theSun, Tue, 12 May 2009
Learn to steer your children in the right direction when they tell you about their crushes on their classmates or romantic feelings for the opposite sex
WHEN my daughter was five, she said she ‘loved’ a boy, her classmate. When she grows up, she wants to marry him, she added. Now seven, her interest in boys has re-surfaced with her announcing that she has a crush, not on just one, but two boys!
When I was seven, I did not know that the word "crush" means having romantic feelings toward someone. And my girlfriends and I only got giggly over boys when we were in our teens.
Are children these days getting too far ahead of themselves when it comes to romance and the opposite sex? It is normal for teenagers with raging hormones to develop crushes and start dating but how should we react when our young children fall ‘in love’?
Before you start panicking, remind yourself that she probably picked up the concept of being ‘in love’ from things around her and from the media. After all, Snow White and Cinderella have their Prince Charming while the more contemporary Barbie tales also feature an implied love interest.
Children tend to adopt the adult language of being ‘in love’ when they are simply interested in someone due to certain character traits that they possess, or because they think they would enjoy spending time with them. They actually do not understand the real difference between liking and being ‘in love’.
Create an awareness that liking someone does not necessarily mean ‘love’ of the romantic kind. According to experts, at this age, crushes are not usually acted on as they are just role-playing, and like any other play scenarios, engaging in some simple fantasy.
However, with mini skirts and toy makeup attractively marketed through retail and the media to young children, and with technology making email, online chat and social networking sites available, parents need to be on the alert if they notice their children spending more time and attention on their interest in the opposite sex.
Dr Martha Erickson, a senior fellow and director of the Harris Programmes in the Centre for Early Childhood Education at the University of Minnesota, assures parents that there is no need to be overly concerned when children show interest in the opposite sex at a young age.
However, she adds: "Unfortunately, many of the images of romantic relationships that children see – whether in the media or among real-life adults and teenagers – can fuel some very unhealthy attitudes."
She advises parents to use the opportunity to make it a "teachable moment", guiding their children toward relationships based on genuine respect for self and others.
I had asked my daughter why she likes M, an 11-year-old family friend. Besides her preference for bespectacled boys, she told me it is because she had noticed that he also shares a similar interest.
This is one way of helping children discover what they really like in people. Ask them what they see in their crush, what he likes, what makes him so interesting, if he is kind, helpful or polite, for instance.
Do not shut them out by making dismissive or forbidding statements such as that they are still too young, or that they are strictly not allowed to go out with friends of the opposite sex.
Keeping the lines of communication open and getting them to discuss their daily activities and interests allow you to get a better grasp of their thoughts in order to guide them accordingly.
No comments:
Post a Comment