you do simple things in preparation for the meal, like setting the table.

While these suggestions make sense on paper, we often lament that they are easier said than done. Often times, none of them seems to work but we should rest assured that slowly, over time, and done consistently, these steps will help make mealtimes less stressful.

Old games made new

Traditional children’s play has now evolved to include new rhymes and chants plus fancy hand-finger actions
theSun,Tue, 21 Jul 2009

I WAS pleased to find out recently that some games I used to play with my school friends are still being played by schoolchildren these days, albeit with new names and rules.

Games like ‘tag’ and ‘rock, paper, scissors’ have evolved to include new procedures and fancy hand and finger actions, along with new chants and rhymes.

My friends and I referred to ‘tag’ as ‘catching’ then. Now, my daughter and her friends call it ‘ice and water’.

As for ‘rock, paper, scissors’, we simply said “one, two, juice” before we showed our choice and won by points those days.

Now, I link pinkies with my daughter and sing “see, see, America, America ...”, and make slapping actions in the air to ‘slap’ the loser while she turns her cheek sideways in jest when ‘slapped’.

No matter how silly some of these traditional games may sound with their nonsensical rhymes, they have been passed on from generation to generation and do provide some benefits other than just plain old fun.

In the article The Benefits of Play: Traditional Outdoor Games found in a UK-based website, My Child, it said that “the jeers, taunts, calls, chants, mock speeches, humorous narratives, rhymes, backwards and nonsense verses in children’s lore give plenty of opportunity to ­practise phonology, lexis, ­grammar, syntax and semantics without the children being aware”.

I find that these games also bridge the gap between the young and old. Compared to modern-day technology-based games that use handheld consoles, the television or computer, these ‘old’ games do not require batteries, electricity or technology know-how which the older generation may find some difficulty in following.

There are games that you play indoors and others outdoors, in small groups and larger groups, using little or basic materials, and sometimes none at all. This makes these games easily accessible and affordable to all.

Some do not have set limitations to the rules or number of people playing, and can easily be modified according to one’s creativity.

I remember tying a bunch of frangipani flowers with a rubber band to substitute for the actual toy made of chicken feathers attached to a small circular, flat rubber base. We kicked and tried to keep it in the air for as long as we could with the inner side of our foot.

We strung lots of rubber bands together into a long braid and used it as a skipping rope, as well as the contraption for the game zero-point.

Then, there were, of course, hopscotch, hantu galah, five stones and card games like Snap and Old Maid. We played rounders using rolled-up newspaper and a small rubber or tennis ball.

These games are simple yet effective in helping to develop ­children socially, mentally, and physically. They help children ­de-stress, practise teamwork, negotiate, strategise, exercise and improve their physical coordination.

Some games, like congkak, help sharpen their memory and ­mathematical skills.

And like in any game, be it ­modern or traditional, there will always be winners and losers. Children learn to play by the rules, respect their playmates and also the end result of the game.

They learn that to have fun, they must not get upset if they lose or gloat when they win.

Raising another Picasso

It may be dirty and messy but allowing children to dabble in art and craft allows their creativity to grow
theSun, Tue, 07 Jul 2009

I used to dread working with my daughter on art and craft activities, mainly because I disliked having to clean her and the work area after we were done.

Children love creating or making things although very often, they ­create a mess along the way.

We have to give them credit, however, that they do not fear exploring, experimenting and ­getting dirty.

In fact, the dirtier they get, the more fun they seem to have, like getting all covered up in sand when playing in the sand box, or having their hands stained with rainbow colours while finger painting.

It is said that any form of creative activity helps in their development in a number of ways, so I shrugged off the mess with the conclusion that making a mess indicated that her creative juices were flowing.

Simply lay paper over your table and floor and have rags and soap and water on standby. Of course, there’s an easier way where you sign her up in an art programme offered by the many children’s art centres around town.

If you’re willing to forego missing out on the fun and parent-child b­onding opportunity, it is a good alternative as she gets the fun and development, and you don’t have to clean up! She also gets more professional guidance if you doubt your own creative skills.

Whatever your choice may be, whether it’s working with your child at home or sending her to art classes, art and craft activities are beneficial to children.

They provide them with an ­avenue to develop their motor skills, help ­develop their eye-hand coordination, and ­engage their minds to form ideas, execute them and solve problems. They also teach them that following i­nstructions and paying attention to details can be rewarding. They learn that success can be achieved through concentration and perseverance.

When things don’t work out as planned, they learn to think out of the box to find alternative ways to achieve their desired result. They experience a sense of satisfaction upon completing their task, gain self-confidence and develop a better self-image.

Art and craft activities are fun and relaxing, and take the stress and ­monotony out of the daily grind of school and homework.

I see that with my daughter who attends an art and craft class weekly. On those days, she is perky and literally hops, skips and jumps right after class. It also gives us parents some peace and quiet if the children are able to work on an activity on their own.

At art classes, there could be group projects and this gives your child the opportunity to interact socially with her peers. She can learn to share her ideas and materials, how to ­cooperate, compromise and work in a team. These activities help her to express her thoughts and feelings, give and receive feedback and comments.

Also, if your child shows further interest in a specific art or craft activity, it could become a long-term hobby or career she enjoys. By then, she would certainly know how to clean up after herself if she makes a mess.

Setting up playdates

theSun, Tue, 23 Jun 2009

CHILDREN nowadays have such a hectic and structured lifestyle that every activity requires scheduling. Even for them to play together, we have to make appointments or what we call ‘playdates’.

According to Wikipedia, “playdates have become the standard for children of many western cultures because the work schedules for busy parents, along with media warnings about leaving children unattended, prevent the kind of play that children of other generations participated in”.

That also rings true for us here in Malaysia.

Wikipedia also states that “playdates are a late 20th century innovation. With young children, most parents stay for a playdate and use that time to form their own friendships and parental alliances”.

During my time, our parents formed their own friendships and alliances ­separately from our playtime!
I have a friend of 35 years and we used to walk in and out of each other’s house freely those days. It helped that she lived two doors away.

Our daughters are friends too now, but we have to make appointments for them to play together, and for us to meet up at the same time.

While during our time we were left to our own devices to cook instant noodles outdoors with matches and sticks, we now consciously plan, monitor and lead them through activities like baking or ­craftwork.

What else do we consciously do this 21st century to ensure what we think is a “successful” playdate?
We ask our child which friends she wants to play with. If she does not ­indicate her choice, we would suggest friends we think she likes, like those from school, family friends and relatives.

The playmates may or may not be of the same age as there could be some ­advantages to this arrangement. Older children tend to play “big sister or ­brother” to the younger ones, helping them and showing good examples.

Make sure you check with the child’s parents about food preferences or ­allergies to ensure snack or meal times go without a hitch.

Playdates are meant for children to develop their social skills and minimise anti-social activities like watching TV, or playing computer games.

Ensure that your child knows that her friends are her guests and she should make them feel welcome and share her toys with them.

If she has a favourite toy you think she may not want to share, put it away before the guest arrives. If a squabble breaks out, let them resolve it themselves unless it escalates to heated confrontation.

Explain to them why they should not fight verbally or physically. Help them compromise or introduce a new activity.

Near the end of the playdate, remind them of the time to avoid a tearful ­goodbye if they had a good time together and refuse to part.

If you foresee that happening, end the playdate outside the house. Drive your guest home or meet the child’s parents at a playground or somewhere else to spare them the agony of dragging their ­screaming child out of your house.

If the child made anything like ­drawings or cookies, let her take it home. She would be excited to show her ­creation to her parents and ease the goodbye process.

Stay-at-home holiday

theSun, Tue, 9 June 2009


IT’S the school holidays right now for Malaysian schools and most parents are wondering what to do with their children.

Going on a trip out of town is usually an option but with the current influenza A(H1N1) scare, we may want to avoid overseas travel.

And if you are a last-minute planner like me, or are unable to get time off from work, finding ideas to keep the children occupied and out of mischief at home seems like the only thing left to do.

This is the time when you need to be resourceful. You may not be making sand castles with them at a beach resort or going on a safari in the African plains but you can still have fun right at home or in your neighbourhood.

The key to this is letting your imagination run wild and making some simple preparations beforehand.

Think of activities and games that you had fun with when you were a child and re-live them with your children.

Children nowadays are into computer games, Nintendos and gameboys but back in my day, we played ‘five stones’, hopscotch and board games.

Dust off the old Monopoly set for some family fun or teach them how to make a kite from scratch.

Do something that you had always wanted to do when you were a child but didn’t get a chance to, like spend a night out camping in your garden with a small campfire barbecue dinner.

Here is a list of activities I have thought of that we could do with our children at home, or without having to travel far.

» Stock up on new jigsaw puzzles, activity books, storybooks before the holidays so that they come in handy when the children are bored.

» Check your local newspaper for activities around town that cater to schoolchildren. Some malls, museums, galleries, science centre or parks have special programmes lined up in conjunction with the school holidays. And they could even be free of charge.

» Have a breakfast or tea picnic in your backyard or garden on a cool morning or evening.

Get them to help prepare simple yet healthy homemade food such as sandwiches, pizza, burgers, drinks, salad, fresh fruits and pack them all in a cooler or picnic basket.

Find the perfect spot in yourgarden, spread the food out on a mat and start your picnic party.

» Bring the children along when you run errands or do grocery shopping so that they can learn about things at the bank or post office as well as make healthy choices for food, cooking, and how to manage money.

» Start them on a new hobby, sport or craft such as making scrapbooks, learning to ride a bike, play chess, cross stitch, swimming or gardening for example.

» Give them a notebook or journal. Encourage them to write stories or document their daily life.

This way, they can improve their communication skills, handwriting, creative thinking and writing skills.

They can also add colour and illustrations by drawing, colouring or sketching inside their books.

» Last but not least, the school holiday is a good time to create awareness among children about the underprivileged in society.

Visit homes for children, old folk or the disabled with your children, join their fundraisers and projects or offer your services – and your children’s – as a volunteer.

This way, they will learn to appreciate what they have a little bit more.

Handling exam fever

Some parents are as nervous as – if not more than – their children when it comes to facing tests
theSun, Tue, 26 May 2009

THERE are indeed ­parents, yours truly ­included, who feel and act as if they are the ones taking exams instead of their children.

While it is good that ­parents remind their children to be well prepared, there is a need to be conscious of the line between encouraging and nagging; ­between sharing the importance of good grades and demanding they meet your high ­expectations.

Being a first-timer with my child’s school exam, I ­recently got into gear to prepare for the exams much earlier than my daughter.

It’s not surprising since I am the one with 17 or more years’ of examination ­experience while my seven-year-old only knows exams as “a test to see how much you remember and have learnt so far”.

As the days drew ­closer, Mama started harping about doing revision, getting extra workbooks for practice, ­giving tips on the do’s and don’ts when ­answering ­questions, and ­turning every ­conversation with the carefree daughter into mini revision sessions.

Was I ­subconsciously ­thinking that how well my child does in school is a reflection of my parenting skills?

Taking a step back for a ­personal check, I told myself that it is more important for a child to progress academically and morally in the long term than achieving short-term ­success in exams.

It is more valuable for them to learn from the consequences of their actions when they fail to heed your advice to read their textbooks instead of comics. It is also good that they know it is all right to make mistakes and that they can learn from them.

Young children need ­patience, encouragement and support from parents when preparing for exams.

They have shorter attention spans, so break their revision times into shorter ­periods to make it less ­daunting for both parent and child.

Never compare their ­performance with those of ­another ­classmate, as this would put undue ­pressure on them. Not all ­children ­develop at the same pace. Neither are their interests and talents alike.

While it is important to get good grades, especially when they are older and grades are significant for their future, ­perfect exam scores alone do not a successful young adult make.

And what, I need to ask, is my definition of “success”? What are the values, morals, general knowledge and life skills that I want my child to possess? What good is it to be a millionaire but go through life without compassion or ­humility? Can she be a rocket scientist yet possess conversational skills fit for the Queen of England or the regular Joe?

Children, even those as young as five or six I believe, do have some idea of how they should and want to go about things in their lives. When we let go and trust them, we may be surprised at how they come through.

Love them for who they are, and not for how many A’s they score. I may have dreams of my daughter winning the Nobel Prize but if she chooses to be a rock drummer (not that it is more inferior a vocation), that would be great too.

As for taking exams these few early years, I shall be ­mindful not to nag at her to revise, or to check that all her pencils have been sharpened.

When kids fall in love

theSun, Tue, 12 May 2009

Learn to steer your children in the right direction when they tell you about their crushes on their classmates or romantic feelings for the opposite sex

WHEN my daughter was five, she said she ‘loved’ a boy, her classmate. When she grows up, she wants to marry him, she added. Now seven, her interest in boys has re-surfaced with her announcing that she has a crush, not on just one, but two boys!

When I was seven, I did not know that the word "crush" means having romantic feelings toward someone. And my girlfriends and I only got giggly over boys when we were in our teens.

Are children these days getting too far ahead of themselves when it comes to romance and the opposite sex? It is normal for teenagers with raging hormones to develop crushes and start dating but how should we react when our young children fall ‘in love’?

Before you start panicking, remind yourself that she probably picked up the concept of being ‘in love’ from things around her and from the media. After all, Snow White and Cinderella have their Prince Charming while the more contemporary Barbie tales also feature an implied love interest.

Children tend to adopt the adult language of being ‘in love’ when they are simply interested in someone due to certain character traits that they possess, or because they think they would enjoy spending time with them. They actually do not understand the real difference between liking and being ‘in love’.

Create an awareness that liking someone does not necessarily mean ‘love’ of the romantic kind. According to experts, at this age, crushes are not usually acted on as they are just role-playing, and like any other play scenarios, engaging in some simple fantasy.

However, with mini skirts and toy makeup attractively marketed through retail and the media to young children, and with technology making email, online chat and social networking sites available, parents need to be on the alert if they notice their children spending more time and attention on their interest in the opposite sex.

Dr Martha Erickson, a senior fellow and director of the Harris Programmes in the Centre for Early Childhood Education at the University of Minnesota, assures parents that there is no need to be overly concerned when children show interest in the opposite sex at a young age.

However, she adds: "Unfortunately, many of the images of romantic relationships that children see – whether in the media or among real-life adults and teenagers – can fuel some very unhealthy attitudes."

She advises parents to use the opportunity to make it a "teachable moment", guiding their children toward relationships based on genuine respect for self and others.

I had asked my daughter why she likes M, an 11-year-old family friend. Besides her preference for bespectacled boys, she told me it is because she had noticed that he also shares a similar interest.

This is one way of helping children discover what they really like in people. Ask them what they see in their crush, what he likes, what makes him so interesting, if he is kind, helpful or polite, for instance.

Do not shut them out by making dismissive or forbidding statements such as that they are still too young, or that they are strictly not allowed to go out with friends of the opposite sex.

Keeping the lines of communication open and getting them to discuss their daily activities and interests allow you to get a better grasp of their thoughts in order to guide them accordingly.

The write stuff

Cultivating good handwriting skills requires patience and plenty of discipline to get resultstheSun, Tue, 28 Apr 2009

MY daughter’s handwriting is simply too large for my liking. Filling in the blanks in her school workbook gets difficult and messy sometimes because the space provided is not enough for her large handwriting.
A mother once told me she made her children learn to write ‘properly’ by erasing and making them re-write if their handwriting were found to be unsatisfactory.

Is there a so-called ‘best’ way to teach children to have ‘nice’ handwriting? A search on the Internet provided me a better understanding on teaching children the proper technique of handwriting.

Technically, there are three parts of writing a child needs to learn, focusing on one objective at a time – proper letter construction; consistent letter size; and the same tilt throughout the writing.

Start your child by helping him master proper drawing of vertical, horizontal and circular lines and shapes.

According to an expert, circular shapes should begin at the 2 o’clock position, moving up counterclockwise like the letter "c". Shapes like triangles, rectangles and squares, should be drawn using individual lines that meet. Lines should be drawn left to right or top to bottom.

Once they are adept in forming the letters, they can then learn to size them properly using handwriting sheets with guide lines to help them develop uniformity in size.

There should be solid lines at the top and bottom, a dotted line in the middle, and space before the next guide lines. These can be found at many stores selling educational supplies.

To help children space their letters or words, tools such as an ice cream stick, or one or two fingers, can be placed on the paper for uniform spacing. Check the slant of cursive handwriting by drawing a straight line through the centre of each letter from top to bottom. All the lines should be parallel if the slant is uniform.

For younger children who print, this check may not be necessary if their letters are formed correctly.

Regular practice helps children to gradually perfect their formation and maintain uniformity of the size of the letters.

When I was in school, I remember handwriting was taught as a subject. One exercise book labelled "Tulisan" (handwriting) was allocated specifically for us to practise drawing lines and shapes, and printing letters and words in their correct form, size and spacing.

These days, children are taught handwriting much earlier in pre-school. The degree of importance placed in the teaching of handwriting, however, differs from school to school.

Some schools consciously provide adequate practice like what I received in primary school but I feel some do not emphasise it enough.

Now, when children start primary school, handwriting is no longer taught as a subject as they are expected to have learnt it in pre-school. Unless their handwriting is utterly atrocious, the teacher seldom scrutinises the child’s handwriting, paying more attention to the teaching of core subjects such as math, science, and languages.

It is not whether teaching handwriting should be done at pre-school or primary school that is the issue here. It is the level of awareness of its importance that we should ponder on.

Watch the video at www.teachers.tv/video/24021, where in France, the teaching of handwriting is backed by an educational philosophy that encompasses all creative subjects. The French believe that equipping children with the ability to write will free their minds to perform creatively throughout their lives.

Curb that s-word

Take steps to stop and correct children from using expletives right from the start
theSun, Tue, 14 Apr 2009

WHEN you least expect it, your child comes home from school one day and utters a swear word.
Many parents have found themselves in this predicament since time immemorial.

It was my turn recently when my seven-year-old said a swear word. This led me to finding out how that word found its way into her vocabulary and how best I should tackle the situation if it happened again.

I discovered that she learnt it from a classmate but did not know its meaning.

Before we lash out with a ­torrent of swear words ourselves or inflict any form of punishment in ­reprimanding our ­children for swearing, we must ­remember that we are their role ­models.

If parents or other adults in the ­household swear, the children will very quickly and easily pick up these words.

Young children not only pick up words but also the feelings that come with them when they are used. They observe and learn how you look and act when using those words, so the next time they are angry, they will also use the same words you used when angry.

According to a tip I read in the ­Internet, do not encourage the child to think it is funny or interesting. If you laugh when he says a swear word, he will pick up your feelings and think you find it pleasing.

As a result, he will very likely say it again, as he wants to please his parents more than anything else.

On the flip side, if you react with anger, he may use it again when he is upset with you in some way and wants you to know about it.

You could tell him firmly: “We don’t use that word in our family and I don’t want to hear it again,” and then ­ignore it and do not respond if he says it again.

Fortunately for me, I was driving when my child pulled that shocking ­surprise on me and could only react with a “What did you just say?”

I kept my cool and told her it is not a nice word to use, explaining to her that if she didn’t know the meaning, she should not use it.

Set a rule that everyone in the family must know the meaning of a word in order to say it, and they must mean what that word represents.

If your child says a swear word when he is angry or upset, focus on helping him express his feelings using words he understands and means, instead of ­fussing over the swear word itself.

Explain to him the meaning of the swear word and that it is wrong and rude to use it, and it may hurt the feelings of others.

Some children use these words to get attention or to show off, thinking that it is a ‘cool’ thing to do. Find out the reasons why your child swears, if he is under any stress, is crying out for attention or just wants to fit in with his ‘cool’ peers.

Explain to him that it is not ­necessary to swear to gain friends and be ‘cool’. In fact, swearing is not a smart thing to do as it reflects one’s lack of knowledge in using proper words.

Finally, be in tune with your child’s activities and feelings. A child who has a balanced lifestyle and access to open communication and love from parents is more likely to understand that it is not necessary or good to swear and that swearing is simply not ‘cool’.

Organising toys

theSun, Tues 31 Mar

When children come into your life, they not only take up your time and energy but they take up lots of space as well! There’s the baby cot, changing table, clothes and diaper storage bins, cupboards, playpen, pram, car seat, other rather bulky necessities, books and of course, toys! As they grow, they accumulate toys very quickly and that’s when our nightmare begins. Every corner we turn, we trip over a doll or get poked on our bare soles by a gun-toting toy soldier. Containing all those pieces of building blocks, teapots and teacups, jigsaw puzzles, stuffed toys and mini figurines in one place is an everyday challenge.
For starters, if you are not able to spare a room and turn it into a playroom, designate a suitable section or corner in your home as your child’s play area. Get boxes or bins with lids and categorise them with labels such as “blocks”, “dolls”, or “cars”. For children who have yet to learn how to read, use picture stickers to denote the items those boxes contain. Teach your child to tidy up his toys according to their categories, and to keep those he doesn’t want to play with anymore before taking out a new set of toys. Sorting and labeling helps your child find and put away toys more easily.
Weed out those that are broken and if they can be fixed, do so when you are free. Put them aside with the forgotten and less-frequently-played toys and rotate them with toys that he gets bored with in future. Some could also be given away to friends and relatives or donated to charity. Giving away toys to less fortunate children is a valuable lesson for a child to learn.
Create mini play sections within the room or space. The box of cooking toys could be placed next to the kitchen set, art and craft items in boxes or shelves nearer to a worktable or easel, and role-playing costumes next to a mirror for example. Place some hooks at a suitable height along a wall to hang bags and pouches to keep other small toys such as stuffed animals, hats, and costumes.
Sturdy shelving units also help get toys off the floor and minimise clutter. They can be used to keep some of his larger, favourite and most-frequently-played-with toys so that they are within reach and sight. Small side tables or sideboards also help in providing counter-top space for toys that need to be displayed for ease of playing such as doll houses and train sets.
Decorate the playroom in his favourite colours, pin up some of his drawings, hang posters of his favourite cartoon characters or superheroes. Making the room or play area a place to call his own would make him more likely to care for it and keep it tidy.
Organising your child’s toys takes some planning and lots of patience. The effort, however, will be rewarded as you begin to see less clutter around the house and more importantly, your child learning organising skills and developing a sense of responsibility.

Dealing with name-calling

Tue, 17 Mar 2009
Teasing is common among schoolchildren but this does not mean they should be taken lightly or ignored


Children who tease and call others names may have picked up the bad habit from those around them.

MY daughter came home from school one day complaining about a classmate who called her names. Name-calling and teasing are common among schoolchildren but this does not mean they should be taken lightly or ignored.

Frequent name-calling, insulting or negative labeling will have undesirable effects on children. It will affect their personality development and lower the child’s self worth, esteem and confidence.

When a child’s sense of self has yet to fully develop, calling a child names and labeling him "stupid" for instance, may cause the child to believe that he is so. The child will then tend to act or behave in a manner that is consistent with that negative self-image.

How do we help a child handle such situations? In her book, My Name is Not Dummy, Elizabeth Crary, a parent educator with over 20 years’ experience, provides ideas on how to help a child overcome the problem. Here are a few.

» Ignore it – tell your child to completely ignore the unkind words and the person who says it. Do not glance in his direction, and talk with another student or read instead. Appear calm and unfazed. Usually, the teaser will lose interest and stop if he does not receive any response.

» Do the unexpected – when teasers don’t get the reaction they are looking for, they will tend to stop. For example, if a girl named Lizzie is being called "Dizzy Lizzie", she can turn around and say, "My full name is Elizabeth. Got any rhymes for that?" or "Do you have one that goes with Edward? He’s my brother."

» Ask for help – if a child has run out of ways for dealing with the problem on her own, then it is appropriate to ask an adult for help. In the above example, Lizzie might approach her teacher for help.

Lizzie’s parents can also help by affirming that she is not what they call her. They can ask, "Are you dizzy? If those kids say so, does that mean it’s true?" Help her differentiate fact from teasing words and understand that what people say of her is not necessarily right or true.

Children who tease and call others names may have picked up the bad habit from people around them such as family members, or through unsupervised television viewing.

The whole family needs to practise respect toward each other at all times. Set good examples and turn negative descriptions around by being careful with your choice of words.

For example, instead of "messy", use the word "tidy" or turn "mean" into "kind". Your words then change from "Don’t be mean to your sister" to "Please be kind to your sister".

Explain to them why name-calling is wrong, that it makes people unhappy when they do that. Ask them to imagine how they would feel if others called them names.

Certain children’s programmes on television compromise proper choice of words in their script for the sake of entertainment.

It may be funny when one cartoon character yells "Stupid!" or "You’re such a nerd!" but the odds are that the child will also use these words and think it is funny the next time he gets a chance to do so.

Be careful with what your child is exposed to and guide them in the right way when they encounter negative influence.

Music to child’s ears

The choice of a musical instrument should rest on the one who has to learn to play it
theSun, Tues 3 Mar 2009

MUSIC education is a wonderful gift to give your child. Not only does music help a child in developing her creativity and ability to express, it also helps develop confidence and cognitive skills for better performance in math and science.
When choosing an instrument for your child, be aware that it should be an instrument of his or her choice and not yours.

Be conscious of the reasons behind the choice of instrument. Did you choose it because you personally like how it sounds, or would have liked to play it but did not get the opportunity to when you were young, for instance?

While you may influence her a little, it should ultimately be one that she likes because after all, she will be the one learning and practising on it. A child would be more interested and committed to learning and practising an instrument that she is excited about.

Before deciding on one, show her the different types of instruments from the main categories of strings, brass, percussion and wind so that she can see and know what they look and sound like.

We are all drawn to how an instrument sounds and how it is played and so are children. Listen to music played by orchestras, bands and solo instruments, be it from CDs or at live performances. Discuss with her what you saw and heard, and how the instruments were played in different styles and pieces.

Consider her physical attributes, as some instruments may not be physically compatible. A petite child may not be able to carry a large cello case by herself, let alone play the instrument.

Some wind instruments require suitable lip structure or facial strength to play while others can only be properly played if you have adult teeth. Other instruments may require larger hands and more developed motor skills or dexterity.

Consider your budget for buying the instrument and paying for lessons. If you are not sure your child is committed, consider borrowing or renting first.

When buying, consider one of average quality that serves the purpose rather than splurge on a top-of-the-line or concert model. You can always upgrade later when your child shows more commitment and has made progress.

Playing a musical instrument should be fun and pleasurable. Find out what kind of music interests your child and if she prefers to play alone or in a group like a band or orchestra.

It is no use forcing her to learn the violin and play classical pieces when she enjoys making rocking rhythm on the drums more.

If you can, get a professional or a teacher of the instrument she is interested in to assess if she can be taught to play it considering her age, size and aptitude.

Finally, do not fall into the trap of stereotyping. There is no rule that says every child must start with the piano or violin, or if a particular instrument is more suited for a boy or girl.


Anna sometimes gets tired of defending the fact that it is all right for a girl to learn the drums at age four-plus. Her parenting articles here are compiled in http://youmekids.blogspot.com.

Sen & sensibility

Teach your children about the value of money now and they won’t pay the price later in life
theSun, Tue, 17 Feb 2009

MY daughter is at the age where she expresses her desires very boldly and, mind you, it is a long wish-list of toys, pets and stuff that children her age are attracted to. Her friends and cousins have the funkiest toys and she wants them too, she says.
We all want to give our children the best, but where is the line between nurturing and spoiling them?

We need to understand that, first, children want to be part of their peer group. When they get together, they will chatter excitedly about the latest Pokémon cartoon or play their latest Nintendo game.

If your child has not seen the latest Pokémon DVD or does not own a Nintendo, she/he would feel left out and on the sidelines, listening silently or watching others play.

Parents who object to certain children’s toys or entertainment, and those who have only a limited budget, would find themselves in a bind when their children start comparing themselves with their peers.

We need to help our children understand that money does not grow on trees as is popularly said. But how do we teach and remind them about the value of money?

My daughter’s initial idea about money was that it comes from mummy’s purse, daddy’s wallet or the bank.

We explained that we need to work hard to earn it before it gets into the bank or wallet, and the amount is limited so we cannot buy anything and everything we want.

Help your child to be aware of the difference between a ‘need’ and a ‘want’.

Pre-school and primary school children are normally inclined towards noble ideas and practices.

For example, my daughter learnt in school that food must not be wasted as there are others who do not have enough to eat. She is now able to raise the point when she notices food being wasted.

Likewise, encourage them to think and discuss why the latest toys or branded clothes are so important to them. What is it about those things that is so good in their eyes?

Help them think about how other children from less fortunate families would feel without them. Share with them that it is not what they have or wear but who they are that is important.

Draw parallels between the cost of essential items the family needs and the things she wants to buy. She might then realise how much those ‘funky toys’ actually cost.

When shopping with my daughter, I sometimes show her the price tags and help her make comparisons between toys.

She knows her numbers well enough to be able to tell that the one with the two-digit price tag costs less than the three-digit one.

I helped her set up three coin boxes labelled "Spend", "Save" and "Give". She ‘earns’ her coins on completing certain tasks and when she behaves.

She then has to divide her coins equally and knows that she can only buy things she wants using money from "Spend" while "Save" is for keeps and "Give" is for helping the less fortunate.

She has been very eager in using the money from "Spend". However, she recently learnt that it takes time and effort to get what she wants when she picked an expensive toy which her "Spend" money could not match.

Another way to help children understand money better is to be an example to them.

As we all know, children learn by copying adults. If we simply buy designer labels because we ‘want’ and not ‘need’, what values are we modelling for our children?

What about trying to keep up with the Joneses by throwing lavish birthday parties or going on luxurious overseas holidays?

Explain to your child why you cannot always copy others and be creative in making the party or holiday fun and enjoyable while keeping costs down.

Help her see that the money saved can be used to buy other things, or given to charity.

Cultivating a reader

Take the necessary time and steps to teach your child to love the written word
theSun, Tue, 03 Feb 2009


I FEEL blessed that my daughter loves to read although, at times, too excessively. Some parents and friends tell me it’s better she reads excessively rather than like their children who prefer not to or are slow in picking up the habit.
I don’t profess to be an expert here but I would like to share what I have done to cultivate this love for books in my child.

Start them young

I started reading to my daughter even before she was born. I read that talking to your unborn child would help your child bond faster with you as babies can recognise their mother’s voice the minute they are born. Since I love to read, I used that to ‘talk’ to her when I ran out of things to say.

When she was a newborn, I continued to read to her as part of the bonding process. The reading sessions became more exciting with different voice tones, funny noises, gestures and actions as she grew into a toddler and pre-schooler.

Get them involved

Read ‘with’ them instead of ‘to’ them. As my daughter grew older and could understand more words, reading became a fun joint-activity.

We pointed out pictures, got her to turn the pages, lift the flaps, and answered her questions. We frequented bookstores together and I let her choose her own books.

Get creative

Children love surprises and new things. My husband and I sometimes add different characters or change the plot of her favourite story to make it more exciting.

We also create totally new stories of our own using familiar characters from some of the books we had read together. We encourage her to create her own stories, writing it down as she narrated so we could read them again in future. We also encouraged her to illustrate her stories.

Be an example

Children are copycats. If you are polite, they will be polite. Read and they will too. It was easier for us to set an example since my husband and I both enjoy reading.

Let them see you read. Share with them what you are reading if it is age-appropriate. It could be an interesting piece of news with a picture in the newspaper or magazine, a humorous story from your book or even a comic strip.

Provide variety

Expose them to books of various themes and topics such as adventure, humour, educational, animals, the human body, activity books … the list goes on.

Children are curious and love to explore new things, including books. Keep them motivated with variety so they do not get bored.

Indulge their interest

Do not curb their interest on subjects that you may think is not interesting or suitable, as long as the contents are not harmful and you are there to guide them.

There is nothing wrong, for instance, for your child to read about the art of tattoo. It is good general knowledge although that has been overshadowed by its negative connotations to street gangs and extreme behaviour. That is where your guidance steps in.

Balance is the key

The rampant growth of computer video games has become a worry for parents
theSun,Tue, 13 Jan 2009

COMPUTER and video gaming has become one of the top pasttimes among children these days, which has resulted in constant conflicting views among the gaming industry, researchers, educators and parents - mainly about the pros and cons.

There are many games and activities that are educational, that help children learn and develop. They complement what a child learns in school in an interactive and fun way. I guess that is why some refer to it as ‘edutainment’.

Besides complementing lessons in school, games which are developed for specific purposes such as teaching proper values and inculcating good habits can be beneficial. Games with elements of violence, profanity and sex, however, should be avoided at all costs.

If uncontrolled and unsupervised, children could indulge in computer and video games excessively. Some games are so engaging that they become addictive and this could affect their health. This is especially true when they snack on junk food while playing, forgoing physical exercise, social and outdoor activities.

The gaming industry, however, has somewhat compensated for this by developing games that require actual physical movement such as dancing, tennis, golf, and bowling.

A popular one is the Nintendo Wii, which provides a handheld device like a TV remote control (cleverly named the Wii-mote!) which works using motion-sensor technology.

When playing tennis for example, you need to literally swing the Wii-mote like how you would a racquet, or for younger children, you need to physically hop or jump over a puddle you see on the screen to earn points.

But too much screen time could still affect a child’s vision. With the child’s eyes focused on the screen with less blinking, this could result in tiredness, irritation and dryness of the eyes. As a result, the eyes may have difficulty focusing, causing blurry vision, fatigue and headaches.

A Japanese researcher, Professor Ryuta Kawashima, revealed that his study using computer imaging of brain activity of children playing Nintendo games proves that they only used parts of the brain that involved vision and movement.

Meanwhile, children who were given an arithmetic exercise adding single-digit numbers continuously for 30 minutes showed brain activity throughout both left and right hemispheres of their frontal lobe, the areas associated with learning, memory, emotion and impulse control.

The gaming industry, of course, disagreed with his findings, saying that the focus of the study is too limited. What about passive TV-viewing, which was not in his scope of study, that used even less of the brain?

It is a fact that we as parents would have a hard time too in getting our children to choose some boring arithmetic activity over something that is truly fun like the Nintendo.

In my opinion, computer gaming, like everything else, is good when pursued in moderation. We should neither give free reign to, nor ban children from computer and video games. It is a positive experience when used with proper control and guidance but could cause problems with excessive use or misuse.

Completely disallowing would also have its repercussions as forbidden fruit could be most tempting and sweet. Parents must find a right balance.

Anna is ‘depriving’ her daughter of Nintendo, much to the girl’s disappointment, as she thinks online and CD-rom games are more than enough for now. Her parenting articles for theSun can be found in http://youmekids.blogspot.com.