theSun,Tue, 08 Dec 2009
Cooking for the family takes up a large chunk of a mother’s time. When I tell people I am a housewife, or in more current terms, a S- or WAHM (stay- or work-at-home mother), I hear comments like: "So free", or the much-detested phrase: "Since you are not working, you have more free time".
"Free", "not working", and "have more free time", however, are complete misperceptions.
A stay-at-home mother "stays" at home to care for almost everything in the house and family, and "works" from home if she has a home business or an employer that lets her work off-site while caring for the family.
While we may have more flexibility with our time, having more free time is hardly a privilege we can claim. For such mothers, it takes skill, which comes from trial-and-error and experience, to juggle the various commitments and responsibilities.
Ideas to maximise time are needed, especially when it comes to the time-consuming activity of cooking for the family. Here are some tips I have used in my attempt to save cooking time:
» One-pot meals
Cooking one-pot meals will save you the headache of preparing a five-course meal while still meeting the demands of your family’s dietary needs. They save time without compromising on the quality of the food you serve.
» Cook and freeze
Cook larger portions so that you can eat one portion and freeze the rest for another meal (or two) next time. Even pureed baby food can be frozen in ice cube trays, as childcare experts have suggested, as it is easier to make a bowlful of mashed peas than just half a cup.
» Thaw frozen food earlier
Thaw frozen food like meat in the refrigerator overnight so that it is ready to be cooked the next day.
» Involve your children
Children can help rinse vegetables, and grate or cut them using a butter knife. They get to play, develop their matching, counting and motor skills. You save some time and they remain right under your nose while you are busy in the kitchen.
Also, children tend to enjoy and eat more of the food they have helped prepare. They will be more open to trying new tastes and textures.
» Make use of appliances
Use appliances like food processors to chop and blend to save time and energy. Steamers and slow cookers with a timer offer a safe and convenient way to cook food healthily. You do not have to watch over the stove to prevent the food from boiling over or burning. Ensure the appliances are in good condition to avoid unnecessary stress and breakdowns.
» Be prepared
If you use a gas stove, keep a spare cylinder. Getting stranded with half-cooked food while waiting for the supplier to deliver is a waste of time, and your food may not be tasty later.
» Keep a notepad handy
A notepad allows you to immediately jot down any food item that is running out. This way, you will not leave out anything during your next shopping trip. Making an extra trip just to get that box of cereal is not only a waste of time but also add to the cost of fuel for the vehicle, parking and other related expenses.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Childproofing your home
There are lots of potential danger in the house that can attract a toddler’s attention
theSun, Tue, 24 Nov 2009
Our young ones are always curious and love exploring. Besides poking their little fingers into their eyes, nose and mouth, they also make a beeline for buttons, knobs, holes, cracks, and tug at strings, wires, and handles. Colourful objects and things that move or make a noise also attract their curiosity.
Once you have a crawling toddler around the house, you need to keep him safe by childproofing your home. To be sure you leave no stone unturned, take a ‘baby’s-eye view’ around your home. Get down on all fours, crawl around and see what your baby sees as he makes his way around the house.
Here is a simple, but non-exhaustive, checklist to help you childproof your home:
» Do not place breakable items such as vases, decorative pieces or glass picture frames within his reach. It is best to keep them in storage for the time being.
» Secure doorknobs of rooms, bathrooms, kitchen cabinets and wardrobes with doorknob covers or safety latches. This will keep dangerous items such as poisonous household cleaning products, medicines or drugs, and sharp objects like knives and other tools from their reach.
» Install safety gates at the top and bottom of the staircase. It is best to use those that can be anchored to the wall or banister, instead of those that use pressure which may topple or dislodge if the child puts his weight against it.
» Secure all hard edges and sharp corners with protectors to prevent injury in the event your child bumps into them.
» Keep dangling cords for curtains, blinds and electrical appliances out of his reach. Also, hang mobiles or dangling toys out of his reach and remove them once he can sit or stand up.
» Babies pull up on furniture after they start crawling. And when they learn to climb, you need to watch out. Anchor shelving units, cabinets, television sets and bookcases with braces or brackets to the wall or floor to prevent them from tipping over. Place furniture away from windows and ensure that glass doors and windows are made of strong, tempered glass. Put heavier items on bottom shelves and drawers to make furniture less top-heavy.
» Place pots and pans on the inner burners of the stove, and turn the handles away from his reach. Install smoke detectors around the house and ensure they are in working condition. Keep a fire extinguisher in the house and have emergency telephone numbers handy.
» Keep unused pails empty or overturned. If you are soaking anything, make sure the pails are out of your child’s reach. Children are top heavy and can drown in just an inch of water. Secure toilet lids and bathroom doorknobs to prevent him from entering the bathroom. Install a fence around your swimming pool. Drain out your wading pool and store it upright if not in use.
» Keep your floors clean. Wipe up spills immediately. Check under the carpets or furniture for food crumbs or small items that your child could pick up and put into his mouth. They are not only dirty but could be choking hazards too.
Most importantly, watch your child all the time. Even if you have childproofed your home, it takes only an instant for him to fall, crawl or run over to a dangerous place or put something into his mouth.
theSun, Tue, 24 Nov 2009
Our young ones are always curious and love exploring. Besides poking their little fingers into their eyes, nose and mouth, they also make a beeline for buttons, knobs, holes, cracks, and tug at strings, wires, and handles. Colourful objects and things that move or make a noise also attract their curiosity.
Once you have a crawling toddler around the house, you need to keep him safe by childproofing your home. To be sure you leave no stone unturned, take a ‘baby’s-eye view’ around your home. Get down on all fours, crawl around and see what your baby sees as he makes his way around the house.
Here is a simple, but non-exhaustive, checklist to help you childproof your home:
» Do not place breakable items such as vases, decorative pieces or glass picture frames within his reach. It is best to keep them in storage for the time being.
» Secure doorknobs of rooms, bathrooms, kitchen cabinets and wardrobes with doorknob covers or safety latches. This will keep dangerous items such as poisonous household cleaning products, medicines or drugs, and sharp objects like knives and other tools from their reach.
» Install safety gates at the top and bottom of the staircase. It is best to use those that can be anchored to the wall or banister, instead of those that use pressure which may topple or dislodge if the child puts his weight against it.
» Secure all hard edges and sharp corners with protectors to prevent injury in the event your child bumps into them.
» Keep dangling cords for curtains, blinds and electrical appliances out of his reach. Also, hang mobiles or dangling toys out of his reach and remove them once he can sit or stand up.
» Babies pull up on furniture after they start crawling. And when they learn to climb, you need to watch out. Anchor shelving units, cabinets, television sets and bookcases with braces or brackets to the wall or floor to prevent them from tipping over. Place furniture away from windows and ensure that glass doors and windows are made of strong, tempered glass. Put heavier items on bottom shelves and drawers to make furniture less top-heavy.
» Place pots and pans on the inner burners of the stove, and turn the handles away from his reach. Install smoke detectors around the house and ensure they are in working condition. Keep a fire extinguisher in the house and have emergency telephone numbers handy.
» Keep unused pails empty or overturned. If you are soaking anything, make sure the pails are out of your child’s reach. Children are top heavy and can drown in just an inch of water. Secure toilet lids and bathroom doorknobs to prevent him from entering the bathroom. Install a fence around your swimming pool. Drain out your wading pool and store it upright if not in use.
» Keep your floors clean. Wipe up spills immediately. Check under the carpets or furniture for food crumbs or small items that your child could pick up and put into his mouth. They are not only dirty but could be choking hazards too.
Most importantly, watch your child all the time. Even if you have childproofed your home, it takes only an instant for him to fall, crawl or run over to a dangerous place or put something into his mouth.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Coping with jetlag in both young and old
theSun, Tue, 10 Nov 2009
IN my previous article, I gave some pointers on how to make long-haul flights with young children in tow less stressful. Here are some tips on how to cope with children suffering from jetlag.
After having survived the last 15 hours cooped up in a pressurised cabin with your child, brace yourself to face the next hurdle – jetlag. If you have travelled long haul to a place where the time difference is significant, you and your child will most likely suffer jetlag.
On long flights, you tend to get dehydrated and insufficient sleep while your body clock goes haywire. Your child gets irritable, throws tantrums and loses his appetite. So can you. It is best to be prepared for these.
If possible, get non-stop flights, or schedule your flight to coincide with your child’s sleeping time. Bring along your baby carrier or car seat to strap him into it so that you do not have to keep him on your lap or in your arms throughout the flight. This enables you to rest comfortably too.
Get started in following the local time as soon as you can. Set your watch to the local time of your destination while you are on the plane.
Be sure to keep yourself hydrated by drinking enough non-alcoholic and non-caffeinated drinks. Give your child enough fluids in the form of water, diluted juice, fruits or vegetables.
Wear comfortable clothes and shoes, do some light exercises or take short walks in the plane to get your blood circulating.
Upon arrival, get to work immediately on eating, sleeping and waking according to the local time. Opt for healthy food at mealtimes.
Exposure to sunlight helps your body naturally adjust your body clock. Try to be outdoors during daylight as much as possible. Find the nearest park and have some physical activities and stay outdoors until dinnertime if you can.
Try to get your child to nap when it is naptime according to the local clock. However, if your child is sleepy, allow him to nap but not for too long.
When it is bedtime, keep the room dark and keep the bedtime ritual and ambience similar to the one at home.
Try to nap or rest when they nap, and sleep when they sleep. This will give you the energy to attend to their needs, especially in the middle of the night. Form a tag team with your partner or other adults travelling with you so that you can take turns to get rest.
When your child wakes up at night, keep him occupied with simple, less stimulating activities. You could give him some light snacks or milk if he is hungry and make him go back to sleep as soon as possible.
He could wake in the middle of the night for the next few nights while his body is still adjusting to the local time.
While these few practical tips may help you and your child reset your body clock, it is also good to remind yourself to take things in your stride.
Do not fret too much when your child refuses to sleep or when he throws a tantrum because he is really tired. Impatience and frustration will add to the stress and make it all the more difficult to enjoy your holiday.
IN my previous article, I gave some pointers on how to make long-haul flights with young children in tow less stressful. Here are some tips on how to cope with children suffering from jetlag.
After having survived the last 15 hours cooped up in a pressurised cabin with your child, brace yourself to face the next hurdle – jetlag. If you have travelled long haul to a place where the time difference is significant, you and your child will most likely suffer jetlag.
On long flights, you tend to get dehydrated and insufficient sleep while your body clock goes haywire. Your child gets irritable, throws tantrums and loses his appetite. So can you. It is best to be prepared for these.
If possible, get non-stop flights, or schedule your flight to coincide with your child’s sleeping time. Bring along your baby carrier or car seat to strap him into it so that you do not have to keep him on your lap or in your arms throughout the flight. This enables you to rest comfortably too.
Get started in following the local time as soon as you can. Set your watch to the local time of your destination while you are on the plane.
Be sure to keep yourself hydrated by drinking enough non-alcoholic and non-caffeinated drinks. Give your child enough fluids in the form of water, diluted juice, fruits or vegetables.
Wear comfortable clothes and shoes, do some light exercises or take short walks in the plane to get your blood circulating.
Upon arrival, get to work immediately on eating, sleeping and waking according to the local time. Opt for healthy food at mealtimes.
Exposure to sunlight helps your body naturally adjust your body clock. Try to be outdoors during daylight as much as possible. Find the nearest park and have some physical activities and stay outdoors until dinnertime if you can.
Try to get your child to nap when it is naptime according to the local clock. However, if your child is sleepy, allow him to nap but not for too long.
When it is bedtime, keep the room dark and keep the bedtime ritual and ambience similar to the one at home.
Try to nap or rest when they nap, and sleep when they sleep. This will give you the energy to attend to their needs, especially in the middle of the night. Form a tag team with your partner or other adults travelling with you so that you can take turns to get rest.
When your child wakes up at night, keep him occupied with simple, less stimulating activities. You could give him some light snacks or milk if he is hungry and make him go back to sleep as soon as possible.
He could wake in the middle of the night for the next few nights while his body is still adjusting to the local time.
While these few practical tips may help you and your child reset your body clock, it is also good to remind yourself to take things in your stride.
Do not fret too much when your child refuses to sleep or when he throws a tantrum because he is really tired. Impatience and frustration will add to the stress and make it all the more difficult to enjoy your holiday.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Flying with kids
Going on long-haul flights with children in tow can be a challenge for some parents
theSun, Tues, 27 Oct 2009
Wasn’t travelling a breeze when you did not have kids? However, with baby around, you will probably think twice before deciding to travel.
When you have your little ones as travel companions, you will have to be prepared not only to meet their physical needs such as sleep, food and diaper changes, but also their endless whining, restlessness, crying, impatience and the frequent: “Are we there yet?”
The whole idea of travelling can be even more daunting if it involves a long-haul flight when stopping at the nearest rest area as and when you wish is not an option. However, with enough preparations, a long-haul flight with children can be managed well enough to make travelling less of a hassle and more of an enjoyable family experience.
For seasoned travellers, getting ready to travel with children may be a routine affair, but for some of us, the following few pointers may help us get prepared for that first or rarely taken long-haul flight with our young ones.
Flight schedule
If possible, time the flight according to the child’s feeding, nap and sleeping schedules. If your child can sleep on the plane, the flight will be less stressful for you. Breastfeed or bottle feed your child before take-off and landing to alleviate discomfort in the ears.
If you have to transit, factor in extra time, taking into account the extra baggage you will have to carry like stroller, diaper bag and the like.
Don’t even think you can dash from one gate to another just as you did on your honeymoon trip! Also, allow time for customs and passport checks.
It will be helpful if you know the facilities available at the airports you are stopping at. Find out if they have restaurants, nursery, play areas, convenience stores selling children’s necessities and baby-changing rooms.
Use the airport lounge if you can during transit. Here, you can rest more comfortably and be more accessible to amenities such as toilets and shower facilities as the main terminal is usually busy and crowded.
In-flight
For infants, pack diapers, formula, bottles, pacifier if required, wipes, snacks, favourite toys, books, blanket or any other items he feels secure with.
It is better to overestimate and bring more than you think you need. Have a change or two of clothes for him and at least a spare top for yourself, in case of spills or vomit.
For toddlers, pack age-appropriate colouring, sticker or activity books, crayons, small toys and story books. Include a few new (or even old but seldom-used) toys as surprises to distract them when they get antsy. Dish them out sparingly, however, only when all else fails, lest they start expecting something new every time they throw a tantrum.
Avoid jigsaw puzzles or toys with small detachable parts as you will not want to be crawling around the cabin floor in search of fallen or missing pieces. Also, avoid noisy toys unless you relish stares and glares from other annoyed passengers when your child makes Polly Parrot squawk continuously throughout the 15-hour flight.
Check if your airline offers in-flight movies for children. It will be better if the TV screen is on the back of the seat, as children usually cannot see the large screen placed in front of the cabin. Or bring your own portable DVD player and your child’s favourite cartoons and educational shows.
theSun, Tues, 27 Oct 2009
Wasn’t travelling a breeze when you did not have kids? However, with baby around, you will probably think twice before deciding to travel.
When you have your little ones as travel companions, you will have to be prepared not only to meet their physical needs such as sleep, food and diaper changes, but also their endless whining, restlessness, crying, impatience and the frequent: “Are we there yet?”
The whole idea of travelling can be even more daunting if it involves a long-haul flight when stopping at the nearest rest area as and when you wish is not an option. However, with enough preparations, a long-haul flight with children can be managed well enough to make travelling less of a hassle and more of an enjoyable family experience.
For seasoned travellers, getting ready to travel with children may be a routine affair, but for some of us, the following few pointers may help us get prepared for that first or rarely taken long-haul flight with our young ones.
Flight schedule
If possible, time the flight according to the child’s feeding, nap and sleeping schedules. If your child can sleep on the plane, the flight will be less stressful for you. Breastfeed or bottle feed your child before take-off and landing to alleviate discomfort in the ears.
If you have to transit, factor in extra time, taking into account the extra baggage you will have to carry like stroller, diaper bag and the like.
Don’t even think you can dash from one gate to another just as you did on your honeymoon trip! Also, allow time for customs and passport checks.
It will be helpful if you know the facilities available at the airports you are stopping at. Find out if they have restaurants, nursery, play areas, convenience stores selling children’s necessities and baby-changing rooms.
Use the airport lounge if you can during transit. Here, you can rest more comfortably and be more accessible to amenities such as toilets and shower facilities as the main terminal is usually busy and crowded.
In-flight
For infants, pack diapers, formula, bottles, pacifier if required, wipes, snacks, favourite toys, books, blanket or any other items he feels secure with.
It is better to overestimate and bring more than you think you need. Have a change or two of clothes for him and at least a spare top for yourself, in case of spills or vomit.
For toddlers, pack age-appropriate colouring, sticker or activity books, crayons, small toys and story books. Include a few new (or even old but seldom-used) toys as surprises to distract them when they get antsy. Dish them out sparingly, however, only when all else fails, lest they start expecting something new every time they throw a tantrum.
Avoid jigsaw puzzles or toys with small detachable parts as you will not want to be crawling around the cabin floor in search of fallen or missing pieces. Also, avoid noisy toys unless you relish stares and glares from other annoyed passengers when your child makes Polly Parrot squawk continuously throughout the 15-hour flight.
Check if your airline offers in-flight movies for children. It will be better if the TV screen is on the back of the seat, as children usually cannot see the large screen placed in front of the cabin. Or bring your own portable DVD player and your child’s favourite cartoons and educational shows.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Planting roots
theSun, Tue, 13 Oct 2009
FAMILY traditions and activities during festivals are important for strengthening family ties. At the same time, they teach the children values and help us remember our heritage.
As the world around us becomes increasingly seamless, the lines between cultures and norms fade. And it doesn’t help with our wide exposure to the more dominant cultures of the West via the media.
My daughter, for one, used to think Malaysians celebrate Halloween, and that she is an English girl, not Chinese, since she speaks English.
These days, cultural and religious festivals have an added commercial twist. Shopping malls and restaurants grab the opportunity to boost their business by attracting customers with their lavishly-decorated premises, special discounts and promotions.
Many children, and even adults sometimes, can’t help but be drawn into the hype and party atmosphere.
When I was a child, I remember the excitement of getting Chinese New Year red packets or angpows, eating lots of cookies and sweets, drinking iced carbonated drinks and playing with fireworks and sparklers.
However, it is not these things that matter most to me as an adult now. It is the traditions the family practised that I now remember my roots and know some aspects of the Chinese culture.
We also made it a point to visit all our relatives, and I learnt how to address them according to their rankings in our dialect. I knew who the granduncles, grandaunts, cousins, second cousins, uncles and aunts were, and where their place was in the extended family tree.
We need to remind ourselves of and teach our children the history, meaning and traditions behind the festivals we celebrate and even those of other cultures.
By sharing with our children stories, cultural practices and religious rituals of these festivals, we renew our own knowledge while the children gain a better understanding of it.
Cultural and religious festivals are good opportunities to teach our children about the multi-racial community that we live in.
Children need to learn that there are people from various ethnic groups and nationalities around the world, whose culture and lifestyles differ from their own.
They need to be taught that despite the differences, be it in physical appearance, lifestyle or even the food that they eat or don’t eat, they should accept, respect and treat everyone equally.
The last quarter of the year in Malaysia is the time that sees Malaysians celebrating a series of cultural and religious festivals. Muslims recently observed the fasting month of Ramadan followed by Hari Raya Aidilfitri.
Chinese folk recently celebrated the Mid-Autumn Festival during 15th day of the eighth month of the lunar calendar that fell on Oct 3, and very soon, the Hindus will be celebrating Deepavali on Oct 17.
Come December, there will be Christmas, Awal Muharram and the Chinese Winter Solstice festival. Then, before you know it, it will be Chinese New Year in February next year.
Festivals celebrated by the minority native groups should also not be left out.
Children learn by example and by participating, especially when fun is involved. For example, by participating in simple activities like making greeting cards and decorative items, reading stories about festivals, singing festive songs, cooking and tasting festive food, going to places of worship, visiting relatives and friends at their open houses, and giving and receiving gifts, they learn a range of skills, lessons and values.
These include creativity, motor skill development, math, science, art, music, heritage, culture, faith, love, forgiveness, generosity, sharing, teamwork, respect, friendship, etiquette, history, and even geography.
At the end of the day, we as parents should think about what traditions we want to share and leave as legacies for our children.
FAMILY traditions and activities during festivals are important for strengthening family ties. At the same time, they teach the children values and help us remember our heritage.
As the world around us becomes increasingly seamless, the lines between cultures and norms fade. And it doesn’t help with our wide exposure to the more dominant cultures of the West via the media.
My daughter, for one, used to think Malaysians celebrate Halloween, and that she is an English girl, not Chinese, since she speaks English.
These days, cultural and religious festivals have an added commercial twist. Shopping malls and restaurants grab the opportunity to boost their business by attracting customers with their lavishly-decorated premises, special discounts and promotions.
Many children, and even adults sometimes, can’t help but be drawn into the hype and party atmosphere.
When I was a child, I remember the excitement of getting Chinese New Year red packets or angpows, eating lots of cookies and sweets, drinking iced carbonated drinks and playing with fireworks and sparklers.
However, it is not these things that matter most to me as an adult now. It is the traditions the family practised that I now remember my roots and know some aspects of the Chinese culture.
We also made it a point to visit all our relatives, and I learnt how to address them according to their rankings in our dialect. I knew who the granduncles, grandaunts, cousins, second cousins, uncles and aunts were, and where their place was in the extended family tree.
We need to remind ourselves of and teach our children the history, meaning and traditions behind the festivals we celebrate and even those of other cultures.
By sharing with our children stories, cultural practices and religious rituals of these festivals, we renew our own knowledge while the children gain a better understanding of it.
Cultural and religious festivals are good opportunities to teach our children about the multi-racial community that we live in.
Children need to learn that there are people from various ethnic groups and nationalities around the world, whose culture and lifestyles differ from their own.
They need to be taught that despite the differences, be it in physical appearance, lifestyle or even the food that they eat or don’t eat, they should accept, respect and treat everyone equally.
The last quarter of the year in Malaysia is the time that sees Malaysians celebrating a series of cultural and religious festivals. Muslims recently observed the fasting month of Ramadan followed by Hari Raya Aidilfitri.
Chinese folk recently celebrated the Mid-Autumn Festival during 15th day of the eighth month of the lunar calendar that fell on Oct 3, and very soon, the Hindus will be celebrating Deepavali on Oct 17.
Come December, there will be Christmas, Awal Muharram and the Chinese Winter Solstice festival. Then, before you know it, it will be Chinese New Year in February next year.
Festivals celebrated by the minority native groups should also not be left out.
Children learn by example and by participating, especially when fun is involved. For example, by participating in simple activities like making greeting cards and decorative items, reading stories about festivals, singing festive songs, cooking and tasting festive food, going to places of worship, visiting relatives and friends at their open houses, and giving and receiving gifts, they learn a range of skills, lessons and values.
These include creativity, motor skill development, math, science, art, music, heritage, culture, faith, love, forgiveness, generosity, sharing, teamwork, respect, friendship, etiquette, history, and even geography.
At the end of the day, we as parents should think about what traditions we want to share and leave as legacies for our children.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Me, me and mine
An only child must learn that the world does not revolve around him/her alone
theSun, Tue, 29 Sep 2009
My daughter is good at talking and seems to have answers for everything. Most times, she presents rather convincing arguments for her ideas and decisions and expects to get what she wants.
Could it be because she is an only child and is used to getting everyone’s full attention?
Children in single-child families usually have their parents all to themselves and they do not face any competition for attention. It is important, therefore, that parents draw the line from the beginning and set limits.
With positive parenting, the child can turn out to become a well-adjusted and sensible adult. Not everyone who is an only child is spoiled, domineering, and selfish, as most people tend to generalise.
As a parent of an only child, I need to be aware of the situations and experiences unique to her, and manage them well as she encounters it.
The only child receives full attention from his/her parents who can become over-protective and over-indulgent.
Encouraging the child to explore his/her own opinions and to learn from the outcome of the decisions helps to build self-confidence.
However, he/she must learn that expressing and thinking independently does not mean that he/she is right or will get what he/she wants all the time.
An only child grows up in a household of adults and has less interaction with peers compared to children with siblings. Children with siblings are naturally exposed to situations that teach them to compromise, give in and take turns.
Create avenues for your only child to develop his/her social interaction skills. Set up playdates with other children or spend time with families with more than one child. Get the child to join you or others in helping the community so that the focus will be away from him/her. Involve the child in team-based activities.
When such children see the situations and people around them, they will have less need for people to pay attention to them. They learn to realise that their wants may not be as important as what someone less fortunate needs. They see that they have to play by the team’s rules if they want to be part of the group.
Our expectations of our only child should be realistic. Allow these children to be themselves and provide them space to develop their personal interests. And when they show an interest in something, support and encourage them but remember not to be over-enthusiastic.
Carolyn White, author of The Seven Common Sins of Parenting an Only Child, writes: "Only-child parents are quick to think that if their bright child shows an interest in art, music, ballet or basket-weaving, it’s necessary to call in the big guns. They find their child the best piano teacher in the city or spend hours in museums.
"It’s not enough for their child to have interests and explore them in a casual way. Parents of only child must curb their enthusiasm for trying to make their child older than she/he is ….
"Remind yourself of your child’s chronological age, and try not to be flattered when other adults say, ‘Oh, Jerzey is only 10? He seems so much older.’ It’s not necessarily a compliment."
Provide an environment for your only child to grow up among his/her peers as much as possible so that he/she does not feel lonely.
When recalling their childhood, many only children said they did not miss having siblings simply because they were provided opportunities to develop friendships with other children in their neighbourhood, school, and extended family.
theSun, Tue, 29 Sep 2009
My daughter is good at talking and seems to have answers for everything. Most times, she presents rather convincing arguments for her ideas and decisions and expects to get what she wants.
Could it be because she is an only child and is used to getting everyone’s full attention?
Children in single-child families usually have their parents all to themselves and they do not face any competition for attention. It is important, therefore, that parents draw the line from the beginning and set limits.
With positive parenting, the child can turn out to become a well-adjusted and sensible adult. Not everyone who is an only child is spoiled, domineering, and selfish, as most people tend to generalise.
As a parent of an only child, I need to be aware of the situations and experiences unique to her, and manage them well as she encounters it.
The only child receives full attention from his/her parents who can become over-protective and over-indulgent.
Encouraging the child to explore his/her own opinions and to learn from the outcome of the decisions helps to build self-confidence.
However, he/she must learn that expressing and thinking independently does not mean that he/she is right or will get what he/she wants all the time.
An only child grows up in a household of adults and has less interaction with peers compared to children with siblings. Children with siblings are naturally exposed to situations that teach them to compromise, give in and take turns.
Create avenues for your only child to develop his/her social interaction skills. Set up playdates with other children or spend time with families with more than one child. Get the child to join you or others in helping the community so that the focus will be away from him/her. Involve the child in team-based activities.
When such children see the situations and people around them, they will have less need for people to pay attention to them. They learn to realise that their wants may not be as important as what someone less fortunate needs. They see that they have to play by the team’s rules if they want to be part of the group.
Our expectations of our only child should be realistic. Allow these children to be themselves and provide them space to develop their personal interests. And when they show an interest in something, support and encourage them but remember not to be over-enthusiastic.
Carolyn White, author of The Seven Common Sins of Parenting an Only Child, writes: "Only-child parents are quick to think that if their bright child shows an interest in art, music, ballet or basket-weaving, it’s necessary to call in the big guns. They find their child the best piano teacher in the city or spend hours in museums.
"It’s not enough for their child to have interests and explore them in a casual way. Parents of only child must curb their enthusiasm for trying to make their child older than she/he is ….
"Remind yourself of your child’s chronological age, and try not to be flattered when other adults say, ‘Oh, Jerzey is only 10? He seems so much older.’ It’s not necessarily a compliment."
Provide an environment for your only child to grow up among his/her peers as much as possible so that he/she does not feel lonely.
When recalling their childhood, many only children said they did not miss having siblings simply because they were provided opportunities to develop friendships with other children in their neighbourhood, school, and extended family.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
The confidence factor
Inculcating self-esteem from young will make children feel more positive about themselves
theSun, Tue 08 Sep 2009
It is show-and-tell day at school. Little Jack is afraid to step forward to share with his classmates what he brought to school to show them.
"I can’t do it, I’m not good," he says.
At other times, Jack does not want to try new things. He frequently thinks he is not good at anything and speaks negatively of himself. He finds new challenges frustrating and gives up easily.
Nurturing self-esteem in a child, like in many other areas of parenting, requires conscious effort.
Self-esteem can be defined as the opinions and feelings we have of ourselves. How we perceive ourselves affects our attitudes, what we do, and how we feel and behave towards ourselves and others.
Children with good self-esteem tend to be more positive, and will take on new challenges without giving in to anxiety and failure.
When children fail at something, and are encouraged to try again and again until they succeed, they learn to develop positive ideas about their own capabilities.
When parents are around to encourage and guide them in forming these right feelings they have about themselves, children will grow to have higher self-esteem.
They will have positive ideas of their own abilities, and feel more accepted and loved.
In helping children build self-esteem, we must first of all remember that they are unique. Accept them by recognising that each has his/her own unique talents and help to nurture their different abilities.
We should never ever compare them with other children.
Choose your words carefully. If she is not made out to be the next Mozart, do not make her feel unworthy and useless by saying: "Look at Jill, she can play the piano so well, why can’t you?"
Or if she compares herself with Jill, help her see that she is good at other things and praise her for her efforts in playing the piano.
Reward her effort even if she did not win the coveted Pianist of the Year award.
Instead of labelling your child as a "naughty boy", separate the bad behaviour and deal with it without judging the child.
Tell him/her: "What you did to your friend was not good" instead of "You were so naughty".
Allow them to make some of the decisions on their own. This does not mean that you give them total freedom to do as they please.
By letting them decide on simple things, as long as their choices are not detrimental or extreme, our children will learn independence and be self-decisive.
Allowing them to make their own judgments and feel good about the outcome also help strengthen their self-worth.
In that way, they gain confidence and their self-esteem is raised.
As parents, we can provide them with a safe and loving environment. Be there for them, listen to them and build up the trust and respect between parent and child.
When children know that they are loved for who they are, they feel more secure.
Positive feelings about themselves will in the long run help them be confident with people, experiences and challenges they would come across in their lives in the future.
theSun, Tue 08 Sep 2009
It is show-and-tell day at school. Little Jack is afraid to step forward to share with his classmates what he brought to school to show them.
"I can’t do it, I’m not good," he says.
At other times, Jack does not want to try new things. He frequently thinks he is not good at anything and speaks negatively of himself. He finds new challenges frustrating and gives up easily.
Nurturing self-esteem in a child, like in many other areas of parenting, requires conscious effort.
Self-esteem can be defined as the opinions and feelings we have of ourselves. How we perceive ourselves affects our attitudes, what we do, and how we feel and behave towards ourselves and others.
Children with good self-esteem tend to be more positive, and will take on new challenges without giving in to anxiety and failure.
When children fail at something, and are encouraged to try again and again until they succeed, they learn to develop positive ideas about their own capabilities.
When parents are around to encourage and guide them in forming these right feelings they have about themselves, children will grow to have higher self-esteem.
They will have positive ideas of their own abilities, and feel more accepted and loved.
In helping children build self-esteem, we must first of all remember that they are unique. Accept them by recognising that each has his/her own unique talents and help to nurture their different abilities.
We should never ever compare them with other children.
Choose your words carefully. If she is not made out to be the next Mozart, do not make her feel unworthy and useless by saying: "Look at Jill, she can play the piano so well, why can’t you?"
Or if she compares herself with Jill, help her see that she is good at other things and praise her for her efforts in playing the piano.
Reward her effort even if she did not win the coveted Pianist of the Year award.
Instead of labelling your child as a "naughty boy", separate the bad behaviour and deal with it without judging the child.
Tell him/her: "What you did to your friend was not good" instead of "You were so naughty".
Allow them to make some of the decisions on their own. This does not mean that you give them total freedom to do as they please.
By letting them decide on simple things, as long as their choices are not detrimental or extreme, our children will learn independence and be self-decisive.
Allowing them to make their own judgments and feel good about the outcome also help strengthen their self-worth.
In that way, they gain confidence and their self-esteem is raised.
As parents, we can provide them with a safe and loving environment. Be there for them, listen to them and build up the trust and respect between parent and child.
When children know that they are loved for who they are, they feel more secure.
Positive feelings about themselves will in the long run help them be confident with people, experiences and challenges they would come across in their lives in the future.
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