Me, me and mine

An only child must learn that the world does not revolve around him/her alone
theSun, Tue, 29 Sep 2009

My daughter is good at talking and seems to have answers for everything. Most times, she presents rather convincing arguments for her ideas and decisions and expects to get what she wants.
Could it be because she is an only child and is used to getting everyone’s full attention?

Children in single-child families usually have their parents all to themselves and they do not face any competition for attention. It is important, therefore, that parents draw the line from the beginning and set limits.

With positive parenting, the child can turn out to become a well-adjusted and sensible adult. Not everyone who is an only child is spoiled, domineering, and selfish, as most people tend to generalise.

As a parent of an only child, I need to be aware of the situations and experiences unique to her, and manage them well as she encounters it.

The only child receives full attention from his/her parents who can become over-protective and over-indulgent.

Encouraging the child to explore his/her own opinions and to learn from the outcome of the decisions helps to build self-confidence.

However, he/she must learn that expressing and thinking independently does not mean that he/she is right or will get what he/she wants all the time.

An only child grows up in a household of adults and has less interaction with peers compared to children with siblings. Children with siblings are naturally exposed to situations that teach them to compromise, give in and take turns.

Create avenues for your only child to develop his/her social interaction skills. Set up playdates with other children or spend time with families with more than one child. Get the child to join you or others in helping the community so that the focus will be away from him/her. Involve the child in team-based activities.

When such children see the situations and people around them, they will have less need for people to pay attention to them. They learn to realise that their wants may not be as important as what someone less fortunate needs. They see that they have to play by the team’s rules if they want to be part of the group.

Our expectations of our only child should be realistic. Allow these children to be themselves and provide them space to develop their personal interests. And when they show an interest in something, support and encourage them but remember not to be over-enthusiastic.

Carolyn White, author of The Seven Common Sins of Parenting an Only Child, writes: "Only-child parents are quick to think that if their bright child shows an interest in art, music, ballet or basket-weaving, it’s necessary to call in the big guns. They find their child the best piano teacher in the city or spend hours in museums.

"It’s not enough for their child to have interests and explore them in a casual way. Parents of only child must curb their enthusiasm for trying to make their child older than she/he is ….

"Remind yourself of your child’s chronological age, and try not to be flattered when other adults say, ‘Oh, Jerzey is only 10? He seems so much older.’ It’s not necessarily a compliment."

Provide an environment for your only child to grow up among his/her peers as much as possible so that he/she does not feel lonely.

When recalling their childhood, many only children said they did not miss having siblings simply because they were provided opportunities to develop friendships with other children in their neighbourhood, school, and extended family.