Whether it is a bribe or reward, children should not be trained to expect something for being obedient
theSun, Tue, 13 Apr 2010
I HAVE been guilty of negotiating unnecessary ‘win-win’ deals with my child to avoid the stress of power struggles. I give my child a new story book to keep her quiet during dinner at a restaurant, although reading at the dinner table is prohibited at home. I know I’m not alone in this. Some parents would buy their children candy or chocolates to prevent them from screaming in the supermarket. Others tell their children that they can have their dream toy if they do as they are told.
What is the difference between bribing and rewarding a child? The online Merriam-Webster dictionary defines bribery as “money or favour given or promised in order to influence the judgment or conduct...; something that serves to induce or influence”. Meanwhile, a reward, according to the same dictionary, is “something that is given in return for good done or received, or that is offered or given for some service or attainment”.
Based on these general definitions, we can say that giving something to a child prior to good behaviour is a bribe. It is to influence them into doing something we want them to do. Meanwhile, giving them something in return for being obedient can be defined as a reward. This is to reinforce the idea that good behaviour results in good consequences.
Be it a bribe or reward, we need to be mindful of a few things whenever we are tempted to offer our child some goodies in order for him to behave or do our bidding.
» Do not let this practice become a habit. If you reward your child for every little thing he does, it will soon become an expectation. He will expect to be rewarded for just washing his hands, for example. He may start demanding for a present every time you tell him to do something.
While there are times we can give a child something for a job well done, we should not allow him to think that he has a choice or can negotiate. There must be times when we need to be firm and
remind ourselves that we have the right to ask them to do certain things, and expect them to do it simply because we said so.
» Do not shoot from the hip and offer rewards freely. The child will comply to a request from the parent simply because he wants the specific reward. The moment the reward stops, the good behaviour will also stop.
» Do not offer food as a bribe or reward. For example, giving a child ice cream, sweets or cookies to make him pick up his toys will not teach him responsibility, and will create an unhealthy association with such foods. Teach your child about eating healthily and do not use junk food as rewards or incentives.
Rewards need not always be in the form of material things. Sincere praise, a hug and telling him you are proud of what he has done could help boost a child’s sense of self worth. Praise him when you observe good behaviour and when he does things on his own accord. It will encourage him to continue with the same behaviour in future.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Comfort sucks
Experts advise that children should be weaned off the pacifier from age two onwards
theSun, 30 Mar 2010
There are children whose ‘best friends’ are their pacifier. They go everywhere with it and only the pacifier can soothe and calm them in times of distress. They need it when they go to bed and for some, to remain asleep.
While the pacifier is not an entirely a bad thing to give your child, it would be a great challenge to wean him off it once he becomes too attached to it.
As the child’s natural instinct is to suck on something for comfort, the pacifier comes in handy as opposed to sucking their fingers, thumb, or the corner of a pillow or blanket.
Experts advise that the use of a pacifier should be discontinued after the child turns one.
At that age, his developmental needs do not include sucking, and by age two, he would have developed "higher level strategies" to manage his distress.
Dentists advise that pacifier use be discontinued after age two as it could affect the alignment and bite of the child’s teeth.
There are many ways to wean your child off the pacifier. The cold turkey approach could seem harsh while the gradual approach works on reducing pacifier use until a time when you can tell your child that it is ‘lost’ or ‘given away’.
Here are some suggestions I have compiled from several parenting websites, forums and other souces:
» Strictly bed time
During stress-free times such as when the child is at play, do not allow him to suck on it. Freeing him from the pacifier will also give him more opportunity to develop his speech.
Leave his pacifier in his cot and tell him it ‘lives’ there and nowhere else so that he uses it only when he is in bed. Do not allow him to use it when he takes naps during the day.
Gradually, limit its use to alternate nights, then stop giving it to him altogether.
» Cut off its end
Once they discover that it feels different, or when you tell them it does not work anymore, they may decide not to use it.
» Discard on special day
Choose a day such as his birthday and prepare him with the idea that he will stop using the pacifier from that day onwards.
Or tell him that his pacifier will not work any more after his third birthday. Then cut the pacifier.
Or when a special occasion such as Christmas approaches, tell him that if he gives his pacifier to other babies who need it, he will get a special toy for Christmas.
» Stop when he is sick
When your child comes down with a stuffy nose or cough, he will feel discomfort or will not be able to breathe if he sucks on the pacifier.
Take this opportunity to take his pacifier away from him.
After he recovers, you may tell him that the pacifier is ‘lost’. Distract him with some toys, books or other activities so that he will forget about the pacifier.
Whatever method you choose, it will take a lot of patience and strength not to give in when the child cries a few nights in a row because he cannot go to sleep without his pacifier.
If you give in, it will get harder and harder to wean him off the pacifier.
theSun, 30 Mar 2010
There are children whose ‘best friends’ are their pacifier. They go everywhere with it and only the pacifier can soothe and calm them in times of distress. They need it when they go to bed and for some, to remain asleep.
While the pacifier is not an entirely a bad thing to give your child, it would be a great challenge to wean him off it once he becomes too attached to it.
As the child’s natural instinct is to suck on something for comfort, the pacifier comes in handy as opposed to sucking their fingers, thumb, or the corner of a pillow or blanket.
Experts advise that the use of a pacifier should be discontinued after the child turns one.
At that age, his developmental needs do not include sucking, and by age two, he would have developed "higher level strategies" to manage his distress.
Dentists advise that pacifier use be discontinued after age two as it could affect the alignment and bite of the child’s teeth.
There are many ways to wean your child off the pacifier. The cold turkey approach could seem harsh while the gradual approach works on reducing pacifier use until a time when you can tell your child that it is ‘lost’ or ‘given away’.
Here are some suggestions I have compiled from several parenting websites, forums and other souces:
» Strictly bed time
During stress-free times such as when the child is at play, do not allow him to suck on it. Freeing him from the pacifier will also give him more opportunity to develop his speech.
Leave his pacifier in his cot and tell him it ‘lives’ there and nowhere else so that he uses it only when he is in bed. Do not allow him to use it when he takes naps during the day.
Gradually, limit its use to alternate nights, then stop giving it to him altogether.
» Cut off its end
Once they discover that it feels different, or when you tell them it does not work anymore, they may decide not to use it.
» Discard on special day
Choose a day such as his birthday and prepare him with the idea that he will stop using the pacifier from that day onwards.
Or tell him that his pacifier will not work any more after his third birthday. Then cut the pacifier.
Or when a special occasion such as Christmas approaches, tell him that if he gives his pacifier to other babies who need it, he will get a special toy for Christmas.
» Stop when he is sick
When your child comes down with a stuffy nose or cough, he will feel discomfort or will not be able to breathe if he sucks on the pacifier.
Take this opportunity to take his pacifier away from him.
After he recovers, you may tell him that the pacifier is ‘lost’. Distract him with some toys, books or other activities so that he will forget about the pacifier.
Whatever method you choose, it will take a lot of patience and strength not to give in when the child cries a few nights in a row because he cannot go to sleep without his pacifier.
If you give in, it will get harder and harder to wean him off the pacifier.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Teething blues
Take the bite out of this painful phase for both baby and parents theSun, Tues, 9 Mar 2010
Most babies start teething when they are about four months old. The first teeth that sprout are the lower incisors, the ones in the middle. The corresponding upper two incisors will then follow.
The last ones that sprout are the molars and, by the time they are two or three years old, they would have received their full set of 20 primary or milk teeth.
This teething period could be a trying time for the child and parents, especially the first-timers. Some children may go through their teething phase with little fuss, while others may experience pain, become irritable, refuse to eat and have problems sleeping.
When my child started teething, she began to drool a lot and liked to bite anything she could get her gums on, like her toys and our fingers!
Wipe your child’s mouth with a soft face towel to prevent the drool from causing rashes. Provide him/her with teething rings to play with and bite. The pressure on the gums when they bite will help alleviate the pain.
You can also feed your child some cold pureed food or yoghurt, and rub the gums gently with your clean fingers.
According to childcare books and articles, it is advisable not to prescribe any form of painkillers or oral numbing gel unless you have checked with your paediatrician first.
Some children may have loose stool, a mild fever or even diarrhoea when they are teething. These symptoms, however, may or may not be directly linked to teething. The jury is still out on this one.
In popular parenting website BabyCenter.com, paediatrician and author of The Baby Book William Sears said: "Teething can cause diarrhoea and a mild diaper rash because your baby’s excessive saliva ends up in his gut and loosens his stools. Inflammation in the gums may cause a low fever."
In the same website, paediatrician T. Berry Brazelton, said such symptoms are probably due to an infection unrelated to teething, but that the stress associated with teething could make your child more vulnerable to infection right before a new tooth appears.
It would be best to let your paediatrician take a look at your child if such symptoms persist and if your child’s temperature exceeds 38°C.
As far as caring for your child’s gums and teeth is concerned, just keep them clean by wiping them with a soft, wet cloth. Get a soft brush with which you can clean your child’s teeth with some water.
You can also use infant toothpaste that does not contain fluoride, making it safe for babies in the event they swallow it. Toothpaste with fluoride should only be used for older children who know how to spit. Use only a pea-sized amount of toothpaste.
If possible, establish a routine for the cleaning of your child’s teeth and gums. This will help the child develop good dental habits as he/she grows up. Include brushing and flossing in your bedtime routine.
Avoid giving milk or sugary liquids after cleaning. Bacteria that exist naturally in the mouth will react with the sugars, forming an acid that causes decay.
Most babies start teething when they are about four months old. The first teeth that sprout are the lower incisors, the ones in the middle. The corresponding upper two incisors will then follow.
The last ones that sprout are the molars and, by the time they are two or three years old, they would have received their full set of 20 primary or milk teeth.
This teething period could be a trying time for the child and parents, especially the first-timers. Some children may go through their teething phase with little fuss, while others may experience pain, become irritable, refuse to eat and have problems sleeping.
When my child started teething, she began to drool a lot and liked to bite anything she could get her gums on, like her toys and our fingers!
Wipe your child’s mouth with a soft face towel to prevent the drool from causing rashes. Provide him/her with teething rings to play with and bite. The pressure on the gums when they bite will help alleviate the pain.
You can also feed your child some cold pureed food or yoghurt, and rub the gums gently with your clean fingers.
According to childcare books and articles, it is advisable not to prescribe any form of painkillers or oral numbing gel unless you have checked with your paediatrician first.
Some children may have loose stool, a mild fever or even diarrhoea when they are teething. These symptoms, however, may or may not be directly linked to teething. The jury is still out on this one.
In popular parenting website BabyCenter.com, paediatrician and author of The Baby Book William Sears said: "Teething can cause diarrhoea and a mild diaper rash because your baby’s excessive saliva ends up in his gut and loosens his stools. Inflammation in the gums may cause a low fever."
In the same website, paediatrician T. Berry Brazelton, said such symptoms are probably due to an infection unrelated to teething, but that the stress associated with teething could make your child more vulnerable to infection right before a new tooth appears.
It would be best to let your paediatrician take a look at your child if such symptoms persist and if your child’s temperature exceeds 38°C.
As far as caring for your child’s gums and teeth is concerned, just keep them clean by wiping them with a soft, wet cloth. Get a soft brush with which you can clean your child’s teeth with some water.
You can also use infant toothpaste that does not contain fluoride, making it safe for babies in the event they swallow it. Toothpaste with fluoride should only be used for older children who know how to spit. Use only a pea-sized amount of toothpaste.
If possible, establish a routine for the cleaning of your child’s teeth and gums. This will help the child develop good dental habits as he/she grows up. Include brushing and flossing in your bedtime routine.
Avoid giving milk or sugary liquids after cleaning. Bacteria that exist naturally in the mouth will react with the sugars, forming an acid that causes decay.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Control the TV remote
Monitor children’s television viewing by setting a timetable and filtering violent shows
theSun, Tue, 23 Feb 2010
We know that too much television take toddlers away from exploring, playing and interacting with their caregivers – activities which are important for their physical and social development.
School-age children will also lack exercise and have less time for reading, homework, playing with friends and interacting with others.
However, watching television is not entirely bad for children as long as there is a limit to the time spent watching and the type of shows they watch. In this day and age, it is hard to prevent our children from exposure to the television and other media such as computers and the Internet, unless you ban these items from your home.
Even if you go to such extremes, they are bound to find them at their friends’ homes, and at school, as television and computers are considered necessities these days. It is therefore important for parents to monitor the content and set viewing limits.
Here are some tips to help keep your child’s TV viewing in check:
» The TV is not a babysitter
More often than not, despite knowing the consequences, we conveniently use the television to occupy our children while we work on other things at home. The American Academy of Paediatrics (AAP) recommends that children under two years old do not watch any TV at all and that older ones watch no more than one to two hours a day of quality programmes.
» Check the content of the programmes
Preview them if possible. Young children can be easily influenced by what they watch and learn.
Certain so-called role model characters in shows may depict bad or risky behaviour such as smoking, drinking, use of foul language, and violence.
Also, educate your child on junk food and toy advertisements. Help them realise that the advertisers are merely trying to get people to buy their products and that no matter how appealing and convincing some of them sound, they are not as good as they seem.
Make sure your child does not watch scary or violent shows that may cause nightmares or emotional disturbances.
» No TV in your child’s bedroom
This prevents your child from being holed up in his room, and not participating in family activities. It also discourages him from studying, doing his homework or keeping to his bedtime schedule.
» No TV during mealtimes
Adults sometimes tend to eat and watch TV at the same time. We need to change this habit and set a good example to our children. (The same goes for reading the newspaper or a book during mealtimes.)
Mealtimes can be used as family time together to catch up on one another’s day, share stories, problems and ask questions.
» Watch TV together
Select family shows or educational programmes that teach good lessons and family values. TV viewing can be a ‘date’ you set with your family members as family time together. This allows you to keep the content viewed in check and provides opportunities to discuss what you are watching.
While these tips may sound easy to follow, the reality is that they can be rather challenging, just like any other issue on parenting.
You as parents need to keep reminding yourself that the rewards are worth the effort. The earlier you start, the easier it will be to shape our children’s TV viewing habits.
theSun, Tue, 23 Feb 2010
We know that too much television take toddlers away from exploring, playing and interacting with their caregivers – activities which are important for their physical and social development.
School-age children will also lack exercise and have less time for reading, homework, playing with friends and interacting with others.
However, watching television is not entirely bad for children as long as there is a limit to the time spent watching and the type of shows they watch. In this day and age, it is hard to prevent our children from exposure to the television and other media such as computers and the Internet, unless you ban these items from your home.
Even if you go to such extremes, they are bound to find them at their friends’ homes, and at school, as television and computers are considered necessities these days. It is therefore important for parents to monitor the content and set viewing limits.
Here are some tips to help keep your child’s TV viewing in check:
» The TV is not a babysitter
More often than not, despite knowing the consequences, we conveniently use the television to occupy our children while we work on other things at home. The American Academy of Paediatrics (AAP) recommends that children under two years old do not watch any TV at all and that older ones watch no more than one to two hours a day of quality programmes.
» Check the content of the programmes
Preview them if possible. Young children can be easily influenced by what they watch and learn.
Certain so-called role model characters in shows may depict bad or risky behaviour such as smoking, drinking, use of foul language, and violence.
Also, educate your child on junk food and toy advertisements. Help them realise that the advertisers are merely trying to get people to buy their products and that no matter how appealing and convincing some of them sound, they are not as good as they seem.
Make sure your child does not watch scary or violent shows that may cause nightmares or emotional disturbances.
» No TV in your child’s bedroom
This prevents your child from being holed up in his room, and not participating in family activities. It also discourages him from studying, doing his homework or keeping to his bedtime schedule.
» No TV during mealtimes
Adults sometimes tend to eat and watch TV at the same time. We need to change this habit and set a good example to our children. (The same goes for reading the newspaper or a book during mealtimes.)
Mealtimes can be used as family time together to catch up on one another’s day, share stories, problems and ask questions.
» Watch TV together
Select family shows or educational programmes that teach good lessons and family values. TV viewing can be a ‘date’ you set with your family members as family time together. This allows you to keep the content viewed in check and provides opportunities to discuss what you are watching.
While these tips may sound easy to follow, the reality is that they can be rather challenging, just like any other issue on parenting.
You as parents need to keep reminding yourself that the rewards are worth the effort. The earlier you start, the easier it will be to shape our children’s TV viewing habits.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Goodbye to nightmares
theSun, Tue, 02 Feb 2010
I WOKE UP one night to find my child tugging my foot, asking if she could sleep with me. She had a nightmare about human-eating monsters.
Children around five to eight years of age often have nightmares.
According to WebMD, nightmares are most common in preschoolers because “this is the age at which normal fears develop and a child’s imagination is very active.
“Some studies estimate that as many as 50% of children aged three to six years have nightmares that disturb both their sleep and their parents’ sleep.”
Nightmares are different from night terrors.
Night terrors are characterised by frequent recurrent episodes of intense crying and fear when the child is asleep and usually, it is difficult to wake the child up.
The child remains asleep throughout, but seems agitated and difficult to calm down. Usually, the child will not remember the episode when he wakes up the next morning.
A nightmare is a bad dream that causes the child to wake up crying or feeling afraid and often, has difficulty going back to sleep.
Nightmares can be caused by stressful events such as moving to a new school, or even family problems. They can also be caused by a stressful situation during the day, lack of sleep, traumatic experiences or watching an upsetting scene on television.
Popular parenting website BabyCenter says that for a child working through her feelings about these stressful events, nightmares are a normal response, and you are not a bad parent if your child has them.
So what did I do when my child requested to sleep with me? Naturally, I didn’t give much thought to it, drowsy as I was. I welcomed her and we snuggled up until morning.
What do the experts recommend? Babycenter says to go to your child when she cries out. Reassure her with a backrub or hug.
And here’s the no-no: if you bring her into your bed to comfort her, be aware you could be creating a habit that’s hard to reverse.
So the next time my foot gets tugged at, I hope I will have the presence of mind to take my child back to her own bed.
Don’t pressure your child into giving you the details of the bad dream. Just remind and comfort him that it was only a bad dream.
Other ways to help your child tackle nightmares include coming up with a “happy ending” for their nightmare story the next day. This helps him take control of the scary situation.
Have a bedtime routine that is calming and quiet with some warm milk, a warm bath, and a nice story. If a bedtime prayer is part of the routine, there is no harm in asking for sweet dreams.
A few ideas I found interesting from Babycenter include letting the child rub a little skin lotion – call it “good dream cream” – on the tummy or forehead before turning in.
Or fill a spray bottle with vanilla-scented water. Let your child banish scary dreams by spraying a little of the “nightmare repellent” in the bedroom.
Then wrap it all up with loving words, a hug and a goodnight kiss.
I WOKE UP one night to find my child tugging my foot, asking if she could sleep with me. She had a nightmare about human-eating monsters.
Children around five to eight years of age often have nightmares.
According to WebMD, nightmares are most common in preschoolers because “this is the age at which normal fears develop and a child’s imagination is very active.
“Some studies estimate that as many as 50% of children aged three to six years have nightmares that disturb both their sleep and their parents’ sleep.”
Nightmares are different from night terrors.
Night terrors are characterised by frequent recurrent episodes of intense crying and fear when the child is asleep and usually, it is difficult to wake the child up.
The child remains asleep throughout, but seems agitated and difficult to calm down. Usually, the child will not remember the episode when he wakes up the next morning.
A nightmare is a bad dream that causes the child to wake up crying or feeling afraid and often, has difficulty going back to sleep.
Nightmares can be caused by stressful events such as moving to a new school, or even family problems. They can also be caused by a stressful situation during the day, lack of sleep, traumatic experiences or watching an upsetting scene on television.
Popular parenting website BabyCenter says that for a child working through her feelings about these stressful events, nightmares are a normal response, and you are not a bad parent if your child has them.
So what did I do when my child requested to sleep with me? Naturally, I didn’t give much thought to it, drowsy as I was. I welcomed her and we snuggled up until morning.
What do the experts recommend? Babycenter says to go to your child when she cries out. Reassure her with a backrub or hug.
And here’s the no-no: if you bring her into your bed to comfort her, be aware you could be creating a habit that’s hard to reverse.
So the next time my foot gets tugged at, I hope I will have the presence of mind to take my child back to her own bed.
Don’t pressure your child into giving you the details of the bad dream. Just remind and comfort him that it was only a bad dream.
Other ways to help your child tackle nightmares include coming up with a “happy ending” for their nightmare story the next day. This helps him take control of the scary situation.
Have a bedtime routine that is calming and quiet with some warm milk, a warm bath, and a nice story. If a bedtime prayer is part of the routine, there is no harm in asking for sweet dreams.
A few ideas I found interesting from Babycenter include letting the child rub a little skin lotion – call it “good dream cream” – on the tummy or forehead before turning in.
Or fill a spray bottle with vanilla-scented water. Let your child banish scary dreams by spraying a little of the “nightmare repellent” in the bedroom.
Then wrap it all up with loving words, a hug and a goodnight kiss.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Wrong made right
Children who learn from their mistakes will grow up into self-assured adults
theSun, Tues Jan 19 2010
EVERYONE makes mistakes – we adults know that for sure but not all children do. When a child makes a mistake or worse still,faces failure, we need to guide them through the experience in order for them to come out of it positively.
A child’s experience with a mistake or failure could lower his self esteem. The last thing you should do is react with disappointment, anger or impatience. Be calm when they make mistakes. Be calm when you make mistakes yourself, especially in their presence.
Teach them to have a more relaxed attitude and show them we can laugh at ourselves when we make mistakes. Find opportunities in day-to-day activities to encourage them to view mistakes as opportunities to learn something new.
Use creativity to turn the mistakes into acceptable outcomes if the situation allows it. If your child has failed at something major, such as a test or exam, help him to
cope with his feelings of low self-esteem, disappointment and sadness by showing him
your unconditional love. Assure him that you love him regardless of how he performs. Tell him that you value his efforts.
Other practical ways to minimise the negative impact of such situations is to find out your child’s learning style. Does your child learn best visually, kinestethically or audibly? Help him learn and work more effectively by using the style that suits him.
In learning math, for example, if he grasps the concepts better by using objects to count, provide him with suitable items to use. If he absorbs facts better by reading his textbook aloud, do not tell him to study quietly. Share stories of your own past failures and successes to show him that failure and success are part and parcel of life. Tell him what you had learnt from the experience and what you did to overcome the mistakes.
You could also tell him inspirational stories of famous people who overcame challenges and achieved success. When something goes wrong and your child is responsible for it, avoid putting the blame on him. Discuss what happened and encourage him to bring out the fi ghter in him to learn from the mistake, and not to give up too easily.
If your child has a fear of failure after a past experience, tell him that the only way to fail is to not try at all. Finally, be sure of what your definition of success is. Does it mean being the best in everything they do and scoring the highest
marks in every subject in school? If so, when they are not the best and when
you come down hard on them, will they be motivated to try again to be better, or to even dare to try anything new ever again?
While we all have dreams of our children being the best in everything they do, we have to be realistic of their abilities and talents. Think about what your child is capable of and set goals that are appropriate for his age, knowledge and skills. Actually, they do not have to be the best in everything; they just have to try their best.
theSun, Tues Jan 19 2010
EVERYONE makes mistakes – we adults know that for sure but not all children do. When a child makes a mistake or worse still,faces failure, we need to guide them through the experience in order for them to come out of it positively.
A child’s experience with a mistake or failure could lower his self esteem. The last thing you should do is react with disappointment, anger or impatience. Be calm when they make mistakes. Be calm when you make mistakes yourself, especially in their presence.
Teach them to have a more relaxed attitude and show them we can laugh at ourselves when we make mistakes. Find opportunities in day-to-day activities to encourage them to view mistakes as opportunities to learn something new.
Use creativity to turn the mistakes into acceptable outcomes if the situation allows it. If your child has failed at something major, such as a test or exam, help him to
cope with his feelings of low self-esteem, disappointment and sadness by showing him
your unconditional love. Assure him that you love him regardless of how he performs. Tell him that you value his efforts.
Other practical ways to minimise the negative impact of such situations is to find out your child’s learning style. Does your child learn best visually, kinestethically or audibly? Help him learn and work more effectively by using the style that suits him.
In learning math, for example, if he grasps the concepts better by using objects to count, provide him with suitable items to use. If he absorbs facts better by reading his textbook aloud, do not tell him to study quietly. Share stories of your own past failures and successes to show him that failure and success are part and parcel of life. Tell him what you had learnt from the experience and what you did to overcome the mistakes.
You could also tell him inspirational stories of famous people who overcame challenges and achieved success. When something goes wrong and your child is responsible for it, avoid putting the blame on him. Discuss what happened and encourage him to bring out the fi ghter in him to learn from the mistake, and not to give up too easily.
If your child has a fear of failure after a past experience, tell him that the only way to fail is to not try at all. Finally, be sure of what your definition of success is. Does it mean being the best in everything they do and scoring the highest
marks in every subject in school? If so, when they are not the best and when
you come down hard on them, will they be motivated to try again to be better, or to even dare to try anything new ever again?
While we all have dreams of our children being the best in everything they do, we have to be realistic of their abilities and talents. Think about what your child is capable of and set goals that are appropriate for his age, knowledge and skills. Actually, they do not have to be the best in everything; they just have to try their best.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Little helpers
Involving the children in household chores is good for them as well as for the parents
theSun, Tue, 05 Jan 2010
IF YOU are a homemaker, you will definitely have your hands full juggling all the household chores especially if you do not rely on hired help.
You have the laundry, tidying, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, errands, chauffeuring, child-minding, tutoring, gardening, and everything else in between.
If you have children who are old enough to handle some of the chores, it is about time you rope them in. Even your pre-schooler can help out as long as the chores are age-appropriate.
According to parenting author Elizabeth Pantley, by getting your children to help out with chores at home, you can build their feeling of competence and help them understand what is involved in running a household.
They can develop good habits, including discipline and good attitudes about work.
When assigning a chore, do not expect your child to complete it perfectly. You will only end up getting frustrated if you insist on perfection, making it a struggle.
If you insist on re-doing it yourself, your child may think that it wasn’t done well enough, making him feel unappreciated.
You do not have to wait for the chore to be completed before praising him. Praising him while he is doing the chore can encourage and help him feel good about his contribution.
Here are some chores your children can help you with:
» Laundry
Have separate baskets for white and coloured clothes so that you don’t need to spend time sorting before putting them into the washer. Buy crinkle-free clothes to reduce time and energy spent on ironing.
Get the children to join you in sorting and folding laundry. Sitting together to sort and fold laundry can be used as together time to chat and share thoughts and stories.
Children can also develop their motor skills, learn about colours and matching.
» Gardening
Simple chores like watering plants, weeding, and sweeping up leaves can be assigned to the children.
Doing gardening together such as planting, re-potting and fertilising can be turned into a lesson about plants and nature.
Dried leaves and flowers can be collected for art and craft activities later on too.
» Cleaning
Clean the house in stages, room by room within the course of the week if you have to do it yourself. Set aside a time during the weekend as house-cleaning time or what Malaysians refer to as gotong-royong.
Divide the duties among the children. The younger ones can tidy up their toys and books while the older ones can sweep, vacuum or mop.
Doing it together creates a feeling of teamwork and that no one is left out, making it fair.
» Grocery shopping
Keep a notepad around your kitchen so that you can jot down items as you find them running out. This prevents you from missing out any items and having to make an extra trip to the shop.
Bring your children along to help make the selections. By involving them in grocery shopping, they can learn about health and nutrition, math and money.
Upon returning home, they can be asked to help put them away in the pantry or appropriate storage places.
theSun, Tue, 05 Jan 2010
IF YOU are a homemaker, you will definitely have your hands full juggling all the household chores especially if you do not rely on hired help.
You have the laundry, tidying, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, errands, chauffeuring, child-minding, tutoring, gardening, and everything else in between.
If you have children who are old enough to handle some of the chores, it is about time you rope them in. Even your pre-schooler can help out as long as the chores are age-appropriate.
According to parenting author Elizabeth Pantley, by getting your children to help out with chores at home, you can build their feeling of competence and help them understand what is involved in running a household.
They can develop good habits, including discipline and good attitudes about work.
When assigning a chore, do not expect your child to complete it perfectly. You will only end up getting frustrated if you insist on perfection, making it a struggle.
If you insist on re-doing it yourself, your child may think that it wasn’t done well enough, making him feel unappreciated.
You do not have to wait for the chore to be completed before praising him. Praising him while he is doing the chore can encourage and help him feel good about his contribution.
Here are some chores your children can help you with:
» Laundry
Have separate baskets for white and coloured clothes so that you don’t need to spend time sorting before putting them into the washer. Buy crinkle-free clothes to reduce time and energy spent on ironing.
Get the children to join you in sorting and folding laundry. Sitting together to sort and fold laundry can be used as together time to chat and share thoughts and stories.
Children can also develop their motor skills, learn about colours and matching.
» Gardening
Simple chores like watering plants, weeding, and sweeping up leaves can be assigned to the children.
Doing gardening together such as planting, re-potting and fertilising can be turned into a lesson about plants and nature.
Dried leaves and flowers can be collected for art and craft activities later on too.
» Cleaning
Clean the house in stages, room by room within the course of the week if you have to do it yourself. Set aside a time during the weekend as house-cleaning time or what Malaysians refer to as gotong-royong.
Divide the duties among the children. The younger ones can tidy up their toys and books while the older ones can sweep, vacuum or mop.
Doing it together creates a feeling of teamwork and that no one is left out, making it fair.
» Grocery shopping
Keep a notepad around your kitchen so that you can jot down items as you find them running out. This prevents you from missing out any items and having to make an extra trip to the shop.
Bring your children along to help make the selections. By involving them in grocery shopping, they can learn about health and nutrition, math and money.
Upon returning home, they can be asked to help put them away in the pantry or appropriate storage places.
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