Setting up playdates

theSun, Tue, 23 Jun 2009

CHILDREN nowadays have such a hectic and structured lifestyle that every activity requires scheduling. Even for them to play together, we have to make appointments or what we call ‘playdates’.

According to Wikipedia, “playdates have become the standard for children of many western cultures because the work schedules for busy parents, along with media warnings about leaving children unattended, prevent the kind of play that children of other generations participated in”.

That also rings true for us here in Malaysia.

Wikipedia also states that “playdates are a late 20th century innovation. With young children, most parents stay for a playdate and use that time to form their own friendships and parental alliances”.

During my time, our parents formed their own friendships and alliances ­separately from our playtime!
I have a friend of 35 years and we used to walk in and out of each other’s house freely those days. It helped that she lived two doors away.

Our daughters are friends too now, but we have to make appointments for them to play together, and for us to meet up at the same time.

While during our time we were left to our own devices to cook instant noodles outdoors with matches and sticks, we now consciously plan, monitor and lead them through activities like baking or ­craftwork.

What else do we consciously do this 21st century to ensure what we think is a “successful” playdate?
We ask our child which friends she wants to play with. If she does not ­indicate her choice, we would suggest friends we think she likes, like those from school, family friends and relatives.

The playmates may or may not be of the same age as there could be some ­advantages to this arrangement. Older children tend to play “big sister or ­brother” to the younger ones, helping them and showing good examples.

Make sure you check with the child’s parents about food preferences or ­allergies to ensure snack or meal times go without a hitch.

Playdates are meant for children to develop their social skills and minimise anti-social activities like watching TV, or playing computer games.

Ensure that your child knows that her friends are her guests and she should make them feel welcome and share her toys with them.

If she has a favourite toy you think she may not want to share, put it away before the guest arrives. If a squabble breaks out, let them resolve it themselves unless it escalates to heated confrontation.

Explain to them why they should not fight verbally or physically. Help them compromise or introduce a new activity.

Near the end of the playdate, remind them of the time to avoid a tearful ­goodbye if they had a good time together and refuse to part.

If you foresee that happening, end the playdate outside the house. Drive your guest home or meet the child’s parents at a playground or somewhere else to spare them the agony of dragging their ­screaming child out of your house.

If the child made anything like ­drawings or cookies, let her take it home. She would be excited to show her ­creation to her parents and ease the goodbye process.