Some parents are as nervous as – if not more than – their children when it comes to facing tests
theSun, Tue, 26 May 2009
THERE are indeed parents, yours truly included, who feel and act as if they are the ones taking exams instead of their children.
While it is good that parents remind their children to be well prepared, there is a need to be conscious of the line between encouraging and nagging; between sharing the importance of good grades and demanding they meet your high expectations.
Being a first-timer with my child’s school exam, I recently got into gear to prepare for the exams much earlier than my daughter.
It’s not surprising since I am the one with 17 or more years’ of examination experience while my seven-year-old only knows exams as “a test to see how much you remember and have learnt so far”.
As the days drew closer, Mama started harping about doing revision, getting extra workbooks for practice, giving tips on the do’s and don’ts when answering questions, and turning every conversation with the carefree daughter into mini revision sessions.
Was I subconsciously thinking that how well my child does in school is a reflection of my parenting skills?
Taking a step back for a personal check, I told myself that it is more important for a child to progress academically and morally in the long term than achieving short-term success in exams.
It is more valuable for them to learn from the consequences of their actions when they fail to heed your advice to read their textbooks instead of comics. It is also good that they know it is all right to make mistakes and that they can learn from them.
Young children need patience, encouragement and support from parents when preparing for exams.
They have shorter attention spans, so break their revision times into shorter periods to make it less daunting for both parent and child.
Never compare their performance with those of another classmate, as this would put undue pressure on them. Not all children develop at the same pace. Neither are their interests and talents alike.
While it is important to get good grades, especially when they are older and grades are significant for their future, perfect exam scores alone do not a successful young adult make.
And what, I need to ask, is my definition of “success”? What are the values, morals, general knowledge and life skills that I want my child to possess? What good is it to be a millionaire but go through life without compassion or humility? Can she be a rocket scientist yet possess conversational skills fit for the Queen of England or the regular Joe?
Children, even those as young as five or six I believe, do have some idea of how they should and want to go about things in their lives. When we let go and trust them, we may be surprised at how they come through.
Love them for who they are, and not for how many A’s they score. I may have dreams of my daughter winning the Nobel Prize but if she chooses to be a rock drummer (not that it is more inferior a vocation), that would be great too.
As for taking exams these few early years, I shall be mindful not to nag at her to revise, or to check that all her pencils have been sharpened.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
When kids fall in love
theSun, Tue, 12 May 2009
Learn to steer your children in the right direction when they tell you about their crushes on their classmates or romantic feelings for the opposite sex
WHEN my daughter was five, she said she ‘loved’ a boy, her classmate. When she grows up, she wants to marry him, she added. Now seven, her interest in boys has re-surfaced with her announcing that she has a crush, not on just one, but two boys!
When I was seven, I did not know that the word "crush" means having romantic feelings toward someone. And my girlfriends and I only got giggly over boys when we were in our teens.
Are children these days getting too far ahead of themselves when it comes to romance and the opposite sex? It is normal for teenagers with raging hormones to develop crushes and start dating but how should we react when our young children fall ‘in love’?
Before you start panicking, remind yourself that she probably picked up the concept of being ‘in love’ from things around her and from the media. After all, Snow White and Cinderella have their Prince Charming while the more contemporary Barbie tales also feature an implied love interest.
Children tend to adopt the adult language of being ‘in love’ when they are simply interested in someone due to certain character traits that they possess, or because they think they would enjoy spending time with them. They actually do not understand the real difference between liking and being ‘in love’.
Create an awareness that liking someone does not necessarily mean ‘love’ of the romantic kind. According to experts, at this age, crushes are not usually acted on as they are just role-playing, and like any other play scenarios, engaging in some simple fantasy.
However, with mini skirts and toy makeup attractively marketed through retail and the media to young children, and with technology making email, online chat and social networking sites available, parents need to be on the alert if they notice their children spending more time and attention on their interest in the opposite sex.
Dr Martha Erickson, a senior fellow and director of the Harris Programmes in the Centre for Early Childhood Education at the University of Minnesota, assures parents that there is no need to be overly concerned when children show interest in the opposite sex at a young age.
However, she adds: "Unfortunately, many of the images of romantic relationships that children see – whether in the media or among real-life adults and teenagers – can fuel some very unhealthy attitudes."
She advises parents to use the opportunity to make it a "teachable moment", guiding their children toward relationships based on genuine respect for self and others.
I had asked my daughter why she likes M, an 11-year-old family friend. Besides her preference for bespectacled boys, she told me it is because she had noticed that he also shares a similar interest.
This is one way of helping children discover what they really like in people. Ask them what they see in their crush, what he likes, what makes him so interesting, if he is kind, helpful or polite, for instance.
Do not shut them out by making dismissive or forbidding statements such as that they are still too young, or that they are strictly not allowed to go out with friends of the opposite sex.
Keeping the lines of communication open and getting them to discuss their daily activities and interests allow you to get a better grasp of their thoughts in order to guide them accordingly.
Learn to steer your children in the right direction when they tell you about their crushes on their classmates or romantic feelings for the opposite sex
WHEN my daughter was five, she said she ‘loved’ a boy, her classmate. When she grows up, she wants to marry him, she added. Now seven, her interest in boys has re-surfaced with her announcing that she has a crush, not on just one, but two boys!
When I was seven, I did not know that the word "crush" means having romantic feelings toward someone. And my girlfriends and I only got giggly over boys when we were in our teens.
Are children these days getting too far ahead of themselves when it comes to romance and the opposite sex? It is normal for teenagers with raging hormones to develop crushes and start dating but how should we react when our young children fall ‘in love’?
Before you start panicking, remind yourself that she probably picked up the concept of being ‘in love’ from things around her and from the media. After all, Snow White and Cinderella have their Prince Charming while the more contemporary Barbie tales also feature an implied love interest.
Children tend to adopt the adult language of being ‘in love’ when they are simply interested in someone due to certain character traits that they possess, or because they think they would enjoy spending time with them. They actually do not understand the real difference between liking and being ‘in love’.
Create an awareness that liking someone does not necessarily mean ‘love’ of the romantic kind. According to experts, at this age, crushes are not usually acted on as they are just role-playing, and like any other play scenarios, engaging in some simple fantasy.
However, with mini skirts and toy makeup attractively marketed through retail and the media to young children, and with technology making email, online chat and social networking sites available, parents need to be on the alert if they notice their children spending more time and attention on their interest in the opposite sex.
Dr Martha Erickson, a senior fellow and director of the Harris Programmes in the Centre for Early Childhood Education at the University of Minnesota, assures parents that there is no need to be overly concerned when children show interest in the opposite sex at a young age.
However, she adds: "Unfortunately, many of the images of romantic relationships that children see – whether in the media or among real-life adults and teenagers – can fuel some very unhealthy attitudes."
She advises parents to use the opportunity to make it a "teachable moment", guiding their children toward relationships based on genuine respect for self and others.
I had asked my daughter why she likes M, an 11-year-old family friend. Besides her preference for bespectacled boys, she told me it is because she had noticed that he also shares a similar interest.
This is one way of helping children discover what they really like in people. Ask them what they see in their crush, what he likes, what makes him so interesting, if he is kind, helpful or polite, for instance.
Do not shut them out by making dismissive or forbidding statements such as that they are still too young, or that they are strictly not allowed to go out with friends of the opposite sex.
Keeping the lines of communication open and getting them to discuss their daily activities and interests allow you to get a better grasp of their thoughts in order to guide them accordingly.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
The write stuff
Cultivating good handwriting skills requires patience and plenty of discipline to get resultstheSun, Tue, 28 Apr 2009
MY daughter’s handwriting is simply too large for my liking. Filling in the blanks in her school workbook gets difficult and messy sometimes because the space provided is not enough for her large handwriting.
A mother once told me she made her children learn to write ‘properly’ by erasing and making them re-write if their handwriting were found to be unsatisfactory.
Is there a so-called ‘best’ way to teach children to have ‘nice’ handwriting? A search on the Internet provided me a better understanding on teaching children the proper technique of handwriting.
Technically, there are three parts of writing a child needs to learn, focusing on one objective at a time – proper letter construction; consistent letter size; and the same tilt throughout the writing.
Start your child by helping him master proper drawing of vertical, horizontal and circular lines and shapes.
According to an expert, circular shapes should begin at the 2 o’clock position, moving up counterclockwise like the letter "c". Shapes like triangles, rectangles and squares, should be drawn using individual lines that meet. Lines should be drawn left to right or top to bottom.
Once they are adept in forming the letters, they can then learn to size them properly using handwriting sheets with guide lines to help them develop uniformity in size.
There should be solid lines at the top and bottom, a dotted line in the middle, and space before the next guide lines. These can be found at many stores selling educational supplies.
To help children space their letters or words, tools such as an ice cream stick, or one or two fingers, can be placed on the paper for uniform spacing. Check the slant of cursive handwriting by drawing a straight line through the centre of each letter from top to bottom. All the lines should be parallel if the slant is uniform.
For younger children who print, this check may not be necessary if their letters are formed correctly.
Regular practice helps children to gradually perfect their formation and maintain uniformity of the size of the letters.
When I was in school, I remember handwriting was taught as a subject. One exercise book labelled "Tulisan" (handwriting) was allocated specifically for us to practise drawing lines and shapes, and printing letters and words in their correct form, size and spacing.
These days, children are taught handwriting much earlier in pre-school. The degree of importance placed in the teaching of handwriting, however, differs from school to school.
Some schools consciously provide adequate practice like what I received in primary school but I feel some do not emphasise it enough.
Now, when children start primary school, handwriting is no longer taught as a subject as they are expected to have learnt it in pre-school. Unless their handwriting is utterly atrocious, the teacher seldom scrutinises the child’s handwriting, paying more attention to the teaching of core subjects such as math, science, and languages.
It is not whether teaching handwriting should be done at pre-school or primary school that is the issue here. It is the level of awareness of its importance that we should ponder on.
Watch the video at www.teachers.tv/video/24021, where in France, the teaching of handwriting is backed by an educational philosophy that encompasses all creative subjects. The French believe that equipping children with the ability to write will free their minds to perform creatively throughout their lives.
MY daughter’s handwriting is simply too large for my liking. Filling in the blanks in her school workbook gets difficult and messy sometimes because the space provided is not enough for her large handwriting.
A mother once told me she made her children learn to write ‘properly’ by erasing and making them re-write if their handwriting were found to be unsatisfactory.
Is there a so-called ‘best’ way to teach children to have ‘nice’ handwriting? A search on the Internet provided me a better understanding on teaching children the proper technique of handwriting.
Technically, there are three parts of writing a child needs to learn, focusing on one objective at a time – proper letter construction; consistent letter size; and the same tilt throughout the writing.
Start your child by helping him master proper drawing of vertical, horizontal and circular lines and shapes.
According to an expert, circular shapes should begin at the 2 o’clock position, moving up counterclockwise like the letter "c". Shapes like triangles, rectangles and squares, should be drawn using individual lines that meet. Lines should be drawn left to right or top to bottom.
Once they are adept in forming the letters, they can then learn to size them properly using handwriting sheets with guide lines to help them develop uniformity in size.
There should be solid lines at the top and bottom, a dotted line in the middle, and space before the next guide lines. These can be found at many stores selling educational supplies.
To help children space their letters or words, tools such as an ice cream stick, or one or two fingers, can be placed on the paper for uniform spacing. Check the slant of cursive handwriting by drawing a straight line through the centre of each letter from top to bottom. All the lines should be parallel if the slant is uniform.
For younger children who print, this check may not be necessary if their letters are formed correctly.
Regular practice helps children to gradually perfect their formation and maintain uniformity of the size of the letters.
When I was in school, I remember handwriting was taught as a subject. One exercise book labelled "Tulisan" (handwriting) was allocated specifically for us to practise drawing lines and shapes, and printing letters and words in their correct form, size and spacing.
These days, children are taught handwriting much earlier in pre-school. The degree of importance placed in the teaching of handwriting, however, differs from school to school.
Some schools consciously provide adequate practice like what I received in primary school but I feel some do not emphasise it enough.
Now, when children start primary school, handwriting is no longer taught as a subject as they are expected to have learnt it in pre-school. Unless their handwriting is utterly atrocious, the teacher seldom scrutinises the child’s handwriting, paying more attention to the teaching of core subjects such as math, science, and languages.
It is not whether teaching handwriting should be done at pre-school or primary school that is the issue here. It is the level of awareness of its importance that we should ponder on.
Watch the video at www.teachers.tv/video/24021, where in France, the teaching of handwriting is backed by an educational philosophy that encompasses all creative subjects. The French believe that equipping children with the ability to write will free their minds to perform creatively throughout their lives.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Curb that s-word
Take steps to stop and correct children from using expletives right from the start
theSun, Tue, 14 Apr 2009
WHEN you least expect it, your child comes home from school one day and utters a swear word.
Many parents have found themselves in this predicament since time immemorial.
It was my turn recently when my seven-year-old said a swear word. This led me to finding out how that word found its way into her vocabulary and how best I should tackle the situation if it happened again.
I discovered that she learnt it from a classmate but did not know its meaning.
Before we lash out with a torrent of swear words ourselves or inflict any form of punishment in reprimanding our children for swearing, we must remember that we are their role models.
If parents or other adults in the household swear, the children will very quickly and easily pick up these words.
Young children not only pick up words but also the feelings that come with them when they are used. They observe and learn how you look and act when using those words, so the next time they are angry, they will also use the same words you used when angry.
According to a tip I read in the Internet, do not encourage the child to think it is funny or interesting. If you laugh when he says a swear word, he will pick up your feelings and think you find it pleasing.
As a result, he will very likely say it again, as he wants to please his parents more than anything else.
On the flip side, if you react with anger, he may use it again when he is upset with you in some way and wants you to know about it.
You could tell him firmly: “We don’t use that word in our family and I don’t want to hear it again,” and then ignore it and do not respond if he says it again.
Fortunately for me, I was driving when my child pulled that shocking surprise on me and could only react with a “What did you just say?”
I kept my cool and told her it is not a nice word to use, explaining to her that if she didn’t know the meaning, she should not use it.
Set a rule that everyone in the family must know the meaning of a word in order to say it, and they must mean what that word represents.
If your child says a swear word when he is angry or upset, focus on helping him express his feelings using words he understands and means, instead of fussing over the swear word itself.
Explain to him the meaning of the swear word and that it is wrong and rude to use it, and it may hurt the feelings of others.
Some children use these words to get attention or to show off, thinking that it is a ‘cool’ thing to do. Find out the reasons why your child swears, if he is under any stress, is crying out for attention or just wants to fit in with his ‘cool’ peers.
Explain to him that it is not necessary to swear to gain friends and be ‘cool’. In fact, swearing is not a smart thing to do as it reflects one’s lack of knowledge in using proper words.
Finally, be in tune with your child’s activities and feelings. A child who has a balanced lifestyle and access to open communication and love from parents is more likely to understand that it is not necessary or good to swear and that swearing is simply not ‘cool’.
theSun, Tue, 14 Apr 2009
WHEN you least expect it, your child comes home from school one day and utters a swear word.
Many parents have found themselves in this predicament since time immemorial.
It was my turn recently when my seven-year-old said a swear word. This led me to finding out how that word found its way into her vocabulary and how best I should tackle the situation if it happened again.
I discovered that she learnt it from a classmate but did not know its meaning.
Before we lash out with a torrent of swear words ourselves or inflict any form of punishment in reprimanding our children for swearing, we must remember that we are their role models.
If parents or other adults in the household swear, the children will very quickly and easily pick up these words.
Young children not only pick up words but also the feelings that come with them when they are used. They observe and learn how you look and act when using those words, so the next time they are angry, they will also use the same words you used when angry.
According to a tip I read in the Internet, do not encourage the child to think it is funny or interesting. If you laugh when he says a swear word, he will pick up your feelings and think you find it pleasing.
As a result, he will very likely say it again, as he wants to please his parents more than anything else.
On the flip side, if you react with anger, he may use it again when he is upset with you in some way and wants you to know about it.
You could tell him firmly: “We don’t use that word in our family and I don’t want to hear it again,” and then ignore it and do not respond if he says it again.
Fortunately for me, I was driving when my child pulled that shocking surprise on me and could only react with a “What did you just say?”
I kept my cool and told her it is not a nice word to use, explaining to her that if she didn’t know the meaning, she should not use it.
Set a rule that everyone in the family must know the meaning of a word in order to say it, and they must mean what that word represents.
If your child says a swear word when he is angry or upset, focus on helping him express his feelings using words he understands and means, instead of fussing over the swear word itself.
Explain to him the meaning of the swear word and that it is wrong and rude to use it, and it may hurt the feelings of others.
Some children use these words to get attention or to show off, thinking that it is a ‘cool’ thing to do. Find out the reasons why your child swears, if he is under any stress, is crying out for attention or just wants to fit in with his ‘cool’ peers.
Explain to him that it is not necessary to swear to gain friends and be ‘cool’. In fact, swearing is not a smart thing to do as it reflects one’s lack of knowledge in using proper words.
Finally, be in tune with your child’s activities and feelings. A child who has a balanced lifestyle and access to open communication and love from parents is more likely to understand that it is not necessary or good to swear and that swearing is simply not ‘cool’.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Organising toys
theSun, Tues 31 Mar
When children come into your life, they not only take up your time and energy but they take up lots of space as well! There’s the baby cot, changing table, clothes and diaper storage bins, cupboards, playpen, pram, car seat, other rather bulky necessities, books and of course, toys! As they grow, they accumulate toys very quickly and that’s when our nightmare begins. Every corner we turn, we trip over a doll or get poked on our bare soles by a gun-toting toy soldier. Containing all those pieces of building blocks, teapots and teacups, jigsaw puzzles, stuffed toys and mini figurines in one place is an everyday challenge.
For starters, if you are not able to spare a room and turn it into a playroom, designate a suitable section or corner in your home as your child’s play area. Get boxes or bins with lids and categorise them with labels such as “blocks”, “dolls”, or “cars”. For children who have yet to learn how to read, use picture stickers to denote the items those boxes contain. Teach your child to tidy up his toys according to their categories, and to keep those he doesn’t want to play with anymore before taking out a new set of toys. Sorting and labeling helps your child find and put away toys more easily.
Weed out those that are broken and if they can be fixed, do so when you are free. Put them aside with the forgotten and less-frequently-played toys and rotate them with toys that he gets bored with in future. Some could also be given away to friends and relatives or donated to charity. Giving away toys to less fortunate children is a valuable lesson for a child to learn.
Create mini play sections within the room or space. The box of cooking toys could be placed next to the kitchen set, art and craft items in boxes or shelves nearer to a worktable or easel, and role-playing costumes next to a mirror for example. Place some hooks at a suitable height along a wall to hang bags and pouches to keep other small toys such as stuffed animals, hats, and costumes.
Sturdy shelving units also help get toys off the floor and minimise clutter. They can be used to keep some of his larger, favourite and most-frequently-played-with toys so that they are within reach and sight. Small side tables or sideboards also help in providing counter-top space for toys that need to be displayed for ease of playing such as doll houses and train sets.
Decorate the playroom in his favourite colours, pin up some of his drawings, hang posters of his favourite cartoon characters or superheroes. Making the room or play area a place to call his own would make him more likely to care for it and keep it tidy.
Organising your child’s toys takes some planning and lots of patience. The effort, however, will be rewarded as you begin to see less clutter around the house and more importantly, your child learning organising skills and developing a sense of responsibility.
When children come into your life, they not only take up your time and energy but they take up lots of space as well! There’s the baby cot, changing table, clothes and diaper storage bins, cupboards, playpen, pram, car seat, other rather bulky necessities, books and of course, toys! As they grow, they accumulate toys very quickly and that’s when our nightmare begins. Every corner we turn, we trip over a doll or get poked on our bare soles by a gun-toting toy soldier. Containing all those pieces of building blocks, teapots and teacups, jigsaw puzzles, stuffed toys and mini figurines in one place is an everyday challenge.
For starters, if you are not able to spare a room and turn it into a playroom, designate a suitable section or corner in your home as your child’s play area. Get boxes or bins with lids and categorise them with labels such as “blocks”, “dolls”, or “cars”. For children who have yet to learn how to read, use picture stickers to denote the items those boxes contain. Teach your child to tidy up his toys according to their categories, and to keep those he doesn’t want to play with anymore before taking out a new set of toys. Sorting and labeling helps your child find and put away toys more easily.
Weed out those that are broken and if they can be fixed, do so when you are free. Put them aside with the forgotten and less-frequently-played toys and rotate them with toys that he gets bored with in future. Some could also be given away to friends and relatives or donated to charity. Giving away toys to less fortunate children is a valuable lesson for a child to learn.
Create mini play sections within the room or space. The box of cooking toys could be placed next to the kitchen set, art and craft items in boxes or shelves nearer to a worktable or easel, and role-playing costumes next to a mirror for example. Place some hooks at a suitable height along a wall to hang bags and pouches to keep other small toys such as stuffed animals, hats, and costumes.
Sturdy shelving units also help get toys off the floor and minimise clutter. They can be used to keep some of his larger, favourite and most-frequently-played-with toys so that they are within reach and sight. Small side tables or sideboards also help in providing counter-top space for toys that need to be displayed for ease of playing such as doll houses and train sets.
Decorate the playroom in his favourite colours, pin up some of his drawings, hang posters of his favourite cartoon characters or superheroes. Making the room or play area a place to call his own would make him more likely to care for it and keep it tidy.
Organising your child’s toys takes some planning and lots of patience. The effort, however, will be rewarded as you begin to see less clutter around the house and more importantly, your child learning organising skills and developing a sense of responsibility.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Dealing with name-calling
Tue, 17 Mar 2009
Teasing is common among schoolchildren but this does not mean they should be taken lightly or ignored
Children who tease and call others names may have picked up the bad habit from those around them.
MY daughter came home from school one day complaining about a classmate who called her names. Name-calling and teasing are common among schoolchildren but this does not mean they should be taken lightly or ignored.
Frequent name-calling, insulting or negative labeling will have undesirable effects on children. It will affect their personality development and lower the child’s self worth, esteem and confidence.
When a child’s sense of self has yet to fully develop, calling a child names and labeling him "stupid" for instance, may cause the child to believe that he is so. The child will then tend to act or behave in a manner that is consistent with that negative self-image.
How do we help a child handle such situations? In her book, My Name is Not Dummy, Elizabeth Crary, a parent educator with over 20 years’ experience, provides ideas on how to help a child overcome the problem. Here are a few.
» Ignore it – tell your child to completely ignore the unkind words and the person who says it. Do not glance in his direction, and talk with another student or read instead. Appear calm and unfazed. Usually, the teaser will lose interest and stop if he does not receive any response.
» Do the unexpected – when teasers don’t get the reaction they are looking for, they will tend to stop. For example, if a girl named Lizzie is being called "Dizzy Lizzie", she can turn around and say, "My full name is Elizabeth. Got any rhymes for that?" or "Do you have one that goes with Edward? He’s my brother."
» Ask for help – if a child has run out of ways for dealing with the problem on her own, then it is appropriate to ask an adult for help. In the above example, Lizzie might approach her teacher for help.
Lizzie’s parents can also help by affirming that she is not what they call her. They can ask, "Are you dizzy? If those kids say so, does that mean it’s true?" Help her differentiate fact from teasing words and understand that what people say of her is not necessarily right or true.
Children who tease and call others names may have picked up the bad habit from people around them such as family members, or through unsupervised television viewing.
The whole family needs to practise respect toward each other at all times. Set good examples and turn negative descriptions around by being careful with your choice of words.
For example, instead of "messy", use the word "tidy" or turn "mean" into "kind". Your words then change from "Don’t be mean to your sister" to "Please be kind to your sister".
Explain to them why name-calling is wrong, that it makes people unhappy when they do that. Ask them to imagine how they would feel if others called them names.
Certain children’s programmes on television compromise proper choice of words in their script for the sake of entertainment.
It may be funny when one cartoon character yells "Stupid!" or "You’re such a nerd!" but the odds are that the child will also use these words and think it is funny the next time he gets a chance to do so.
Be careful with what your child is exposed to and guide them in the right way when they encounter negative influence.
Teasing is common among schoolchildren but this does not mean they should be taken lightly or ignored
Children who tease and call others names may have picked up the bad habit from those around them.
MY daughter came home from school one day complaining about a classmate who called her names. Name-calling and teasing are common among schoolchildren but this does not mean they should be taken lightly or ignored.
Frequent name-calling, insulting or negative labeling will have undesirable effects on children. It will affect their personality development and lower the child’s self worth, esteem and confidence.
When a child’s sense of self has yet to fully develop, calling a child names and labeling him "stupid" for instance, may cause the child to believe that he is so. The child will then tend to act or behave in a manner that is consistent with that negative self-image.
How do we help a child handle such situations? In her book, My Name is Not Dummy, Elizabeth Crary, a parent educator with over 20 years’ experience, provides ideas on how to help a child overcome the problem. Here are a few.
» Ignore it – tell your child to completely ignore the unkind words and the person who says it. Do not glance in his direction, and talk with another student or read instead. Appear calm and unfazed. Usually, the teaser will lose interest and stop if he does not receive any response.
» Do the unexpected – when teasers don’t get the reaction they are looking for, they will tend to stop. For example, if a girl named Lizzie is being called "Dizzy Lizzie", she can turn around and say, "My full name is Elizabeth. Got any rhymes for that?" or "Do you have one that goes with Edward? He’s my brother."
» Ask for help – if a child has run out of ways for dealing with the problem on her own, then it is appropriate to ask an adult for help. In the above example, Lizzie might approach her teacher for help.
Lizzie’s parents can also help by affirming that she is not what they call her. They can ask, "Are you dizzy? If those kids say so, does that mean it’s true?" Help her differentiate fact from teasing words and understand that what people say of her is not necessarily right or true.
Children who tease and call others names may have picked up the bad habit from people around them such as family members, or through unsupervised television viewing.
The whole family needs to practise respect toward each other at all times. Set good examples and turn negative descriptions around by being careful with your choice of words.
For example, instead of "messy", use the word "tidy" or turn "mean" into "kind". Your words then change from "Don’t be mean to your sister" to "Please be kind to your sister".
Explain to them why name-calling is wrong, that it makes people unhappy when they do that. Ask them to imagine how they would feel if others called them names.
Certain children’s programmes on television compromise proper choice of words in their script for the sake of entertainment.
It may be funny when one cartoon character yells "Stupid!" or "You’re such a nerd!" but the odds are that the child will also use these words and think it is funny the next time he gets a chance to do so.
Be careful with what your child is exposed to and guide them in the right way when they encounter negative influence.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Music to child’s ears
The choice of a musical instrument should rest on the one who has to learn to play it
theSun, Tues 3 Mar 2009
MUSIC education is a wonderful gift to give your child. Not only does music help a child in developing her creativity and ability to express, it also helps develop confidence and cognitive skills for better performance in math and science.
When choosing an instrument for your child, be aware that it should be an instrument of his or her choice and not yours.
Be conscious of the reasons behind the choice of instrument. Did you choose it because you personally like how it sounds, or would have liked to play it but did not get the opportunity to when you were young, for instance?
While you may influence her a little, it should ultimately be one that she likes because after all, she will be the one learning and practising on it. A child would be more interested and committed to learning and practising an instrument that she is excited about.
Before deciding on one, show her the different types of instruments from the main categories of strings, brass, percussion and wind so that she can see and know what they look and sound like.
We are all drawn to how an instrument sounds and how it is played and so are children. Listen to music played by orchestras, bands and solo instruments, be it from CDs or at live performances. Discuss with her what you saw and heard, and how the instruments were played in different styles and pieces.
Consider her physical attributes, as some instruments may not be physically compatible. A petite child may not be able to carry a large cello case by herself, let alone play the instrument.
Some wind instruments require suitable lip structure or facial strength to play while others can only be properly played if you have adult teeth. Other instruments may require larger hands and more developed motor skills or dexterity.
Consider your budget for buying the instrument and paying for lessons. If you are not sure your child is committed, consider borrowing or renting first.
When buying, consider one of average quality that serves the purpose rather than splurge on a top-of-the-line or concert model. You can always upgrade later when your child shows more commitment and has made progress.
Playing a musical instrument should be fun and pleasurable. Find out what kind of music interests your child and if she prefers to play alone or in a group like a band or orchestra.
It is no use forcing her to learn the violin and play classical pieces when she enjoys making rocking rhythm on the drums more.
If you can, get a professional or a teacher of the instrument she is interested in to assess if she can be taught to play it considering her age, size and aptitude.
Finally, do not fall into the trap of stereotyping. There is no rule that says every child must start with the piano or violin, or if a particular instrument is more suited for a boy or girl.
Anna sometimes gets tired of defending the fact that it is all right for a girl to learn the drums at age four-plus. Her parenting articles here are compiled in http://youmekids.blogspot.com.
theSun, Tues 3 Mar 2009
MUSIC education is a wonderful gift to give your child. Not only does music help a child in developing her creativity and ability to express, it also helps develop confidence and cognitive skills for better performance in math and science.
When choosing an instrument for your child, be aware that it should be an instrument of his or her choice and not yours.
Be conscious of the reasons behind the choice of instrument. Did you choose it because you personally like how it sounds, or would have liked to play it but did not get the opportunity to when you were young, for instance?
While you may influence her a little, it should ultimately be one that she likes because after all, she will be the one learning and practising on it. A child would be more interested and committed to learning and practising an instrument that she is excited about.
Before deciding on one, show her the different types of instruments from the main categories of strings, brass, percussion and wind so that she can see and know what they look and sound like.
We are all drawn to how an instrument sounds and how it is played and so are children. Listen to music played by orchestras, bands and solo instruments, be it from CDs or at live performances. Discuss with her what you saw and heard, and how the instruments were played in different styles and pieces.
Consider her physical attributes, as some instruments may not be physically compatible. A petite child may not be able to carry a large cello case by herself, let alone play the instrument.
Some wind instruments require suitable lip structure or facial strength to play while others can only be properly played if you have adult teeth. Other instruments may require larger hands and more developed motor skills or dexterity.
Consider your budget for buying the instrument and paying for lessons. If you are not sure your child is committed, consider borrowing or renting first.
When buying, consider one of average quality that serves the purpose rather than splurge on a top-of-the-line or concert model. You can always upgrade later when your child shows more commitment and has made progress.
Playing a musical instrument should be fun and pleasurable. Find out what kind of music interests your child and if she prefers to play alone or in a group like a band or orchestra.
It is no use forcing her to learn the violin and play classical pieces when she enjoys making rocking rhythm on the drums more.
If you can, get a professional or a teacher of the instrument she is interested in to assess if she can be taught to play it considering her age, size and aptitude.
Finally, do not fall into the trap of stereotyping. There is no rule that says every child must start with the piano or violin, or if a particular instrument is more suited for a boy or girl.
Anna sometimes gets tired of defending the fact that it is all right for a girl to learn the drums at age four-plus. Her parenting articles here are compiled in http://youmekids.blogspot.com.
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