Taking the biting out

Instead of punishing the child who likes to bite others, try to find out what drives the child to do it
theSun, Tues, 28 Sept 2010

Your toddler returns from nursery school one day with a bite mark. Your first thought as a protective mother is to find out which brat did that to your precious one and probably give that child a taste of his or her own medicine.

Many of us parents have surely encountered such an experience, either with our child being the victim or more embarrassingly, the biter.

Biting the culprit back, according to experts, is definitely not the remedy.

We should never allow our child to seek revenge because if we do, it tells them that biting or violence is an acceptable way to resolve problems.

What is paramount is to learn why children bite.

You must understand that it is natural for children to do so. When they start teething, they bite to find relief from the discomfort of swelling and tender gums.

They will sink their teeth into anything from toys, the spoon they are eating from, or your finger.

Nursing mothers will share their painful tales too as the young ones are unable to differentiate between biting an object or a person.

Children love to explore. They do it by smelling, touching, hearing and tasting. Biting is another way. They are discovering cause and effect.

They sometimes bite to find out what will happen, and are not aware that it hurts someone when they bite them.

Some children bite to gain attention and get what they want. When they tussle for a toy, one child might bite the other to gain power over the toy, or to chase the other child away.

Children learn by imitating. They see others biting and may want to try it out. When they get bitten and lose the tussle for the toy they want, they might just bite back in self-defence, or use this tactic the next time they get into a similar situation.

Parents and caregivers need to respond calmly but quickly when a child bites another. Comfort the victim and attend to the wound. Then be firm with the biter, telling him sternly that she/he must not bite and that it hurts the other child.

Separate them and give them different activities to do.

If they are fighting over a toy, you may want to distract one of them with another interesting toy or activity if they are still too young to understand the concept of sharing.

When they have learnt to share, remember to praise them specifically for their behaviour. Children love to be praised and will be encouraged to continue practising the good habit when you tell them how proud you are of them.

As they have yet to develop the skills to fully express their feelings and needs, children sometimes resort to biting, hitting, kicking or pushing to express their anger and frustration.

Encourage them to use words to express their feelings. Talk to them and help them use the correct words. Tell them firmly that it is wrong to bite and teach them to say: "I’m angry, I want that toy" or to go to you or their caregiver immediately when they get into such situations.

This could minimise the chances of them biting out of frustration, anger or in self-defence.