Moving Pains

There are ways to cope with the stress of the shift to a new home
theSun, Tues 18 Nov 2008

RIGHT now, my daughter is very excited about our impending move to a new home. To her, a new home means the realisation of her dream of having a pet dog and a playroom. While adults are fully aware of what is involved and how to cope physically and emotionally with the move, children’s reaction depends on their age and personality.

All the packing and sorting create some confusion and disorder in the household. They could sap our energy and inadvertently cause us to pay less attention to our children. Tempers could fl are more easily and we could become impatient amidst the chaos. If we adults feel stress and anxiety with encountering too many new and different things, what more the children?

Babies and toddlers are especially sensitive to the changes in their environment, including our stress and anxiety. Try to keep their routine as normal as possible with regular meals, naps, baths and play times. While we may be busy, we need to continue spending time playing or reading with them. This gives us a break too and helps our children feel secure.

If you are moving within the neighbourhood, the change may not affect the children too badly as they could continue going to the same school, playground and shops. Their daily activities and encounters remain somewhat unchanged. The minor changes could involve familiarising themselves with a new route to school or re-learning certain household rules.

Moving further away to a different state or country, however, would mean a complete and drastic change. Coping with the physical move and emotional confusion could lead to temporary behavioural problems among children. They could feel a sense of loss as they have to leave things, places, relatives and friends behind.

Going to a new school and making new friends is a stressful experience. Depending on the child’s age, he may not understand everything that is going on and become more attention-seeking or vulnerable to tears and tantrums; or he could become rude, stubborn or disobedient, resenting you for unsettling his comfort zone.

While it is impossible to bring their best friend along, we could comfort them with the idea that they could still stay in touch, write or visit occasionally. If distance permits, start making friends with neighbours and visiting the local library or playground even before your move to allow you and your children time to ease into the new surroundings gradually.

When packing, remember to keep their favourites close at hand. Packing and sealing your toddler’s favourite teddy in a box would be a big mistake. Get the older children involved in developing checklists, sorting, packing and unpacking, and in simple decisions for the new home such as the colour of their rooms, where they would like their toys and books to be kept.

The general idea is to minimise the disruptions to their daily routines and activities and ease them into the new home and surroundings. Continuity helps them settle down better. Share with them how certain things could be different for them and prepare them with what to expect. Tell them that it is all right to feel anxious or afraid and that you are with them. Help them see the benefi ts of the move and remember to have fun. With children, we won’t go wrong when we include fun and love in everything we do with them.